DH not brushing teeth

[annebolinski]

DH went away for the night last weekend. He's just brought the bag he took with him inside from the car. As I moved it I noticed his toothbrush was in the bag. He doesn't have a spare in the bathroom. His only toothbrush has been in a bag in his car all week. That means he hasn't brushed his teeth since at least Monday morning. (There is no way he would use my toothbrush).

I feel sick. His personal hygiene is not the best but I just think this is disgusting. Do I bring it up with him and what do I say!? I don't think I can keep quiet about it 🤢

Have you been married long?

I'd absolutely tell mine he was a minger but I'd absolutely be expecting him to reveal a secret toothbrush because he's not grim.

So yeah, he's gross, but also, how can you be married and not be able to just ask him where his toothbrush is?!?!

I think I would say something! You could say it in a jokey way, how he must have had a carriage to himself last week with the camel breath he would have had. But on a more serious note, poor dental hygiene doesn't just lead to toothache and fillings. It is also associated with increased risk of cardiovascular disease, rheumatoid arthritis and dementia.

My DH stops brushing his teeth when his depression is starting up again. But at least he does have a tooth brush in the bathroom

Oh no. Without asking for too many details obviously, have you kissed him or been intimate in any way with him since he came back? Surely his breath must have been noticeably foul? Even if you haven’t really been physical you must have noticed?

I think you need to talk to him as it will completely kill your attraction to him over time if he keeps showing such lack of self-care. Better to speak up now than to end up breaking up over something so easily fixable.

Can you say something like: “when you don’t take care of yourself it makes me feel like you don’t care about being attractive to me.”???

And yes as said above, could he be depressed?

Can you say something like: “when you don’t take care of yourself it makes me feel like you don’t care about being attractive to me.”???

That's a bit self centered. As always, role reversal - man tells woman she needs to do xyz or he feels like she's not trying to be attractive for him? You'd all be up in arms!

Ask him if he's okay and just mention that not brushing his teeth is a bit grim to you.

mrsfrizzle I used that wording as I thought it was softer than just outright stating he was making himself disgusting! But in this case maybe he does just need to be given it straight.

Buy another toothbrush

We haven't been intimate but I have noticed in bed that I didn't want him breathing on me.

I do think he may be depressed. I always feel like I can't bring up his hygiene without fear of upsetting him, but it's really affecting my attraction to him. Not sure what to do now.

It's hard, the first time I noticed it, I admit it took me several weeks to summon the courage to mention something. I phrased it it terms of "I'm worried about you not taking care of yourself and I've been wondering if you have stopped caring about yourself so much"

Thank you, @PeterPiperPickedSeaShells that's helpful

I'd be very concerned for several reasons, and I'd absolutely tell him so. I'd also say he needed to make an appointment with both a dentist and a doctor (for the depression), and do it for him if need be. I personally don't feel these things can/should be tiptoed around, as they're extremely important to physical and mental health. When you love someone, their safety and well-being is more important than them being upset by any interference.

Ugh!

@annebolinski , just wondered what the outcome of this was (if you don’t mind). Having similar concerns about my OH.