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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help me choose the right home

46 replies

Pretendname1 · 17/06/2018 09:39

I'm separating from my husband. We have an amazing house together and I'm the one that will be leaving with my son.
I have 2 options and need help to make the right decision today.

1 - a 2 up 2 down. Unfurnished, with an attic room that could be a games room or for guests. Kitchen is smaller than a bus shelter so would need to put fridge freezer in 2nd reception. I would need to buy white goods, furniture etc.

2 - a completely furnished 2 bed ground floor apartment. Bit bachelor-pad-esque. would need to spend nothing on furniture so could save money. Coming from a large victorian terrace so may seem claustrophobic. No room for 'stuff' really

Both are walking distance to son's school, both similar price, both have agreed to 9 months tenancy. Neither will take the cats, so they will need to stay with my husband.

Any advice? I don't have lots of spare money for furniture.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 17/06/2018 11:12

OP I'm assuming this is a temporary measure until the house is sold if you are divorcing? In which case I would go for option 1 as you would need furniture anyway if you are to go on to buy a house. Will you be able to take your cats then?

JaceLancs · 17/06/2018 11:15

House - buy everything secondhand
Will feel more like home - you won’t be worrying about stuff getting damaged
Noise would be a factor in flat too

sunshinesupermum · 17/06/2018 11:20

Frunished flat as you won't be there long term. You say you don't have money to buy anything so this is the most reasonable option until the family house is sold and you can buy what you really need.

Good luck

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/06/2018 11:21

Your DH should move out but he is not suddenly going to stop being an arse.

No. 2 the flat. Minimise the possibility of your DH being able to make life difficult whilst you try to finish the new place. Go for the flat because you can just move in and take some time to work out your next steps without having to organise loads of stuff.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/06/2018 11:22

furnish not finish

sadie9 · 17/06/2018 11:25

House definitely. It is less of a difference for your son as an apartment can seem like a hotel or something if you are not used to them.
You can get good secondhand stuff very cheap or free, if you have the time to soure it. Is there a bit of outdoor space?

LivLemler · 17/06/2018 11:30

I think I'd go for the ease of the apartment for now. The house does sound like a better long term prospect, but I'd be tempted to make things as easy as possible at first. Then after nine months you can reconsider what's the best long term option.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 17/06/2018 11:47

I agree with no 2. If your head is all over the place I think you need as easy a move as possib!e. Then down the line when you feel stronger and more settld, you could look into moving somewhere and getting furniture, make it your own. But for now, just get out and give yourself and DS a relatively easy fresh start.

AttilaTheMusical · 17/06/2018 12:26

Quick and easy wins the day on this one, probably no 2 would be the best bet in the short term.

Lsnowe · 17/06/2018 12:40

No 2 for ease. Although either will be fine. Good luck to you and ds

possumgoddess · 17/06/2018 12:50

I agree with Chaz, go for the flat in the short term to give yourself time to plan what to do in the long term. Once the divorce goes through and settlements have been agreed you should have a better idea of where you can move to and what furniture and white goods you need.

eloisesparkle · 17/06/2018 16:42

OP I hope you are getting good legal advice.
It seems so unfair that you've to leave a home that your abuser can stay in.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 17/06/2018 16:44

#2 definitely. best of luck to you op.

RB68 · 17/06/2018 16:47

you realise you can take stuff from the house you are moving out of - basic furniture for sure.

I would go for the house as its your own four walls and no upstaris and downstairs to worry about, bit of outside space and indoor play area for son etc

FB and gumtree are good for cheap bits and bobs and so are auction houses - loads of stuff in them.

Good Luck and please don't walk away leaving the house and everything in it for him - part of it is yours

RB68 · 17/06/2018 16:49

oh and living with other peoples furniture is a nightmare especially if they have bought it to fill a flat - its usually, cheap, nasty and uncomfortable

mindutopia · 17/06/2018 17:17

I would go for #1 unless you don’t plan to live there more than a year or so. I think a house is always nicer than flat and I’ve lived somewhere furnished before and found it more hassle than help. For me, furnished would only be better if you planned to move on within a year or two.

Viewofhedges · 17/06/2018 17:28

First one. You can get furniture very cheaply as long as you don't mind second hand (I'm clearing out a relative's house at the moment and am desperate to give things away). Cheap / free furniture can be painted if you like. Space is far more important. Wishing you luck and peace in your lovely new home.

Original poster

Pretendname1 · 17/06/2018 20:06

Thanks all.

I really know i need to get legal advice and should fight to stay here but i'm exhausted and unhappy. I can't take stuff from here as my son will be here every weekend.

I'm at the point of stressing so much i'm going to lose my nerve and stay.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 17/06/2018 20:13

Do take your DS stuff, H will have to replace it.

The stuff is your sons and he will spend the majority of his time with you. If H complains just reply "perhaps it can be considered when we do the financial settlement" take the wind out of his sail.

Go through toys etc and take those that matter the most to DS etc

sunshinesupermum · 18/06/2018 11:16

Please leave as soon as you can for your mental health. If that means a furnished flat with some of DS's toys and clothes for now, so be it. No need to worry about buying any stuff for now, that isn't the priority.

Run don't walk. The split of marital home and possessions can be sorted via solicitor later. Most will give you first 30 mins free advice.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/06/2018 12:23

I don't think it will be easy for the OP to take her DS's stuff. If her DH is in any way abusive or controlling he is hardly going to help her leave him. I wouldn't be surprised if his approach is well if you want to leave the door is over there but you can't take anything from the house as DS will need it when he visits.

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