Colleague off sick, don't want her to come back. AIBU?

[Penny80]

Colleague currently off sick, has been for two months and will be for another month at least. The reason given on her sick note is not true, but would've been very hard for a doctor to doubt her. She planned to go off sick and told more than one colleague that this was her intent. Manager is aware of this but has to deal with her by the book so unable to confront etc.

Colleague has a history of poor behaviour in the office, she is snippy and outright nasty to other staff, including one in particular who has been very upset by it. In my mind this clearly amounts to bullying. Wouldn't be the first time, colleague was investigated by previous manager (same company different department) for similar behaviour, accusation was completely true but colleague never accepted it - witch hunt, conspiracy blah blah blah. Measures were put in place but she soon after moved teams.

She is a horrible person and although I only work part time I find she makes the office so tense and uncomfortable that even though we've been short staffed that it's much better without her there. Everyone is noticeably happier.

Writing this now I feel like there's no way I'm being unreasonable (maybe people will disagree with that) but DH and a couple of friends who don't know colleague have suggested I should be more understanding and maybe she's really ill (she isn't). It's hard to explain the impact one person has in the office but it's a small team and she's so horrible there's just not enough people to dilute her influence iyswim.

It's not clear at this stage if she will be returning. AIBU to not care about her and hope that she doesn't come back? Feel a bit heartless but secretly happy I don't have to deal with her at the moment. Obviously NC btw.

On an bit of a tangent but in your shoes I would be cross with my DH for not trusting my judgement about the woman. Presumably he doesn't know her?

When you want to moan about a colleague you don't need your spouse sticking up for them .

Just to be clear re the sick note. I genuinely don't think the doctor is lying, I think they have been lied to and would find it very difficult to disprove what colleague said even if they suspected she wasn't truthful. She is a very believable liar and unless you know her well you wouldn't see how manipulative she is. She comes across as very sweet and nice when you meet her. I could see how easy it would be to present herself as a vulnerable poorly woman, possibly victimised by her work. It's a despicable thing to do, there are people out there who are genuinely sick with what she is lying she has and she has put the doctor in a position where they have unknowingly signed a sick note that shouldn't exist.

@SeaCabbage yes I can't say I was impressed with him! He is a good man but is a known neutral when it comes to my rants! Most of the time I'm grateful for that, it helps me gain a fair perspective! He just likes to see the good in everyone I think.

She told her colleagues she was going to be off sick?

My colleague tried to tell us that she probably wouldn't make it into work due to the weather (this was back when heavy snow was forecast). Heavy snow didn't materialise. So she went off sick instead.

I have nothing to offer other than the observation that you cannot change her behaviour but you can change your reaction to her behaviour, ie don’t react the way she expects.

The nhs have very good sick entitlements, 6 months full pay, 6 months half pay. I worked with a toxic nasty two faced liar, she didn't get on with the new manager who she couldn't manipulate or tell porkies to so left, hooray hooray hooray, best day ever in the office.

@EggysMom she assumed without questioning it that we all supported her perspective on our manager and the work changes. We didn't, and she didn't think to check. I think she thought she was going to be applauded for being brave enough to take a stand so was ballsy enough to be up front about what she was planning to do. It's backfired obviously.

Totally get this! There are even people at my work who I actually get on with ok, but if they went it would make life more pleasant as for whatever reason they can bring down the atmosphere. I think you’re not BU at all but not sure what you can do about it. Maybe her ‘lies’ will come out another way - be caught on SM or someone will see her out and about? Assume it’s a mental health problem, which is of course hard to prove physically.

You have my sincerest sympathies, OP. With a good team, it hardly matters if the job is really difficult, but with working with unpleasant people makes the easiest job hell.

Many years ago I had a really hard summer job where our boss went off on a honeymoon. It meant that we had an even higher work load but the atmosphere was so much improved, we worked much better and started to enjoy the job.

Working with narcissistic personalities can be very difficult as they can make every issue out to be an example of them being victimised, sidelined or bullied, even when it's obvious that the changes make sense for the greater good.

There are threads upon threads of posters discussing family members with narcissistic tendencies, or other personality disorders. These same people are out there in the workplaces displaying their symptoms too. Why are some posters having a problem believing the OP?

GPs can't administer truth serum, they have to take their patients' symptoms as real in most cases, even when they have a suspicion that they're false or exaggerated.

There's been lots of management research about so called 'toxic' individuals in the workplace. They're one of the greatest threats to productivity and can cause huge amounts of stress and cost massive amounts of money.

I hope she doesn't return OP, there is nothing more unsettling than a poisonous colleague.

Thank you for all the support. I actually feel better about it all just from getting it all out.

The posters who have mentioned her being toxic or poisonous have hit the nail on the head. She's not the type to stand up and have screaming rows in the office, although she can be confrontational at times, it's the poison that seeps into the team from her constant negative influence. It is very difficult to explain and is one of those situations understood best if you've been in a similar office, although I wish very much that none of you are.

We're a good team and on the whole run very smoothly without her. We are of varying ages and backgrounds but mesh nicely. I think I'm just going to try to enjoy the next month without colleague and see how things are at the end of it!

Thanks again for the majority of posts!

My toxic ex-colleague was happy to announce they only came back because their sick pay had ended and they didn't actually want to be there. Crikey, it was flipping awful.
I've had three toxic colleagues over the years (several different organisations), one was sacked, I left because of another one and the most recent one left.

Enjoy the peace and quiet, with a bit of luck she will realise she's not popular and resign anyway, don't spend energy worrying about her, her behaviour, her lies or her being off sick.

This sounds like it could be about a member of my family, could this place of work possibly be in the UK but not England?
And for what it's worth, none of my family can stand her either

She sounds like a very difficult woman, and you should just not worry about her and enjoy the fact that she isn't there for the moment. She isn't worth all this headspace tbh.