To wonder where DCs politeness and behaviour comes from?

[LovelyBath77]

Not boastful, but can't mention to mums in RL (did once and said sounded 'smug') but although they were a handful at times when toddlers, now as older children they (two boys) seemed to have turned into saints.

They always say please and thank you, ask to leave the table and hug me before they go out, ask me how I am and how my day has been, etc. It is just like living with adults really. But they are 9 and 13.

Is it simply that they are getting older / developing empathy? I can't remember ever telling them to do these things. Is it their schools (seem to have good discipline) or peer group?

Honestly, not trying to boast but wondering where does it come from?

My upbringing was not great - little boundaries and basically left to run wild (mum with MH problems) but I guess she was a teacher, as well. So not sure about how that affected me, have always tried to make it different for mine though anyway. I have learned children need attention, anyway. Not just left to fend for themselves.

Actually thinking about it, I do always say please and thank you to them in conversation, for example and I guess they just pick up on that and do the same. So maybe it does come from me and DH..

Yes I think it being modelled and being expected.

When I take DNs out, my DSis insists they thank me several times, if I drive, buy them a treat, after we get back to hers and again when I leave (e.g. if I've stopped in for a cup of tea with the adults and they've gone upstairs to play, she'll call them down again)

Sometimes I've been a bit like, "it's all right. They don't have to keep saying thank you!" But now there a bit older, they are lovely polite children who are always well mannered without prompts.

I took 10year old DN and friend swimming a while ago and I noticed that DN said thank you and his friend didn't.

I remember as a child I never thanked my (single) mum for cooking meals until her partner moved in and he started doing it. I had never heard it modelled before as she was only adult in the house. (I started thanking her after that!)

Be pleased they are happy pleasant to be around kids you and your husband are doing a great job ☺

Just reminded me of this poem a little bit.

Children Learn What They Live
by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

My kids have always been polite- commented on my teachers, parents etc. Always say please and thank you, thankyou for letting me stay, thankyou for bringing me home. Tell me they love me several times a day along with hugs, and texts. When on the headset talking on Xbox if I take in a drink will say thanks mum I love you. None of their friends blink at it as they all do the same.

But they do it because as parents we've always modelled that behaviour. So they know no different. Although they do point out some people's lack of manners now.

But I don't think it's anything to be boastful about, everyone I know models this behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️