To be annoyed at the unsolicited negative opinions towards marriage we get every time someone finds out DP and I are engaged?

[lilyheather1]

Happens to DP more than me, unsure if this is because people view him as the more practical of the two of us, but countless times when DP has come home from work (he runs events/ functions so works with a variety of venue event managers) and has mentioned in passing about our upcoming nuptials, he seems to get unsolicited negative advice or experiences. Recent gems have been:
"The first year is the hardest, then it sort of becomes placid."
"That's the end of the honeymoon period then!"
"Marriage is really hard work, good luck."

Is there a polite way to tell people to butt out or will I have to pull up my big girl pants and deal with this for the final 10 months before the wedding?

Eh, I think YABabitU. It’s weird that people provide these unsolicited comments but it’s also what people do. When you get an offer accepted on a house, people tell you about the absolute nightmare they had 20 years ago when three successive sellers pulled out/they moved in and discovered dry rot/the house fell down the minute they completed. When you announce a pregnancy people tell you about their sister’s horrific birth or make a joke about how you’ll never have a lie-in again. Announce retirement and someone will tell you about their father-in-law who died two weeks after he retired. I don’t know why people do this, but they do - if getting engaged is the first time you’ve encountered it then prepare yourself for the rest of your life!

Especially in the context you’re talking about of your partner’s work, people just feel the need to say SOMETHING, because lots and lots of people are terrible at small talk. It sounds like they’re vague acquaintances of your partner who haven’t even met you so it’s not a comment on the specifics of your relationship, why get upset about it?

Marriage is great - but the work bit comes in the compromises you have to make to keep it all going. It isn't all rainbows, glitter and unicorns for evermore, but as long as dh brings me a mug of tea in bed each morning, then romance isn't dead!

We've somehow managed to be married for 32 years in September, so it is doable, but you do have to invest time and effort into the relationship.

Is marriage hard work? No more than any long term relationship. Extricating yourself from a marriage is hard work but not the marriage itself.

End of the honeymoon period - don't know why people say shit like this. I cycle in and out of honeymoon periods with my DH - weeks where we cant keep our hands off each other and weeks when we're tired or fed up and don't want anything more than a cuddle. But nothing ever touches the bone deep love I have for him, and that gets stronger all the time.

I certainly didn't find the first year hard and it certainly hasn't been placid since then!

People are rude and full of shit OP. You're a grown woman so you KNOW marriage isn't a magic spell that turns life into a fairytale - so I don't know why other people are assuming you can't work this out for yourself. Don't let other people's weird insecurities or relationship failures affect how you feel about your decision to marry your DP. They're just projecting and blustering!

We moved in with each other only few weeks before marriage - involved me moving from another part of Uk - didn't really find first year hard.

Second year was harder but move to another city to a much more problematical property job changes on top of first pg was cause of that. Had a great third year of marriage. IL post marriage and definitely after first DGC much more of a problem to me than before.

Actually this reminds me of the tits who felt moved to tell me I might miscarry in my early pregnancy

I had this but we hadn't told anyone I was pg till first trimester had passed and with it highest risk. I found it so upsetting we waited even longer to announce second pg.

Try and ignore it.

As an update in case it's relevant, been together 5 years, engaged for 1, home owners for 1. I would say we've been through a fair amount together in that time and honest to god, I still feel giddy with him. Maybe that'll fade over time, maybe it wont, but I know I'm marrying my best friend and I hope the advice we've had is being given out of love rather than anything else. To be honest I think if anything was going to come between us it would have been the experience of buying a house. People should warn you how proxy stressful it is!

I'm about to get married but we have weathered some torrential storms in the relatively short time we have been together so I think we'll be ok. It won't change anything for us, more a useful practicality.

Never had these comments but I'd lived with dh for 10years already. Prepare yourself for the comments you'll get if you decide to have kids.
Congratulations on your engagement.

I was with dh for 8 years before we got married. Married life is no different to life before, except we had a lovely day to talk about and I got a new surname. Been married 4 years.

I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years. We were together for 2 years before we married but didn't always live together.

A marriage can be hard work at times - I took my vows very seriously as did DH and part of those vows is recognising that things may not always be rosy but that you work through the difficult times together.

For instance, 18 months ago, my DH went through a very difficult time at work which made him very stressed and depressed and resulted in him taking some time out of work and then doing something totally different. It was a tough time for both of us - me supporting him, him dealing with the stresses and for both of us the uncertainty of what was going to happen. However, we worked through it and have come out the other side very well.

I don't think marriage should be taken lightly by any means.