Can't deal with arguments

[Sparklfairy]

NC for this as don't want it linked to my other threads. DP and I had a disagreement the other night, mainly about his commitment issues. He's very lovey when it's just us, but around friends tends to 'play down' our relationship. This doesn't usually bother me hugely (I'm not a gushy relationship person either) but this particular conversation with a friend that he relayed to me hurt.

Anyway, I told him that it hurt me and it escalated pretty quickly. He told me to fuck off so I went to bed; he slept on the sofa that night. The next day I had calmed down and figured it was best to agree to disagree. We had both said our piece and he couldn't take back what he said, so I was happy to let it go. Instead I got the silence the treatment all morning, and even though I went round to his after work to try to make amends, he was still sulking. I decided to leave and effectively he's broken up with me via text last night after a year together

I don't really know why I'm posting. I just hate the blocking/radio silence today over something so minor. We had a lovely day planned for today which is now not happening which I guess makes it worse. If he wants to split then that's OK I suppose but to put the blame on me for 'starting' a row seems unfair. Just be honest - you were just waiting for an excuse to end it and then dumped me via text! Argh

I was in a relationship like this for 4 years (that I will never get back).

When I ended it because I realised it was going nowhere and it was mentally abusive he cried and asked me to marry him and used to sit outside my house at night in his car —hopefully crying—.

He liked having the upper hand and me lapping up every tiny morsal he gave me.

Walk away.

It's horrible isn't it. If he's just letting me stew with a view to staying together then that's just cruel. If he actually wants to split then doing it via text when we could have spoken in person like adults just 30 mins before then that's also horrible.I just hate arguing. I'd rather just talk and know where I stand. The silent treatment does not favours to my anxiety!

Don’t worry about what he wants worry about what YOU want.

Take charge and don’t be a sitting duck.

Mrs Dylan Blue is right- take charge, don’t let a sulky boy control your life! Skip away whilst flipping him the bird

Maybe he's always considered it a temporary short term relationship and your behaviour confirmed to him you're more serious. To be honest it might be a lucky escape on your part if he's like this

I know you're both right. I haven't tried to get in touch with him today. It's just a shock and a shame that one minute we're fine and the next he's dumping me over something seemingly minor. Deep down I know it's obvious he wants to split for other reasons and just using this as an excuse. I guess I'm still upset and in shock. I won't contact him though.

That's crossed my mind too busybarbara but he's very good at mixed signals. Talked about the future and even said he was 'addicted' to me last week. Yet in front of other people when talking about the future he's pretty flaky and non committal.

Honestly, if he doesn't want to acknowledge your relationship to his friends, You are worth more and he is an idiot. His head wasn't in the same place and he's used a silly row as the excuse.

His problem and you'll find someone lovely who really appreciates you.

Be wary of those that blow hot and cold, he might be planning to make up with you. If you took him back it would then set a precedent, as you'd be accepting that you are not allowed to complain about his treatment of you and he'd establish control. Sorry if that sounds melodramatic but the promises, sulking and inconsistency are all red flags.

He's not worth taking back. Onwards and upwards.

Slowtrain2dawn my thoughts exactly. I should be able to voice my opinions without being punished.

I think its hard in your position as that ending doesn’t have much closure to it- I think the main comfort is to constantly remind yourself of how much future heartache/frustration you’ve saved yourself by walking away.

If he's flakey around other people then I'm afraid he's just not into you by the sounds of it. It's almost like he's looking for something better to come along.

Let it go. Send him text agreeing and wishing him all the luck in the future. And walk away

As Allthwlewaves said.

I would certainly send a last message cutting your ties with him. I agree with your feelings that he has used this argument as an excuse to split up.

Onwards and upwards. You don't need him

Then BLOCK

I've done exactly as suggested. Taken vac6k control, sent a message and blocked. Doesn't stop it hurting or me feeling like I've wasted a year! I'm such a black and white person, I'll never understand dishonest flakes.

Taken back obviously, not vac6k!

My typos too

Apologies Allthewaves

At least it's only a year and not a lifetime!

OP he sounds immature and a bit of a timewaster tbh. At least you weren't further down the line. Well done taking back control. Hope u move on soon.