Online relationship

[worriedbetsy]

Name Change in place!

A good friend of mine who I have know for over 20 years has a son.

He's been disaffected from education and work for the past few years, struggled with mental health and self esteem from what I understand, has limited friendships and smokes the occasional bit of weed. Spends a fair time gaming.
Early 20's as is my eldest.

Anyway, he met a girl online a year ago and they chat regularly, she is 18. Girl lives in the Philippines. They claim to be in love.
He is going to visit her on Wednesday, his fathers family have paid for him to do so, (father and mum split when he was a baby and he has loose disconnected relationship with his dad).
They intend on staying in an air b&b for 3 weeks as her parents won't allow him to stay.
Furthest he's travelled alone is to Scotland by coach and he's not very worldly wise.

Have I been unreasonable to lay on the pressure with good friend as to state the obvious dangers and risks?
She doesn't want him to go either.

AIBU to contact him to tell him he's being a fool?

Its thai bride fishing. He will be one of several of her 'boyfriends'. They get pregnant then tell all of them they're the father and have to send money. 2 or 3 out of say 7 'boyfriends' will do so from guilt. When they go over to visit their 'son/daughter' the child will be conviniently living with her parents.

And how is telling him he’s a fool going to make a difference?

As awful as it is, he's an adult and has to make his own mistakes. Even with MH problems, from what you say he still sounds capable of making his own choices. There's a chance she may be exactly who she says she is, even though I personally think it's pretty unlikely.

But if she interferes, she'll probably just push him further away. I think she needs to be accepting of his choice, though make sure she knows where he's staying.

All your friend can do is support him as best she can, and give him an out if he needs one. Part of being a parent is trusting that we've raised our kids to be sensible enough to make good choices.