Surprised to learn that that the more a couple spends on their wedding and engagement rings, the more likely they are to divorce

[crunchymint]

This is taken from this piece of research and it does surprise me.

www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/wedding%20expenses%20and%20marriage%20duration1.pdf

I tend to find that my friends in long marriages often had parents in a long marriage who worked through tough times together.

I might have missed it but it seemed like the researchers didn't ask about that, even though I believe there's quite a high correlation.

local pub that should be...

Isn't there some research about how couples with big but relatively cheap weddings tend to stay together longer as well? Ie lots of guests but lower spend per head? Sure I read that somewhere!

princess Yes- in this research- high attendance (ie lots of guests) correlates positively with the marriage lasting. However the lower spend per guest isn't really relevant because the spend on the wedding is controlled for income

i.e. Jeff who earns 20k and spends 2k on his wedding is deemed to have spent more than Karen who earns 50k and spent 4k on her wedding.

Ours cost quite a lot of money, but we had quite a lot of money. No debt. It wasn’t at all extravagant but we wanted to make it as cheap and easy for our guests as possible so we paid for their accommodation etc, I have a big family and the biggest spend was on the food as that’s DH’s passion. I was far from a ‘high maintenance bride’ or a ‘bridezilla’.
Incidentally, 2 of my friends are divorced and they’re the 2 who had the cheapest weddings. One close friend refused to spend much on the wedding and it turned out it was because she really really didn’t want to marry her partner but felt pressured into it as her dad was terminally ill.

Money matters are a leading cause of divorce. The average UK wedding costs 27 grand. I struggle to see that kind of spending as anything other than idiotic unless you're in the 1%, and blowing that kind of cash at the start of a marriage just seems like setting yourself up for problems in future.

My engagement and wedding rings were hand made to my specifications. I have very long slim fingers so can't buy off the shelf. They weren't madly expensive but I love them. Our wedding was tiny because I don't enjoy attention. More significantly both our parents and siblings have long marriages. It's values in life, not what things cost that counts. 23 years this year.

but because the size of it was a reflection of his financial prowess

Fair enough although being a show off is probably another bad indicator of being a good spouse.

We spent bare minimum. Only got married for legal reasons. Very happy, not least of all because we have been spending money in things that we actually enjoy.

But of course it’s true. People with more money have more options. If you’re poor and in a crap relationship you’ll have to think hard about leaving.
If you’ve money, you’ll just buy yourself a lovely new home and move out with minimal hand wringing.

But of course it’s true. People with more money have more options. If you’re poor and in a crap relationship you’ll have to think hard about leaving.
If you’ve money, you’ll just buy yourself a lovely new home and move out with minimal hand wringing.

But it isn't true that people with higher incomes are more likely to get divorced - in fact, just the opposite. Divorce is higher among families with lower household incomes.

that is interesting and does go against what I’d consider likely.
But I’m still am biased to think that the answer is in access to money. In Ireland if you are a low income earner or unemployed you will have access to supports like housing that a low/ middle income earner isn’t. So knowing that support was there might make it easier to make the decision. That could scew the data too.

Perhaps those on 2nd marriages are wealthier and but more expensive rings ( are older) but 2nd marriages are less likely to succeed.
Or perhaps I should read the study and see what it ACTUALLY says

Surely it should be looked at a percentage of monthly income? A £2000 ring might be a huge amount to someone or fuck all. Its relative.
A bit like the cost of a wedding, one persons £5000 wedding is a huge amount, another persons £50,000 isn't.

Most of my friends have quite expensive rings and nobody I know is divorced (yet). They are nearly all from families with no divorced parents certainly but also relatives, so I suspect that impacts the likelihood of divorce too. Both DH and I are far more likely based on character and upbringing, to slog it out rather than divorce, even if unhappy (which thankfully so far we’re not) but between us, our siblings, our parents and aunts and uncles (14 couples) only one couple is separated. So in our families, marriage is really expected to last. I don’t think that is the same for every family and peoples attitude entering marriage reflects that.

Divorce is higher among families with lower household incomes.

They have less to lose. While richer people have more money so can leave too. People in the middle are the best at it.

Wouldn't surprise me.
My brother and his wife had engagement rings specially made costing thousands, big posh wedding, reception and honeymoon. I think they saw it as one big party without taking the marriage seriously. Separated after two years and divorced after three.
DH and I had a quiet registry office wedding with only a handful of people, wedding rings from Argos and no honeymoon. Been married 30 years now

Divorce is higher amongst those who are poor, because continuously struggling puts a real strain on your relationship.

Someone I know's wedding cost more than my house It was a very cheap house, but still.

They fucking loathe each other.

We went to a 200k wedding . DH was an usher. They’re still happily married... so far.

I’ve read, somewhere, that the more extravagant the wedding the more likely to divorce.

We went to a 200k wedding shock. DH was an usher

For 200k I'm surprised Usher wasn't an usher

I'm not surprised, where a man feels the need to spend a fortune as the woman expects it it's not real love. True love doesn't need an expensive ring.

As for weddings, the bigger the wedding the quicker the divorce from what I've seen. Too much emphasis on the brides perfect day and not enough on the relationship or choice of partner.

I got married at 20 in a register office, spent nothing but the registrar fees. Two Argos rings (that we don't wear) No photographers, everyone back to mine for last years fireworks and some chilli and a few beers. We have been married 8 years and I'm looking forward to 80 more :)

I do resent some of these generalisations! My focus is entirely on my DH and our marriage. We still had a big wedding. We had a great day, now we’re having a lovely life together!