Or maybe I am just a massive weirdo?

[Lightningbolt82]

At work I :listen to my colleagues ; show I'm interested in the dileriously boring shyte they talk about by asking questions and indulging them; am kind to others (even when they are being an arse) and generally make a huge effort to fit in.
With other parents I meet I : ask about their kids; talk about boring bollocks in order to get to know them and generally try to be pleasant.
SO WHY DOES NOBODY RECIPROCATE?
I just don't get it. I'm wondering if it's the area as I used to have so many nice friends and acquaintances in my last area 4 years ago. Or have people changed into boring, self-absorbed wankers? OR......or..... Is there something wrong with me? I feel like I matter to nobody. In a bad way people!!

I get this too. Yanbu. Or maybe it's just us...

Or maybe they can tell you're being patronising and insincere?

Omg! I get this all the time. Maybe it’s just that we are good listeners? Or that we don’t want to bore other people with our stuff? Or maybe we were always taught to ask about others and the other people we meet/work with were not brought up the same?

I doubt it RoseanneBarred - you see I'm not being patronising and insincere..... I'm just feeling a bit ignored. Your comment does not help my current feeling of worthlessness.

I hear you. There are definitely very subtle cultural differences across the UK. Where I live now is seriously deprived of a sense of humour.

Tbf people can probably sense that you're not completely sincere but I do sympathise. It can be hard to get yourself back into social mode when you've characterised a set of people in a certain way. It's almost like your challenging everyone to prove you wrong.

Take a break from it all, by which I mean drop any expectation of people living/not living up to whatever you've pictured.

It's tough but hopefully that'll allow that person you may 'click' with to get through.

I have noticed this too OP. Other than 3 of my close friends who actually are interested in my life, I notice that most people are very happy to talk solely about themselves. They will even talk over you to do it.

dileriously boring shyte they talk about

indulging them; ... (even when they are being an arse)
With other parents I meet I ... talk about boring bollocks in order to get to know them

Op, I disagree with you. Talk about something you are interested in instead of subjects you are on just to make conversation.

RoseanneBarred

Or maybe they can tell you're being patronising and insincere?

That is a stupid thing to say. The OP is talking about making small talk because it’s what nice people do. The people she expects to reciprocate don’t. Why? Because they are boring dullards with no manners.

Thanks for sticking up for me RoseWhiteTips ! I need help right now..... Not being put down!

I can almost guarantee they know you think what interests them is ‘deliriously boring shyte’
Why would they reciprocate if you think you’re so amazingly better than them?

RoseanneBarred sounds like her namesake, I'd safely ignore.

I'd ask a question or two and then see if they reciprocate. If they don't, don't waste anymore time on them.

They may surprise you and come after you.

I have found that most new people I meet are sort of similar to this, they just want to talk about themselves and then dont listen when you reciprocate with yoir own anecdotes.

Last week one person asked what my degree is in. I said 'oh its xyz, I love certain bi......'
'I have a degree in abc as well I used to work blah blah'

Not only did she not let me finish she didn't even listen to me and just heard her own degree (completely different).

That's just one example but I've found most people similar.

Firstly, while I empathise a bit with you and feel for you OP, I do agree that you don't sound very nice in terms of the way you r describing your colleagues. If I was your colleague and thought you thought I was talking 'deliriously boring shite' and that you were just 'indulging me', I'd give you a really wide berth.

Maybe start to show a genuine interest in your colleagues, find out hat they are really like and what their strengths are. Maybe you'll start to connect better, and then maybe they will warm to you more and start to show an interest back.

18875hulu - sounds like at least you got a step further than me by actually being asked what your degree was in! What did you do next? Did you politely listen to her abruption? That's what I know I would end up doing as well as dutifully showing an interest!

RoseanneBarred sounds like her namesake, I'd safely ignore

Thanks Shumpalumpa, are you like your name?

I politely listened because I was a bit taken aback, but after that I gave her a wide berth because it was honestly like whatever you said went into a black hole and when it resurfaced it had somehow been warped to be about her.

Its difficult to get good actual conversations going when it's just small talk. People are only likely to chit chat about what they watched last on tv and if it bores the socks off you its hard to continue the conversation to go anywhere meaningful.

The stuff that really get people going is unlikey to surface in small talk, so all I could say to help you is really get to know them, although it will take a while.

Then if they still do not reciprocate interest they are just narcissistic twats

It might be the area. I moved to a middle class area and it is mostly humourless self-absorbed small talk that goes on. It's not just a response to me, they do it in groups where they know each other well. It took me ages to find people I could have a proper conversation and a laugh with. I find people who have not had such an easy life much nicer and more interesting in general.
Once you have worked out the person is a self absorbed wanker stop wasting your energy on them.

Roseanne has got a point though... the way you've described it OP sounds like you're humouring people and making all the right noises but are not genuinely interested... Maybe it's coming across as disingenuous and a bit forced?

Fgs, everyone who is normal does small talk. It makes people feel at ease. They also know it involves two way CONVERSATION. What you do not expect when talking about the weather, for example, is a monologue from a self-centred bore.

Interrogated? Huh?😳

I don’t play ball with them.

Because the majority of people only want to talk about themselves? They aren't self aware enough to even bother to pretend to be interested in anyone else?

Findthegap it seems like people eg at work want to talk to me..... Sometimes they might come to my room etc for a chat or sit with me at lunch. But the problem for me is that I help people through problems etc feel like I help out and stuff but perhaps sometimes I need a shoulder...... Then where is it? This is what I'm trying to get at. I feel a bit down at the moment. I invest a lot of emotion in people and when I need it back there seems to be a lack off actual interaction.

I know what you mean and it's horrible. You start to feel used in that situation. All you can do really is discount any of them as friends and keep trying to meet new people. It's very tough though.