Working Housewife

[Pepperypig]

I was just thinking about how much things have changed. My mum's generation worked but were still expected to do all the childcare, housework etc. My aunt used to always say that she would have to go because my uncle would be home soon and she would have to make his tea. To clarify she worked as a cleaner at a school and worked for a couple of hours every day before getting the kids up and ready for school. She would then go back to work at 6 each night to do a couple more hours. I could never understand why they let men walk all over them but they accepted it. Women today would just never put up with that.

I used to put up with that. I have no doubt many women do.

Women today would just never put up with that.

Judging by the amount of posts on here about husbands/partners who do nothing and won't help I'm not sure that the above statement is true.

So your aunt worked a four-hour day and did more housework than someone who presumably worked a full day? Where’s the unreasonable bit?

My mum always worked (mainly part time, but still) and always did everything in the house. Even now that stepdad is retired and she isn't, she STILL does everything.

My dp thinks I'm nagging him but I really don't want to set the expectations now, that I'll do everything and he can do nothing.

By the way my mum worked/works way more than 4 hours a day! Usually 3 or 4 full days a week.

Your aunt worked 4 hours a day. On those hours of course she would do the housework. My uncle used to do most of the housework and childcarenback in the seventies because he had odd jobs (plasterer) while she had a solid job in the bank that often ran. Your experience isn’t the only one!

I don’t think anything has changed . When you see surveys about this the results say that women who work full time still generally do the housework and cooking. And your Aunt working only 4 hours , it seems quite reasonable she did the housework .

I'm a working hw. I work 4 nights a week and do the majority of housework when dc are at school. So does the dinners, gardening and diy. I've told him that if I go full time he will need to do more, it's just naturally fallen to me as I work half the hours he does.

Not so. DH

My aunt might have only worked 4 hours a day but she also looked after 4 kids, did all the housework, childcare etc. Also, most of my uncles spent Saturday in the pub or at the golf -the women just didn't get a break. I just wouldn't put up with it.

It's not always a generational thing.

For example, my grandparents (now in their 80s) had 5 children. They each worked full time, separate shifts, and whoever was home did the home-work. My grandad was just as involved in housework and childcare as my gran, and vice versa. Now, my grandad does all the cooking and housework, as he is in slightly better health.

I worked full time and did all the child, house, garden and life stuff too. My now xh did nothing. Women put up with it for many reasons, for me, if i didnt do it, it wouldn't get done. If a person only works a few hours a day of course they should do the majority.

Lots of women do. Have you read the book Wifework?

The thing is some of the answers here are totally at odds with what I normally see on MN. Normally SAHMs are championed for looking after the children and are told it is work. My aunt was up at 5 every day and never stopped. My uncle came home from work to his tea made and then more or less did nothing whereas she still had to go to work, do the dishes, put the kids to bed etc. She actually died in her 50s - no wonder she must have been knackered.

My DDs are both in their early 30s one married with DCs and the other lives with DP no DCs. The younger, married, one is a SAHM. Her DH is very hands on with the DCs and does quite a bit of the cooking. Housework, not so much, but she's at home all day and he isn't, so not unreasonable.

I was actually having a conversation about this a few days ago with the older one. She and her DP both work full time, both doing more than one job with very committed hobbies. If housework needs doing it's done by whoever sees it needs doing, whatever it is, and they both do the food shoping and cook.

But it seems that with most of her friends - who all work - and work mates this isn't the case, their DP/DH don't expect to do housework.

They live in a very 'hip' sort of town that most people would assume is full of 'new men', unfortunately, when it comes to pulling their weight in the home and with childcare these 'new men' seem to have retained a great many of the 'old' attitudes and see these things as 'women's work'.

My mother was a SAHM and my father worked full time. However he was very hands on with the DCs and would do a lot round the home. He was born in well over a century ago. It was just the way he was.

I think a great many people will leave stuff to someone else if they can get away with it and unfortunately there are still a great many men who are happy to go on doing that. I don't believe that most women today won't 'put up with it'. I suspect that for a great many women nothing has changed.

My exh did absolutely nothing around the home or with the DCs. I never found a way to change that. His attitudes towards me is the reason he's my exh. There's only so much pushing you can do if someone won't budge.

you would have put up with it, because you wouldn't have had much choice.

My nan was in a similar position. It was legal to sack a woman for getting married, there was no such thing as maternity leave, there was no concept of rape within marriage, later in her marriage the pill was invented but you needed your husband to agree to it. it was completely legal to pay a woman less than a man for the exact same position, it was pretty normal for parents to educate their daughters less for example even if the passed the 11 plus, not to send them as the uniform was more expensive. You couldn't get credit without a man to sign for it, you couldn't even get a mortgage without a man to sign for it, women didn't even sit in the house of lords till the late 50s
and the whole of society was like it

obviously some women didn't 'put up with it' and worked hard to change legislation

grasspigeons very valid points. And to think it's not that long ago either that this was the case. Thank goodness times have changed.

I don’t think anything has changed at all, judging by the posts on here where men don’t pitch in at all.

My dad was raised rather differently for the era. His father was a good week, and said “you never know when your wife might die and you’ll be left alone” so he was taught to cook well from a young age, so DIY, and always cleaned. That was my normal—a man who actually did 60/40 around the house (both parents worked full-time).

A good cook, that should read.