My closest friend suffers from depression, and has done for about three years. She takes medication and is seeing a counsellor. For a while there it seemed like she was improving, but recently she has really been struggling. I know it's not her fault, and I want to be there for her, and I would do anything I could to help her. I know it's just the symptoms of the illness she suffers from, and I know it's me relying on her too much. But it's still hard.
Before, even when she was having a hard time, she would message me to tell me so, and I would listen and she would talk about how she was feeling or what she was up to. And I cared, and even though I hated that she was suffering, it made me feel like I was needed. Like I could do something, in some small way, to help. I have, in the past, helped her practically, by taking her to her appointments or just going out of my way to help her get what she needed. And she would listen to me talk about my day or sometimes how I was feeling too.
Now I rarely hear from her, and I message her but don't get a reply for several days. I know it's because she's struggling, and I care, and I don't want her to know that it bothers me. I know she can't manage anything more, and I understand that, but deep down, selfishly, (and also for her sake!) I still wish that she could. I don't really have many friends and I get so lonely (which I'm not blaming her for in any way, I just have a tendency towards loneliness in general) and I don't know if I can do this forever. I feel like I'm putting so much more into our friendship than I'm getting, which isn't my friend's fault, but I just feel like I'm running on empty. I don't know how to fix it, or how to cope. I don't have anyone to talk to about how I'm feeling and I can't do it indefinitely. I know that I'm being unreasonable but I don't know how to stop feeling like this.