My lodger stinks!

[chillwinston17]

I recently starting letting my spare room to a friend. He is fine and mainly keeps himself to himself, except for the smells!!

Twice a day he uses the bathroom and it stinks out the entire house for hours - even with the windows open.

His bedroom stinks of 'man' - he doesn't always close the door and it seems to deep into the whole house.

He doesn't shower every day so when he's walking around he smells.

I don't know how to deal with this! He's a friend so I can't really tell him and I don't want to kick him out. But we share the bathroom and my house is lovely, I don't want it to stink! Have tried air fresheners but honestly the bathroom stench is something else.

What can I do?

You might feel a bit uncomfortable giving him an ultimatum but it won’t be as bad as feeling uncomfortable all the time due to his poor hygiene/ dirty dish hoarding/ teenage behaviour in a grown man.
It shows a lack of respect to you too.

VIPoo is only a bit of oil with a smell. Put a small amount of veg oil in the toilet. Does the same job by stopping the smells coming out of the water.

I read your first sentence as "He is fine and manly" And I thought "So what's to complain about?"

Have you checked if he's opening his window? If not, tell him to. Say "Air your room out would you? Just first thing...I need to make sure we're not going to get mould or damp."

And for the toilet....tell him! Say something!

@ madcatlady. My female housemate's room has a smell. Somedays when she comes opens the bedroom door I use my sleeve to breathe through so I don't gag.

Since he has a good job and can afford elsewhere, the easiest thing to save the friendship is to say this is a temporary arrangement and you need the room back by x date. That way, no awkward conversations and no regressing. The poo issue will not in any case go away and you will end up being his housemaid, which I am sure he won't mind but will leave you resentful and poison the friendship anyway.

I have had stinky aupairs (women) before and one I put up with and the other I gave instructions and a budget to buy and change clothes and sheets everyday and the smell got better but still comes and goes. It only ever resolves once the person leaves.

He can afford to rent a flat so give him notice.

Ah! Like my teenage boys. But as they're mine I do walk in their rooms and say 'it stinks in here open a window!', Or 'get in the shower!', But more difficult with a lodger. Is this just a short term thing? Maybe it should be .

It's fine to say to him "you know I'm your friend as well as your landlady, but I'm not your mother. I shouldn't have to tell you to have a shower every day, use deodorant, bleach the toilet after a poo, keep left over food out of your bedroom & open your windows.
If you want me to be your friend, that's great. But if you want me to be your mother, then you living here really isn't going to work out."

On air fresheners, my aupair used some kind of deodorant which had a sickly sweet smell but you could still whiff an undertone. At the end of it, the sweet smell was almost as bad as the undisguised one as it was triggering unpleasant memories and was an unwelcome signature in the home where you should feel free to relax without strong smells of any sort.

Just tell him you forgot to tell him your house rules...windows opened every single day for an hour at least to air the room and bedding washed weekly and himself washed daily!

Yes...I agree with @blueshoes now. For the sake of saving the friendship.

He's just a big smelly shite who isn't your problem :o

I think this is right really because no amount of reed diffuser is going to cover all this.

This is tough, but I do think you need to be cruel to be kind. He needs to know that at 30 he should not be living like a teenager. He should be housetrained by now.
Pour him a glass of wine, say “as your friend I need to tell you this and it’s not going to be comfortable for either of us but.....” he should be changing his bed at least once a week. He should shower daily. He should be bringing dirty pots out of his room before they pile up and stink. He should open his bedroom window every day. Shame on his mother for releasing him into civilisation before he was fully trained. He should know all that stuff by 11 or 12 and should be living by those rules by age 16.

Shame on his mother for releasing him into civilisation before he was fully trained.

Or his father even.

Can't tell if this is to tide him over for a few weeks until he finds somewhere or something more permanent, but either way - Sausagerollers has it. Speak to him frankly, bugger tiptoeing around after him lighting candles, or popping scented things in his room hoping he won't notice!

My housemate also has this man smell problem. He does shower though, so I don't really understand where it comes from. He also washes his sheets... But when his door is open it reeks.

Sounds like my brother. He's a lost cause, is vile.
I'd go into his room, put a diffuser in, febreeze it all and leave cleaning products and a bill. Ditto the bathroom.
Act like a kid, I'll treat you like one.

Actually as a student I had a flatmate who was smelly even when he was freshly showered. He'd emerge from the shower, hair washed and everything, and head back to his room wafting a smell of sweat! He was just sweaty, and couldn't help it. But it's your house and you can't go on like this indefinitely. Is the long term aim for him to get his own place again?

I've pondered the man smell thing. Do you think he may be putting clothes on again on the principle that they don't look dirty? But they are.

If you’re his friend didn’t you notice he smelled before he moved in?

Has he got a bit of depression and is not really looking after himself? If you don't drink enough and only eat crap then you will get worse bodily odour and smelly poo.

You shouldn't smell if you shower every 2-3 days, so long as you drink enough to keep flush out the bad stuff with your urine. If you don't drink enough then the urea comes out through your skin and causes BO.

So maybe have a word to see if he's feeling ok in himself?

It's fine to say to him "you know I'm your friend as well as your landlady, but I'm not your mother. I shouldn't have to tell you to have a shower every day, use deodorant, bleach the toilet after a poo, keep left over food out of your bedroom & open your windows.
If you want me to be your friend, that's great. But if you want me to be your mother, then you living here really isn't going to work out."

^^ Word for word of this

Everytime you are outside his room shout 'bathroom's free for a shower now' - maybe he'll get the hint that showering at least once a day is the norm.

Can you open his door and windows during the day ? (I did this when living with a smelly man and it worked a bit. I also used to run in and spray air freshener around wildly whenever he was out.)

I'd also draw up a list of 'rules' (say you forgot to give it to him when he moved in or something) and include 'all dirty dishes to be brought down and washed up or they will smell' and 'bed linen to be washed '

And yes fill toilet room with VIpoo type products clearly displayed on top of the cistern.

If he’s your friend you really can tell him!

“Dave, look it’s a bit awkward but since we are friends and house sharing I need to have a word about airing the bathroom after you use it and your room every day. It’s even more awkward to raise this but now the weather is warm you really need to be showering and using deodorant plus a clean shirt every day if you don’t want to be That Bloke in the office/train/ pub. Now, we’ve got that out of the way, fancy a beer?”

Oh dear, OP, you need to get rid and say it's not working out as you need your own space etc. If he's generally grubby then I'd bet he doesn't wash his hands after those stinky poosand is then using your kitchen, touching switches, door handles etc ....yuk. Not your job to retrain him, just get rid.