AIBU to think he should make a bit of effort?

[awkwardballoon]

On a break from DP after constant arguments (no infidelity, no abuse, I needed some space as I was feeling smothered and taken for granted) Haven't seen him for a week now, he's tried calling, all week - sending me sentimental texts blah blah. Ive asked him to stop texting me, as it wasn't helping (I wanted to miss him, and I didn't) I still don't feel like anything has changed. He's not exactly going out of his way by sending a couple of texts to tell me he misses me. Or AIBU? He said a couple of days ago he'd like to see me tomorrow, I just know he literately means 'see' me - nothing special planned, he'll expect me to come up with some ideas. Think I might be busy tomorrow now. Or AIBU?

I've read your post twice and I'm confused. You say that he's tried calling and sending sentimental texts but then you go on to say that he's not exactly going out of his way to tell you he misses you. Which is it?

Sorry- Yes he has sent texts, he uses texts a lot, but I just think a text is a bit of a cop out, a bit lazy. Not really much of a romantic gesture I guess.

You’ve split up with him because you were feeling smothered and are now moaning there’s no grand romantic gesture?

I don’t think you can have it every which way.

What do you want? Space or romantic gestures trying to get you back?

Your OP seems quite contradictory.

I think you're being unreasonable. It sounds kind of like he can't win.

You don't miss him, he smothers you, you aregue constantly and he is passive and expects you to do the thinking.

Get out before you get entangled with kids and marriage.

You're hard work Op …. perhaps he's enjoying the peace?

Do you want him to give you space or be all over you? You can’t have both. Are you 16?

You wanted space, so he gave you space and now youre saying he isn’t making an effort?

I get it. Smothered by it all because the constantness of it all but no actual romance. I have no advice to offer beyond "have you told him what you want?" Which feels a little patronising cos I'm guessing you did this before you called pause.
Good luck getting him to listen.

Your OP is full of contradictions, maybe he feels that he can't win?

Right ok... I don't know what is going on in my head at the moment. Don't know what I want, I want him to show me our relationship is important, but I just felt texting just seems a bit feeble (tbf he never really does grand gestures just soppy words) . Anyway, putting in down in writing has helped me see I'm being a bit of a dick. Thank you giving myself a

Do you think he feels taken for granted? Have you done anything romantic for him before?

Grand gestures are overrated. Kindness, generosity (of spirit and money) and character are far more important.

Think about who he is - do you want to be with him?

Some people prefer text communication. I do. Romance isn't about grand gestures. It's the every day loving and caring for the person.

It sounds like you’re not very compatible.

Some people love soppy words and would consider that to be romantic.

You clearly don’t though.

Set him free to find a better match.

WhyArePiratesCalledPirates
Good luck getting him to listen.

I'm not convinced that the OP knows what she wants.

Yes shumpa exactly- I don't want to do all the thinking, which I do for everything! I would just be nice if he turned up and said 'come on' let's go for a drink or a film or dinner. But I have to come up with the ideas all the time.
I'm not after Flowers chocolates and poems, and yes whilst I've maybe not have been textbook romantic either I have been kind and generous and caring beyond belief towards him. It got taken for granted, I felt.

But I thought you were on a break! Why would he turn up and take you for dinner

OP I think you want space so he realises how much he misses you, and all that he does for you, but also you as a person and not his cook and cleaner -

You want him to romance you and make you feel wanted, which he's failing to do!

He's not getting it.

I don't know taco 😂 I guess I still want him to just do something but not another flipping text saying 'I miss you x'

greentulips Yes! Exactly that! AIBU?

Figure out what you want and tell him OP.

I get what the op means. I know someone who had a similar relationship. He never suggested going anywhere, usually her idea to do things, but when someone else would ask her to do something, (offering to book tickets etc so she didn't have to do all the thinking), he would text and text and text. Mostly random or mundane stuff. And he would huff when she didn't tb. I don't recall her ever mentioning him doing anything romantic, wanted to be together all the time, but just to sit and watch tv. Do you find him quite boring on some level?

I take it you don't live together? I think even if you did it would be the same. Constant messages usually become overwhelming and suffocating, no matter who they're from. And when the only way to stop it is it to go and sit with someone you find boring, it's maybe time to end the relationship.

Well I've just found a well thought out mix-tape (well cd) together with a handwritten letter through my door......now that's what I'm talking about! 😃