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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Will this be fun or hell?

28 replies

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 22:47

I love DP but he is a massive procrastinator.

Been trying to nail down summer holiday plans for august for the past month and he's being really annoying - we want to go somewhere in France but dont even know what region. He wants to drive (i dont drive and think it would be better to get the train but hes adamant). Thats about all he is actually decided on.

Other than that, im like....southbof france? Around montpellier? Near Marseille? Further up near Bordeaux? Or how about Ardeche? And hes like, "oh yeah we could go there! Ooh yeah, we could do! Yeah why not!" And "I need to properly investigate".

Yes mate. Yes you fucking do, because like 80% of places are booked, because 80% of people sorted this shit in january.

So im on AirBnB showing him places and he's just looking at my screen vaguely but mainly focussing on the simpsons.

In a fit of smooth, incredibly controlled rage, and only half jokingly, i said "oh I dont know darling partner, maybe fuck it, maybe we could just decide where we're going on the morning of our holiday". His reply was "we could do actually".

...

So. I now have 2 options:

  1. decide where we are going and book it, knowing he'll be fine with whatever. But that kind of takes the fun out of it you know? I dont want to decide alone. Also why the fuck should i, im not a fucking tour operator service!
  2. and this is what im seriously considering: actually just leaving it to chance and deciding on the morning we leave and just sleeping and visiting and staying wherever we happen upon. If that means wild camping, sleeping in shitty bnbs, roughing it in the car on the way, so be it.

Bearing in mind im actually quite relaxed (i mean slumming it doesnt bother me, im pretty sure me and DP will have a ball wherever we end up and along the way).

Whaddaya think MN?

OP posts:
LadyOdd · 16/06/2018 22:53

In life there’s few chances in life to be un burdened of responsibilities, if you just wing it there’s no deadlines to meet to check in if you find a beautiful camping spot you can stay for a bit. I’d go with the wild and free. Buy or print off campsites around your route and place of interest x have fun

condepetie · 16/06/2018 22:57

Oh my god. Go to Brittany. It's lovely, he can drive, you can find a lovely place of a million gites out there all hoping for patrons.

If you wanna risk sleeping in the car in shitfuck nowhere France, go for it. Book a nice gite somewhere if you want an actual plan. Why are you using AirBnB for this?

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 22:59

@condepetie
Because the original plan was take a week or a little more to rent somewhere where we could chill, maybe somewhere with a pool or something, but now im thinking fuck it, lets just do campsites along the way to Destination X to be decided on the morning we leave

OP posts:
MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 23:00

@LadyOdd
You're right 😊

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 16/06/2018 23:00

LTB

Littletreefrog · 16/06/2018 23:02

If you have no specific needs i.e child friendly places, single floor places because of mobility etc then just do the wing it option. We did it before and it was the best holiday we had pre kids.

MarthasGinYard · 16/06/2018 23:04

No I couldn't

I'm a planner. If I had specific hopes etc pool, view, a certain area I would have to book.

My Dp is a bit like this. No initiative and no planning but to be honest it wares me down these days

Enjoy your hols wherever you end up.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 16/06/2018 23:04

My parents like to feck off in the car through france, spain and portugal and just try stop for the night wherever they fancy/hotels have space. I just couldn't, give him a clatter round the ear

PinkGinny · 16/06/2018 23:09

Wing it! It will be an adventure - one way or the other. You'll talk about the shite holes you ended up in or the gorgeous places you enjoyed. And it's France, if all else fails wine & cheese will see you through.

HeddaGarbled · 16/06/2018 23:11

Hell. IMO.

Tripadvisor is your friend. Driving through some parts of France in August will not be the carefree experience you envisage. It would be good to spend a bit of your holiday out of the car.

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 23:13

@PinkGinny
Yep, well i just told him this is now officially what we're doing and he said "yeah! It'll be an adventure!" 👌

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 16/06/2018 23:16

You don't have to be driving all the time. When we did it we found a lovely village with a lovely beach and ended up staying for 3 nights because we didn't want to move on yet. That's why the freedom.is good. Drive straight through the bits you're not bothered about and stay longer at the bits you like.

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 16/06/2018 23:17

winging is a great idea, just be aware the August is when the majority of the French go on holiday a lot of the popular places could be booked up

bitmynailbrokemytooth · 16/06/2018 23:18

We do this ! We are seasoned campers with kids. We drive and it's a mixture of campsites and hotels. We are driving to Italy in August. We went to Italy 3 years ago and had a blast, so going back again. We've done France many times, sometimes booking campsites, sometimes not booking. We do book the Eurotunnel or ferry though, it can be very expensive if you don't book.

You will have great adventures as overlanders.

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 23:20

@bitmynailbrokemytooth
Were you doing pitches and your own tent at the campsites or those mobilehome things?

OP posts:
TwentySmackeroos · 16/06/2018 23:20

This week it was announced that the massive new ferry due to depart Ireland for France this summer now won't be ready for the season, and many of the thousands of Irish holiday-makers who were booked on it are now expected to be re-routed via U.K. ports - so there may be a major squeeze on availability and prices if you don't book soon.

barneymcgroo · 16/06/2018 23:35

We did something like that on our honeymoon - booked the first few nights, and car hire, and then sorted the rest out as we went. Not my usual thing - I'm more of a planner - but it was actually brilliant. You sometimes don't quite know where you want to be until you're there, IYSWIM. Go for it!

FartTransplant · 16/06/2018 23:40

We drove round Italy with no bookings, stopped where we fancied and found a hotel, had a great time. Maybe you should just wing it. If it goes tits up you can always blame 😂

bitmynailbrokemytooth · 18/06/2018 19:32

Sorry just got back on this, busy weekend.

Yes we did our own pitches and tent. You can find the mobile home type things available but I think they do need to be booked in advance

bitmynailbrokemytooth · 18/06/2018 19:38

If we go to Europe it's tent camping. DH has plans for a roof tent once the DC don't come with us anymore. We have had a roof tent before.

We have a touring caravan which we use in the U.K., it is a big bugger ( twin axle and 7.95 metres long ) so DH doesn't want to take it abroad. He would like a motorhome one day, hopefully we will do that when we have retired.

FaFoutis · 18/06/2018 19:43

My dh was like that before we had children. Twenty years later he has still never booked a holiday or even come up with an idea for one. It gets boring very quickly to always be the organiser.

Go for option 1. For god's sake don't start organising things when he won't.

sharkirasharkira · 18/06/2018 19:47

I don't know if it's your bag OP but there is a company called srprs.me (or something like that) which basically does all the planning for you and you find out on the day you go where it is.

You tell them where approximately you want to go (ie; north, south, east or west Europe)
How long for
What your budget is

They will then send you a pack saying giving rough packing advise like - 'pack for sun and the beach' or 'it'll be chilly, bring some walking boots'.

They'll tell you what time/airport/gate your flight is at and you find out when you get there where you're going Grin

Might not be what you're looking for but takes all the work out of it and you still get the fun and adventure part!

LuMarie · 18/06/2018 20:11

Oh lord, recent trip flashbacks for me

Three weeks with with OH, I did doubt that we would both make it back in one piece!

Mine was "yeah sure whatever, millions of nonspecific and non workable ideas" too. He also then added in a list of non-negotiable for him, with my preferences eventually getting put aside because he was doing nothing helpful to choose for us both.

Ok this will be ok I thought, whilst thinking, this is not going to be ok.

He had two tasks before we left. I did everything else, absolutely everything.

  • get some dollars as we need them for visa on arrival when we enter the country we are going to

  • get travel insurance for us both, as travel insurance is important go god don't get me started

He did

  • neither

He kept saying he would, then didn't. His eventual reasons why he didn't actually need to do them last minute

  • why didn't I get dollars (because I m doing everything and you said you would), why do we even need dollars we'll use euros (no this other country will not let you in without a visa and it has to be paid in dollars good god)

  • there is insurance on his debit card (except we used my credit card to book the flights and it only covers delays, not medical evacuation to a country with a hospital when he crashes his motorbike into the sea whilst not wearing a helmet) and (seriously, I could not believe this), he has not fallen down between ice sheets when on a glacier, he forgot all the safety equipment last time and his friends remembered theirs, as they didn't die a cold freezing fall off a mountain death, his friends carried an extra 5kg for nothing and no insurance was therefore needed).

I nearly ended the relationship when he said that.

So

  • I got dollars because I knew he wouldn't and didn't tell him I had enough for him too. I asked him what he was going to do because he needed them to get into the country literally until he was next in line at immigration. He may have finally started to wonder after 30 hours of flying and 30 times me telling him, but it only seemed to register then, gently, as I had to then hand him dollars
  • I called him the evening before, he started the excuses, I said put your mother on the phone. He's in his 30's and was visiting them. He didn't, so I hung up and called his mother, who was sitting next to him at dinner. This is when I realised she was happy he was now my problem and not his. I said that if he had an accident and needed whatever, I wasn't paying for it and I would just leave him there, or have his body sent to place he really hates, so he needed insurance. Finally his Dad told him to just get it to make me be quiet. Yes, excellent advice from his Dad, stop making me say these things. I booked my own insurance and at midnight he asked me how to for him. We live in his country, his language, his culture. So I told him no.

That was before we even left. I checked us in online and chose seats. I later tried to change the seats so we wouldn't be sitting together.

We had ridiculously quick changeovers in a few airports, I warned him we had to rush or we wouldn't make it, the airports were big, so move. He sat on each plane as they landed and refused to get up as everyone else did because it makes no difference, yes it does, last off the plane is a lost ten or fifteen minutes. He then decided he had to go to the bathroom. I said no time. He went anyway. I said please hurry up. He sauntered. I told him the details for our connecting flights, have him his tickets, he didn't listen and stared at boards after I had already found it. He lost said tickets. His stupid face wasn't recognised by the facial scanners in his own country, I asked security if they could please just keep him.

Then we got there and the fun really started! He knew what he wanted, he wanted to not pay the prices for it. We arrived at a hotel room, all of which I organised, transport, haggling, knowing the price, having currency, after he stood around aimlessly with his backpack in the middle of an island. I was on the terrace, he was in the room. Does the room have a safe he asks. Try looking. Are there towels? Look in the bathroom. Is there breakfast? The guy just told us there is breakfast. Is there an olympic size swimming pool nearby. We're on a desert island with limited electricity and no cars and are surrounded by the ocean, what do you think.

Finally after I couldn't take it anymore, I said please arrange the trip from this island to the next one. These are the names, you need two boat tickets, transport to the boat, somewhere to stay on next island. All the information is in your travel book, which I bought you a copy of in your language, that is all.

That was a fun day:) I sat by the pool drinking from a coconut with a straw whilst he flapped around, forgot everything, asking questions repeatedly to which I said "I'm enjoying my coconut, it's in your book".

He got us as far as the boat, no place to stay when we arrived, literally lost on a desert island. I had to find somewhere as we were on the boat and try to find transport.

He got lost the first evening we were in a small town with two main streets. Everything closes at 10pm. There was a monsoon. He arrived at half past midnight, he was soaked, he had walked for 25km randomly to goodness knows where before thinking to ask me the name of the hotel just as his phone battery ran out, then he fell in a hole.

Fell in a hole.

Arrived back covered in blood, soaked through, lost in the wilderness, completely happy. I fell in a hole!

End the relationship @MagicalMysteryTourer

End it:)

UrgentScurryfunge · 18/06/2018 20:24

I miss spontaneous holidays. Definitely not to be tried with young DCs in tow, that also had the advantage of not being tied to peak season. We used to do it for B&Bs and camping.

Our honeymoon was a flight out, flight home, first 4 nights booked and a few visas that could be organised from the UK. The rest was made up as we travelled with a rough ideal itinary in our heads. It worked brilliantly as we chatted with other travellers and adapted our plans to some surprise destinations and avoiding other regular places. There was a hairy moment when we appeared to be stuck at the 3 Gorges Dam, but a tour group we'd befriended on the cruise let us hitch a couple of spare seats on their coach to the next town Grin

halfwitpicker · 18/06/2018 20:25

Do you have kids?