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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Existential crisis

18 replies

Sammy900 · 15/06/2018 23:41

Hello - I have worked for 18 years so far, I'm a family of 4 -me and my other half and two young girls
....apparently I have 29 years left before I qualify for retirement thats at age 67 - I'm 38 at the moment. I live in a 3 bed ex council house, this was all we could afford to get on the housing market, it is a good enough house and has an amazing garden :) we are happy here don't get me wrong - BUT is this it?....
I dreamed of at least some land to be free - that was a childish dream
I have a 36 year mortgage and a birds eye view of working for what?, am I going to miss out on my girls as they grow up without me being there, working to pay off a mortgage?
Sometimes, like now I wonder if I should start thinking of private business ideas, or if I should just jack it all in......

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Original poster
Sammy900 · 15/06/2018 23:45

work I mean

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Elspeth12345 · 15/06/2018 23:48

Things can change a bit if you want them too. Is there a course you'd like to take or a different job you'd like?

Elspeth12345 · 15/06/2018 23:48

* 'If you want them to', not 'if you want them too'.

DownUdderer · 15/06/2018 23:49

Can you rent your house out to cover the mortgage?

elephantoverthehill · 15/06/2018 23:53

It is not called the 'property ladder' for nothing. Can you sell for more than you bought it for? Are you now earning more? Move on to where you want to be.

busybarbara · 15/06/2018 23:57

as they grow up without me being there, working to pay off a mortgage

Surely they'll mostly be at school anyway while you're working, you've got evenings and weekends right?

But yeah welcome to normal life for the majority. It'll only get better if you make changes.

Ariela · 16/06/2018 00:08

I started out in a 3 bed ex council semi, and moved a few times, many different jobs, better salaries and now in a detached in a completely different area.
We're either going to extend or move somewhere else in the country - just waiting for daughter to leave home!

Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:08

I feel guilty for working, I work 4 days a week and my little ones are 2 and 5 at the moment - I'm not at home enough. I do fit in extra classes for them around work but its not US time really, I'm tired all the time. The thing is I do actually love my job....my career has been built up for years. I'm just thinking about the future and I hope I dont regret all the time I spent at work and not with my girls..... - with the added un-bonus of not even being in a house I love. Has anyone out there regretted working and mortgage paying?

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Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:10

Thanks Ariela - hopefully we will do the same....I'm just having a moment right now

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Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:18

We will hopefully sell and move up the ladder in the future. I'm just having a crazy moment wondering what the hell it is all about

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Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:33

My O/H would quite happily sell up and use the money to buy some land whilst we live in a caravan and build our home - he is a romanticist, there's no way we could afford that

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Ssssurvey · 16/06/2018 00:34

I'm afraid it's simply the reality of life. I was in a run-down semi in a half decent area and determined to be a sahm. I went into university on a full time course when she was young and also worked part-time. Although I gained a good degree I wasn't able to work extended hours so ended up going back to what I had done (more or less) pre-degree. I did get a very local job but my qualifications don't mean anything. My house is no longer run down but I work with people without qualifications or sahm ambitions but who have had continuous work and they have moved on, it's all extensions and moves etc. I am nowhere near that mindset xx

busybarbara · 16/06/2018 00:38

I mean this in the nicest possible way but maybe you could have more quickly lived "the dream" without kids but.. I'm hoping having kids was an even more important dream to you and that they are so previous to you that they light up your life and bring you a lot of satisfaction. This can be very hard to recognise when they are as young as they are but it will probably hit you eventually as it does most parents.

busybarbara · 16/06/2018 00:39

Precious, even!

Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:42

I am very lucky to have my precious little family and a job I love. I know that....but 29 more years of working 4 days a week mainly for a mortgage for a bank for a small house that we can't fit in - I'm uncomfortable with that bit

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Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:46

If only there was a transportation machine that could place us nicely in a mansion - something like that would be great :D .....it's hard isn't it - I wish I didn't even look at my pension forecast today meh

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Ssssurvey · 16/06/2018 00:48

A 36 year mortgage is harsh by any standards, now you have been paying for a while is it possible to reduce the term and therefore the interest?

Original poster
Sammy900 · 16/06/2018 00:49

and then I've got my fantasist / hippy O/H saying - just leave your job and lets build a cabin in the wilderness

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