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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to send out a message to my ex boyfriend friends saying all the things hes put me through?

55 replies

user1499536174 · 15/06/2018 17:37

This is the message I was so close to sending to his friends but thought it might be unreasonable so asking for second opinions.

Call me Alex fucking Forrest but I'm done.
Whats driven me to this? And also who am I? I'm Blank Blanks ex girlfriend, and now, the mother of his soon to be child.
About 22 weeks ago, blank blank got me pregnant. I was about 6 weeks when I found out and told him the same day. Lets just say it was all tits up from there. I'm now banned from his house (at his mothers request) because I choose to keep our daughter. And I was also told I trapped him as well and being told this was my own mess and not his. They seem to think me choosing to keep her makes him a victim , because even though its 2018, apparently that outdated view is still alive and well. The women is always to blame isn't she.
He told me he wouldn't support me or our daughter ( a decision his mother told me she would happily support by the way ) and that he wouldn't love her when shes born.
He did some what of a 360 and hovers in and out whenever he pleases, saying he will be there but acting in a way that proves otherwise.
Instead of coming to appointments with me he sits and gets high, or is out drinking with friends. So the next time your with him at the pub, think about who he has left 50 miles away wondering if her daughters is going to have a dad. He pays for nothing, and is happy to let my 70 year old pensioner nan pay for things instead. Oh my god the absoulte shite I've put up with for all these weeks have been beyond the beyond.
I've been told that I trapped him, that I got pregnant on purpose, that I lied about being pregnant, that hes not the dad and he wants a paternity test, that I got pregnant because I'm obsessed with him and want to keep him in my life, that he broke up with me and not vise fucking versa, oh and lets not forget when he admitted that he tried to manipulate me into getting an abortion, saying and I quote "I thought that if you thought I wasn't going to be there then you'd get rid of it". Outstanding.

He hasn't told any of his friends except for 2, (who seemed to think I was making the whole thing up so I dont know what he said to them) and anyone outside his mother and sister.
Still hasn't told his grandparents. I have her in 3 months and his behaviour is abominable, says he wants to be there but shows up for nothing, pays for nothing, doesn't understand what hes done wrong. Even when something went wrong at my 20 week scan he showed no interest and showed no interest when I told him she was going to be a month early by C - Section.

I know I sound like Alex from fatal attraction, a complete physco, but I just hate that he swans around doing whatever he wants with his friends, who have no idea I'm pregnant or how he's treated me, leaving me alone not knowing if hes going to be a dad to our daughter or not.

OP posts:
Guacamoledip · 15/06/2018 18:07

Don’t send that, you will look ridiculous.
Hormones won’t be helping, you need to calm down. My sons dad did a lot worse things to me when I was pregnant and he’s never been there, you rise above it. You take pride in being a good parent and doing your best. If the bloke is an arsehole then why are you so desperate for him to be in your child’s life anyway? And his friends are still going to take his side anyway

themightycrayon · 15/06/2018 20:35

He sounds like a waste of space, but I wouldn't send it. What have his friends got to do with it? They aren't his mother (who actually supports the loser), and they can't make him do anything anyway. He'd just twist your words, and anyway you don't need the drama/stress right now.

Focus on yourself, your new baby and your own friends and family as support. Don't let this idiot or his circle make this about them any more than they already have. Flowers

elleshiner · 29/10/2018 12:44

Did you ever get a paternity test for this?

SassitudeandSparkle · 29/10/2018 12:47

Don't send it, you will make yourself look absolutely ridiculous and they won't think any worse of him.

ImNotReallyAWaitress · 29/10/2018 12:57

If you send that to his friends he will just paint you out to be the bad guy, don’t play into it.

All you can do is focus on being the best parent you can be for your daughter. If he’s getting high at antenatal appointments he doesn’t really sound like someone that should be around a child anyway.

puzzledlady · 29/10/2018 13:01

That’ll make you look like your insane, bitter and unstable, why play into his hands?

SushiMonster · 29/10/2018 13:03

Do. Not. Do. It.

MrsJane · 29/10/2018 13:13

Definitely definitely definitely do not sent it! You would regret it.

I know you're angry, and have every right to be, but it's between you and him, not the friends.

SuperSange · 29/10/2018 13:15

Christ, don't send that. Have some dignity. Nobody will care.

Skyejuly · 29/10/2018 13:16

Do not send it.

it won't mean anything to them at all so you won't achieve anything.

Djnoun · 29/10/2018 13:17

Zombie thread!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/10/2018 13:18

Check the date, people. This is an older thread, resurrected by a poster wondering how OP got on.

Baby must have been born by now... How are you doing, OP?

longwayoff · 29/10/2018 13:21

No no no this wont achieve what you want and will gain you a reputation as a bitter psycho, at best. Men aren't women, they wont see you through your eyes and will slap him on the back telling him he's well out of it. Really. Don't.

TheOneWith · 29/10/2018 13:21

Don’t send it.

It sounds like he was clear with you from the start that he was not interested in having a baby with you.

Stop contacting him, stop asking for money, stop inviting him to scans and stop giving updates. Stop expecting anything from him.

Have your baby, claim via the CMS, and get on with your life.

MrsNacho · 29/10/2018 13:22

Please don't send that, you will only feel worse when you get a negative response.

Try to move on and and build your life without him. You and your child are better off without him.

Caprisunorange · 29/10/2018 13:25

This is nothing to do with his friends, why would you message them? It’s an awful situation but you need to grow up a bit. Get on with preparing for life as a single parent

Emilizz34 · 29/10/2018 13:30

Don’t send that message as it will make you look pathetic . What redeeming features did this guy have that made you want to go out with and have a baby with him?
You and your baby would be better off without him as he sounds awful . I wish you all the best

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/10/2018 13:49

READ THE DATES - OP POSTED IN JUNE

Belina · 29/10/2018 16:19

Call me Alex fucking Forrest but I'm done.

so cheesy please erase that

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/10/2018 16:21

Even recalling an email won't work after 4 months!

Belina · 29/10/2018 16:26

this isnt a zombie thread its still fresh just slightly dusty

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/10/2018 16:31
Grin
DisrespectfulAdultFemale · 29/10/2018 16:31

Don't do it.

ShotsFired · 29/10/2018 16:33

Something I have been learning about recently, is whether a course of action will help me or harm me.

Will sending this make you better off? Will it improve your life? Will it have a positive impact on things?

Write it, by all means, get creative with even better insults. But then put it in a drawer and don't send it.

You won't get anything good out of it and all you will do is prolong your pain when that happens.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/10/2018 16:33

Grin Grin

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