How the fuck am I STILL not pregnant????

[Goinginsane000]

Sorry, I appreciate that this isn’t an AIBU but I am at breaking point and hoping there’s more traffic here.

I have been TTC for 3 years. I was referred for NHS fertility treatment 2 years ago. Tests showed I have PCOS, as suspected. Put on Clomid, had a chemical preg after 3 months. Ovulated probably 10 times out of 12 cycles if I remember correctly. No further BFP for another year. 13 months ago I had a laparoscopy with ovarian drilling. Worked wonders, had a natural period for the first time ever (without needing drugs to bring one on). Continued on Clomid and ovulated every single month without fail. Got pg 6 months later but miscarried at 7 weeks. Was then put on Letrozole. I have ovulated on every one of the 6 cycles I’ve been on this but no fucking BFP. Due to the miscarriage, I had to wait another year for my IVF referral because you need to have not had a pregnancy in the past 12 months.

There must be something else at play, surely???? How can this be happening? Does anyone have any insight or personal experience of a similar history??

For what it’s worth, I am 30. Size 10, have eaten a mainly carb and sugar free diet for 3 years. I don’t smoke or drink much (because I am constantly “possibly pregnant”). I exercise regularly and can run 6 miles in just under 40 mins with zero effort. I take very good care of myself.

Seriously, WTAF!

[Katedotness1963]

I have PCOS, was on and off Clomid for years. It took 14 years for me to get pregnant, unmedicated and shortly after we gave up all hope of having children.

[Tink2007]

I was sharing a friends experience and I was sharing that with the OP.

[crispysausagerolls]

Sent you a PM

[Celebelly]

Wow, this really is the infertility bullshit bingo.

Sometimes infertility is just unexplained and it's shit. There's still a lot medicine doesn't know about the reproductive process, but it's really hard to take if you're doing everything 'right' but it's still not working. No amount of relaxing or sticking your legs in the air will make an egg get fertilised and implant into your uterine wall. Don't tell people who have TTC for years and have had fertility treatment to 'just relax and it'll happen.' It's incredibly insensitive and rude.

[NotTheFordType]

Unexplained infertility has been on the rise for decades. (I personally believe it is an unknown phenomenon of nature due to over-population.)

You may never get that BFP. I hope that you do, but it may never come.

I really empathise. I spent 10 years TTC from the age of 25. Healthy lifestyle, etc etc. Sex every 2 days. Waking up at 6am to take my temperature, checking cervical mucus, all that crap. No problems with H's sperm and no problems with my system - had lap & dye plus hysteroscopy, was ovulating like normal, it was a mystery.

Having to listen to all the well-meaning but thoughtless cunts saying "It'll happen when you least expect it", "My friends were trying for 50 years and then she got caught suddenly when she was 90", "just relax and it'll happen," argh the rage.

Eventually you have to kill your hopes, before they kill you. It took me a few years of grieving before I got to a place of acceptance.

[JurassicBark]

@Goinginsane000 I don't think that's a crap diet by any means but I think with PCOS you need to be eating a hell of a lot more raw dark greens daily. Apart from the salad and the avo, neither of which are dark green you, haven't got many greens.

With PCOS I was told that 5/7 of my fruit a veg aim each day should be dark greens - this was a reverse conversation as I wasn't using contraception due to the fact I was told I would not get pregnant without help due to PCOS and then I found myself pregnant. I was told it was the amount of dark greens I ate... Unfortunately for me I was also taking a medication which was known to cause serious abnormalities in pregnancy.

I hope what I have written above does not come across as insulting, I have posted it in an attempt to try and offer a suggestion that you may not be aware of. A lot of people do get pregnant on shit diet's, but I don't know many people with PCOS that have without a lot of green veg in their diets.

[crispysausagerolls]

Also I agree people saying “just relax” or “stop thinking about it”’is the least helpful advice ever

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Unexplained infertility has been on the rise for decades.

I'm sorry, I know it may not be in keeping with the tone of the thread, but this made me guffaw.

I've got a visual of Ye Olde doctors in medieval England. 'There ys no suche thynge as unexplained infertilitie, yt is all by cause of starres and planetes misaligned.'

One way to keep diagnosis rates low, if you ask me.

[Mrsemcgregor]

Firstly, so sorry you are going through this. I struggled too.

Have you tried a lubricant like pre-seed? I conceived the first month I used it. Possibly a coincidence, but after many years of trying I can’t help but believe it helped.

Good luck

[PurpleDaisies]

flumpy those articles do not constitute evidence. If you’d read them, you’d see they both acknowledge that.

[dundermiflin]

One more thing op, I'm going to see a doctor soon who does integrative medicine. I have a friend who struggles with pcos and she said she doesn't get the cysts anymore and her hormones are normal now. She was always skinny but you could see in her skin at times that her hormones were all over the place, even though she ate healthy and didn't eat sugar. She had a baby a few years ago. So I'm going to see him before I take the step to ivf. I think we're probably in different countries but if you wanted his info I'd be happy to pass it on, you may still be able to consult.

[TheLastUNIC0RN]

Would you consider going private for IVF treatment? Like you I was bumped from NHS referral because I got pregnant - twice it happened! 4 years (4 miscarriages) from starting TTC we paid privately and I am now 19 weeks pregnant after our first go.
Nothing ever found to be wrong with either of us and I felt I was doing everything right - and something just wasn't clicking. Sometime I think we just need a little push.
I feel for you - it's not a nice place to be

[wineoclockthanks]

I used to hate, with a passion that scared me, people who told me to relax when we'd been trying for 2 years. Then I was due to be away at a hen do so we had a quick 'goodbye' bonk a week before I was due to ovulate and I drank myself silly for 10 days and the resulting DS is bouncing around upstairs!!

Lighthearted- it's a good thing he is the spitting image of DH because neither of us could believe it!

[SerenDippitty]

There was one study that seemed to show a link between stress and infertility but even that indicated that it might delay conception for a few months but not prevent it for years. It has since been shown to be flawed. There really isn’t any independent peer reviewed research that proves a link.

For me being told to relax just made me feel like it was my fault I wasn’t conceiving. For the first year or so I wasn’t worried, we were house hunting and had lots of other things to think about. We went to the doctor after 18 months but even then I wasn’t really worried, just thought it was a matter of time.

[PoisonousSmurf]

Old wives tales can work!

www.bustle.com/p/7-old-wives-tales-about-getting-pregnant-that-can-actually-be-true-65412

[SerenDippitty]

flumpy those articles do not constitute evidence. If you’d read them, you’d see they both acknowledge that.

One of them actually links to some research suggesting the contrary.

[Celebelly]

The 'just relax' anecdotes tend to have one thing in common: they all involve having sex at a different time than usual. That suggests to me that it's nothing to do with 'relaxing', but more that some people haven't been tracking ovulation properly, perhaps relying on the old 14 days rule or on OPKs or on when apps tell them to, and have just been concentrating on having sex at the wrong times. When they 'relaxed' and had sex at different times to usual, they actually had sex at the right time.

But most people who have long-term infertility and especially those who are undergoing fertility treatment are well versed in when they are ovulating and how to track it.

[Chewedupcucumber]

What’s your BMI?
You need a certain amount of body fat to get pregnant, otherwise your body thinks it’s starving. So your BMI can be within the normal range because of all the muscle, but if you don’t have enough fat you’ll struggle.

I have a friend who was super super fit, she really struggled to get pregnant, but got her BFP after she (very resentfully) ate a high calorie diet to increase her BMI.

[MsJinglyJones]

I'm going to post what I did just in case it helps, though I realise it may sound like nonsense and/or you may have tried it. Apologies if so.

I read some article in a magazine saying avoid peas and pulses. Sounds odd as obviously they are healthy foods, but I cut them out just to give it a go.

And I went to a reflexologist after someone recommended that. Now I am the least alternative medicine type going and I'm very sciency, but I was getting desperate, 39 and thought what the hell. I told myself it would be good for me to have a relaxing foot massage once a week, whatever.

A few months later I got pg and my reflexologist knew I was too. (Not sure how maybe she just guessed but she seemed very sure.)

[NotTheFordType]

@LRDtheFeministDragon

Oh well in those days they probably just said it was because the infertile woman (always the woman, never the man!) was secretly a witch. BURN HER!

[Sprogletsmuvva]

Agree that Conception/ Infertility would probably be a more productive board to go on.

One thing I would say is that it is possible to have more than one fertility issue going on at once. The NHS (and indeed some other fertility clinics) aren’t very good at recognising this. They may be seeing everything through the prism of your PCOS. But women with PCOS still have eg tube problems, thrombophilia, and all the other things non-PCOS women get.

The bad news is that you may need to go private to get the gamut of tests to find what the problem (s) is and it may obviously still take some time. Having done them, I’m not sure how it works with ‘dipping ‘ back in for things the NHS treats, but bear in mind there are some things the NHS doesn’t recognise so won’t treat.

The good news is mainly your age. While you’ obviously be getting tests of ovarian reserve done as part of the process, this is likely to be still good (and the scientific literature I’ve read points to PCOS women generally having good reserve for age. So while you may feel time dragging, at least you shouldn’t have to worry about your fertility declining in the meantime.
The other positive (though it may not feel that way) is that your history points to something definitely being wrong (young healthy couple, regular sex, ovulation but few pregnancies, that then end in MC). This means when you do get to meet a specialist, this should get you taken seriously compared with, say, someone who was 25kg overweight or rarely having sex.

[JustVent]

OP you’re staying very calm on this thread. I don’t think I would with patronising (fine, trying to be helpful but aren’t) ‘suggestions’ such as “stop stressing”

And “don’t get up to quickly after sex”

Or “is your husband the issue.”

In three years, operations, clomid, tests and money spent you’d think people would have the good sense to know that not only have you tried and tested these things but you do so religiously.

[BertieBotts]

There are some really supportive threads on the conception and infertility boards for anyone who's finding it's taking longer to conceive. Sorry you're stuck in this limbo because it's shit, all of the keeping your life on hold in case you get pregnant and then nothing.

I'm sure you've probably already tried but I know some of the ladies on the threads I mentioned found the book "It starts with the egg" to be good, as it lists all of the evidence based ways we know about to improve egg quality. Might just be something else to throw at it along with the Clomid, timing, etc.

It's not stress and it's not going to the toilet. You're doing everything you're supposed to be doing, and more.

[Goinginsane000]

Thanks everyone - I’ll try and reply to some of the posts which have been very useful. Husband is badgering me to hurry up because we’re off out I’m a sec.

Honeylulu - thank you for your thorough post. Immune issues is something I’ve recently been interested in but haven’t done nearly enough research.
Do these issues present any symptoms? I have a very good immune system in so far as I am never ever I’ll, and heal v v quickly. May be naive in thinking there is a connection as it’s quite a jump, I know.

Dunder - I’m so sorry. Thank you for your kind words.

Look forward to catching up on this thread later on. Thank you for all the contributions.

Also - regard to diet and exercise. I eat tonnes of green veg, leaves etc and yesterday’s example was a day I had more protein than anything because I fancied all the things I had at each mealtime. I worked from home yesterday and sat on my arse all day so didn’t have an enormous appetite.
Re: exercise..I run 6 miles on treadmill twice a week finishing with light weights. Once a week I do yoga and sometimes I swim for 45 mins. Never do more than 4 days of exercise a week.
Regards to carbs: I eat whole grain bread about 3 times a week as well as good carbs. I am not obsessive with diet at all.

[KneesupGaston]

Sorry for your troubles OP. I take it you've had your thyroid tested and checked for diabetes? I really hope IVF works for you