To think parents attach more strongly to adult daughter than adult son children

[SleepingStandingUp]

according to the law of Escape To The Country.

Whenever older couple are planning a cross country move, they also seen to be moving towards where the daughter lives rather than the son. It's said so often it's a running joke in our house that if we have a daughter we'll stalk her when she moves out

So assuming that parents love their children equally, why do parents seem more likely to follow the daughter instead of the son across the country

Perhaps because women are still burdened with the lion's share of childcare responsibilities and women's parents want to help out? It may also be due to awkward relationships between the parents and their son's wife -- many MIL/PIL threads on here would bear that out. If PIL move to be closer to grandchildren it is frequently considered "interfering" or "suffocating".

I think it's the other way around actually, but daughters often stay more attached to the parents. Usually for practical reasons surrounding childcare.

I do think (on the whole) maternal GPS see a lot more of their DGCs than paternal GPs do.

I don't think it's for childcare reasons.

I think girls are closer to their parents than boys as they don't have that close bond with DIL.

And as the old saying goes that a daughter is a daughter for life and a son is a son till he gets married or something along those lines

I think in the moan women are much more attached to their mums on a daily basis

Often many mums don’t here form their sons once they have left home but I don’t know many women unless they have a poor relationship who would be willing to move far away and yes hold plays a part

My GM used to hit out with that saying all the time, a daughters a daughter all her life, a sons a son till he takes a wife. Tbh its very true in our family, I'm glad i have 2 dds.

What do mothers that only have sons do?

Maybe for elder care reasons? Parents subconsciously assume their daughter will deal with that for them when the time comes?

I’m guessing it’s because women still bear the brunt of domestic arrangements, whether it is childcare or keeping in touch with family etc. I am the one on mat leave with DS, I am the one who will be working PT after mat leave. I am naturally closer to my mother than MIL. My mum has only daughters, my MiL has only sons. She often claims that she thinks of me and my SIL as daughters but her conception of it is v weird.
I can imagine my mum and dad moving to be closer to me. I’d appreciate it. I’d honestly dread MiL doing the same. I’m sure DH would enjoy it but he wouldn’t have to spend more than a Sunday afternoon with whoever moved closer so he wouldn’t get the same say.

Well this thread started out quite lighthearted with the OP, but soon took a horrible turn

Barbarian us mums with sons just stay the other side of the Country completely cut off from our children, and keep ourselves busy by hating our Dils apparently.

I think parents might just...you know... be individuals.
My parents share a (2-family house) with their youngest son and his family. Much as I love them, I couldn't have coped with that: I need my independence (and do, in fact, live in a different country). My two other brothers live closer to them than I do and see them more often.

Perhaps there's something odd about me, but I was fine moving far away. I miss them and I love them, I talk to them on the phone every week and visit them in the holidays, but I didn't need them for practical everyday matters.

My BIL and his wife lived close to his parents for a long time: I think my SIL felt almost like they were her parents too.

Yes I agree it’s the simple fact a daughter is generally closer to her parents. Also if they get older some may be more comfortable asking for help from daughter?

We see a lot of my brother but they spend more time with SIL family and the children are closer with other grandparents rather than my Mum. It will probably be the same when I have a family- although not intentional.

On the other hand, Redyoyi, I’m glad I have a son. No paying for a wedding, and my DIL (assuming he gets married/is heterosexual) will hate me so much I won’t be roped into child care duties and can flit around enjoying retirement.

My mum’s MIL used to call her the daughter she never had. It was quite insulting to her actual daughter but it kind of shows not all MIL and DIL relationships are the same.

My parents didn't. They moved closer to my brother, and he gets the brunt of the responsibilities now they are old and need more help. Their reasoning seems to have been that they helped him out a lot when he was younger (he struggled a bit through a combination of bad decisions and injuries that were just bad luck) so he owes them something. I'm not sure whether they've actually said that to him, but I've never heard him complain about the way things are.

Totally true in my experience. My mum is exceptionally close to me and my sister and our dcs. Both mil are very distant and feature little in dcs lives. Not for the lack of trying in my part. However both mil have dgc from daughters and are very involved in their lives.

I am the exception to the rule. My own parents don't give a monkeys and I only ring my mum a couple of times a year to check she is alive. My life is much much better without her and my social worker file from childhood backs that up.

However my lovely in-laws only ever had boys, 4 of them, of which DH is the youngest. Lovely in laws have helped each son out in turn, providing childcare and support, eventually moving down to us. We genuinely couldn't do without them and I just don't recognise the horrid mil stories i see on here. I love mine to bits. She does my ironing, looks after my kids, walks the dog and never outstays her welcome. She sees my viewpoint more often than dh's and has more than once supported me above and beyond.

When my own two are grown I hope i'll be like her and not my own mother.

Women do most of the work, housework, childcare and elder care.
Women are more likely to turn to their mothers for help than their mother in laws.

Parents maybe aren't so worried about supporting and helping their adult sons, because they have a wife and mother in law to care for them.

This is a very weird thread. My daughter, whom I love to bits, is very different to me and we have no interests in common. She is also fiercely independent. My son, whom I also love to bits, shares many interests in common with me and we do a lot of stuff together. If either of them move out, it will probably be my son I see more of and keep in close contact with, and DD when she feels the need. I think it’s a lot to do with the personalities involved.

What do mothers that only have sons do? they can move anywhere they want as long as they're less traffic

phlebasconsidered I'd love her too if she did my ironing 😂😂

SumerisIcumenin too much ETTC and not enough sleep

I didn’t get the children I ordered, but too late now to send ‘em elsewhere and try again.

What do mothers that only have sons do?
Support them like i would any daughter.
This is such a weird thread
Half of you on here spouting sexist shite would be up in arms if it wad the other way round.

I'm closer to my Mum than dh is to his, in fact we are the type of family in the op as we sold both houses and bought a large one together so dm lives with us.

The main reason was care, Dad died unexpectedly and I was going to Mum's daily so it made sense to be under the same roof, I do have a brother but he's useless and we never see him.

In our situation - we came back from abroad with two children under two and needed help with childcare which my parents were able and willing to do. My in laws were too elderly and unwell, so we came back to my home village to live and have stayed here. My brother lived here when we returned but as he is under the thumb of his wife she wanted to move near her family up north so they left.

dustarr I think that PP was being sarcastic

This thread is a load of nonsense. I am closer to MIL than DM. I moved away from family and would be mortified if they followed me down here. We have managed 10 years without depending on them for childcare.

Don't get me wrong I love my family. But that old saying about a daughter is for life and the son is only until he gets a wife etc is BS.

I have 2 DS and hope that any future DIL or SIL doesn't hate me

I live a stones throw from my in-laws, they still live in the house dh grew up in.

SlL (dh's only sibling) lives a two hour flight away with her dh.

We have children, SIL has none.

MIL & FIL adore SIL to the point FIL is a different man when she is around. Mr Personality.

In-laws are a funny old lot. I am perfectly nice to them and they don't interfere but it's obvious when SIL is home for a visit it's like the prodigal daughter has arrived!

Even though it's DH who does the day to day running of their business alongside his own job whilst they swan off abroad half the year.

We've been married 20+ years so it's not like this is a new discovery.

Well exactly duststarr. And yes, I was being sarcastic.