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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step-child - why do my friends do this?

28 replies

ArnoldBee · 17/06/2018 19:12

Just had a message from one of my nosey friends questioning/informing me of the whereabouts of my step-child. Step-child is in the care of their mother and my friend has felt the need to ask me where step-child is as they cannot see them with their mother at a local event. I've also had messages from other friends when step-child and/or their mother has been out and about. If it's not our time we don't care (In the nicest possible way) so why do my friends feel the need to report back?

OP posts:
Angel64391 · 17/06/2018 19:18

Are they worried that the child is in any danger when they’re messaging you?

Labradoodliedoodoo · 17/06/2018 19:30

give them your ex’s number ?

BlueJava · 17/06/2018 19:32

You have to work out if they are stirring or genuinely concerned. If you think the former then distance them. If they are genuinely concerned then consider what action you need to take.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 17/06/2018 19:33

If it's not our time we don't care (In the nicest possible way)

Is there a nice way? Perhaps your friends think you'd be interested in where your step-child is? Perhaps they're making conversation? Perhaps they're just trying to maintain contact and are taking an interest the way they would if it was your actual child?

Ask them. Say "do you think I should be interested?" and see what they say.

Starlight345 · 17/06/2018 19:36

I have this as a childminder . I saw .... at the supermarket ..... ooh so the parents do wat then 😂

Starlight345 · 17/06/2018 19:36

Eat not wat

Original poster
ArnoldBee · 17/06/2018 19:37

In the situations that have been reported to me there hasn't been a safeguarding issue to be considered.

OP posts:
Angel64391 · 17/06/2018 19:40

Just tell them you’re not interested then

bluemoonchances · 17/06/2018 19:40

They're trying to be shit stirring gossips. Well done you for not rising to it. You're quite right, if there's no safe guarding concern then why would you be bothered? Just reply "oh right, I'm sure their mum has their child care covered but thanks for letting me know" .

Original poster
ArnoldBee · 17/06/2018 19:42

And yes in the nicest possible way does the child's mother need people reporting to me that she's been on a bus or in a shop? If it was casual conversation/general catch up not so bad but it's specific messages just about a sighting.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/06/2018 19:42

Trying to gossip and stir that’s why

Maelstrop · 17/06/2018 19:43

I’d message back asking how exactly the fuck it has anything to do with them. What a PITA.

3boysandabump · 17/06/2018 19:46

I just would respond. They'll get bored if they realise reporting this back to you isn't going to end up as a 20 min gossip

ohreallyohreallyoh · 17/06/2018 19:51

Good for you for not being bothered by it. No, mum doesn’t need to be spotted...she’s not a celebrity. I would say disinterest generally and it will eventually stop.

Isleepinahedgefund · 17/06/2018 19:51

I think the bit where you said “nosey friend” says it all. It’s none of their business, and really none of yours if the child isn’t in your care.

Weezol · 17/06/2018 19:54

I'd respond with 'And?' every time until they get bored of trying to drag you into gossiping.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/06/2018 19:55

Have you pointed out to them that their children are not with them every second of every day? Presumably they have play dates or spend time with grandparents/relatives. So why are they expecting your step child to ALWAYS be with one or other parent?

Notevilstepmother · 17/06/2018 19:55

What peculiar behaviour. Is she generally a bit odd?

AcrossthePond55 · 17/06/2018 19:58

"Thank you for telling me. But

Original poster
ArnoldBee · 17/06/2018 20:00

Mmm I'll try the and? I have so far responded with the least amount of interest possible in the hope I don't such messages again. I see the tonight's sibling quite often at the local shop with or without their children and don't feel the need to message them when I have a sighting!

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 17/06/2018 20:03

Step-child is in the care of their mother and my friend has felt the need to ask me where step-child is as they cannot see them with their mother at a local event.

That does seem bloody weird to me.

Perhaps your friends think you'd be interested in where your step-child is? Perhaps they're making conversation? Perhaps they're just trying to maintain contact and are taking an interest the way they would if it was your actual child?

If it's "oh I see your DS was doing activity x" then it's just chitchat. The OP seems to describe it more as "DS is currently walking down street x, can't see what they are doing from behind this hedge, OMG, they turned left!!"- which would be odd. If I was the mum, I'd be irritated at someone providing commentary on what I was doing to my ex's partner.

Original poster
ArnoldBee · 17/06/2018 20:06

Yes donquixo it's like you have described! I also don't need to know the bus number and stop that she got on at.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 17/06/2018 20:23

Yes donquixo it's like you have described! Dear God! Find new friends.

Weezol · 17/06/2018 20:37

Your friend may benefit from getting a life taking up a hobby or volunteering to broaden her interests.

BrendasUmbrella · 17/06/2018 20:41

Respond to messages with concern like "Why are you letting me know? Are they in trouble?!" It won't take long until they think "Wow, I'd better not tell ArnoldBee that her stepchild is at the deli counter in Morrisons with their Mum right now, or she'll totally over-react..."