To be annoyed

[Lwg87]

I’ve organised a day out for my dads significant birthday and invited all close family. Provided transport, an excursion, planned picnic etc. Once I’d done invites I get a message from family member telling me they’ve had a message from a family member who is not closely related and lives far away who wants to come. I check with mother, she says fine but this family member has a disabled spouse who can’t go on the excursion. So I message them saying they can come along to the rest of the day but that bit isn’t possible for wheelchair users. They are disappointed as apparently when they were told about this months ago by other family members (when it was only an idea and nothing booked) they said excursion would need to be accessible etc. Now I look terrible but I have no idea why these family members made them think they would be invited - I’ve only met this person once. So they’ve been believing they will be coming along and I’ve arranged it all and they can’t take part. I feel terrible and stressed about it. I’d never knowingly exclude someone like that but the rest of us meet often and they’re never usually invited!

AIBU to be really annoyed that I’ve been put in this position and now look like the bad guy?

Nope, YANBU. Cheeky Fuckers!

YANBU. I think you need to explain to them that it was only for close family and you had no idea they were expecting an invite.

There's no way you should have to change the plans you've made for your dad's big Birthday for a distant relative you've only met once. They're being ridiculous.

not at all. Make it clear you weren't aware they would want to attend but as they're now asking if they can, it's too lawyer to change anything

You are not being unreasonable.

I would just be direct and give them a call explaining you had planned it for very close family and although you would love them to come and join in the boys they can as family is important you have sadly already spent a lot of time planning the schedule which is booked and confirmed so you are sorry they wouldn't be able to join that bit.

Any reasonable person will understand.

Don't feel bad. You have done a lovely thing planning this. Enjoy your day.

Thanks for the replies - I think I handled it quite well. I messaged him explaining that I didn’t think they would want to come as it’s so far away but they are very welcome but unfortunately can’t do the excursion. I also made it clear that nobody had told me they would like to come and therefore hadn’t purposely booked something they couldn’t do. Just when I thought it was sorted he replies on the group saying something about the coach not being accessible either so I suppose they will drive - he knows the situation at this point so why made a public complaint. I’ve hardly slept and instead of feeling bad about it I feel more annoyed and like I should have told other family members to break the news that they aren’t invited... hey ho

You have done your best and been fair. They might have been being petty or they might just want to let others know why they aren't traveling with the group.

I'd forget about all that, enjoy the day and buy yourself a thank you gift for planning it!