To be so angry and upset for my DH

[arghhouch]

DH works for a charity. It's crap money and he does it because he likes it and likes working for a good cause.

He's been there about 2 years and works hard. He's kind, friendly and competent.

His line manager has sent an email about him to their manager this morning detailing his she is frustrated with him and that it would be better to ask the girl who works part time to do his job. His manager responded and accidentally sent it to the main inbox so he has seen it. apparently she even agrees in it.

I feel so devastated for him. He's really sensitive and not a confident person and it's taken ages to build up his self belief in himself and they have ruined it in one stupid email.

I asked him if it was a professional tone or gossipy and he said the latter for the first email but more professional in the response. He said he is just really hurt.

I am so so upset and angry for him.

Yanbu, that's really unprofessional.

That is so unprofessional, your poor DH. YANBU at all!

Really unprofessional. I think he needs to take it to HR

Make sure he emails a copy to his personal email for evidence. I sense Constructive Dismissal claim arising as well as a grievance complaint against the company. Charity or not, it is still a company who is clearly not working in the interests of its employees and I doubt the actually charity cause itself. Protect yourself.

That must be so upsetting for your DH and it’s a terrible way to find out, but realistically is there merit to what they’ve said? And has he worked there over two years or under?

Ok positive spin (although horrible for your dp )he now has a no frills account of what his line manager thinks of him. You describe him as competent but it sounds as if she sees things differently. He could take this as a golden opportunity to turn things around.

Does he feel there is truth in the allegations. It is unprofessional yes but can he take the criticisms constructively and adjust his work or attitude accordingly. Are there other things he can do to increase self confidence? Hobbies etc?

He has saved a copy of the email.

I think you would have to win the gold medal in positive thinking to take it on the chin of what your manager thinks of you in an email like that, especially when it was written more like gossip.

I feel just awful for him. How can I try and make him feel better?

If there was any merit it would be unlikely to be significant as they were asking him to possibly take on a leader/trainer role a few months ago.

He does not think there is any merit in it. He was shocked and taken aback. I need to see the email to see if I think it's valid useful feedback, but apparently not.

He has hobbies and friends etc. He's just a naturally shy person that takes a lot to come out of his shell and believe in himself. He's a hard worker, intelligent and does not deserve that :-(

Does he have written evidence of them asking him to take on a trainer / leader role? He needs to save that too.

Do they know he’s seen it, out of interest?

He has actually said he has an appraisal in 2 weeks (he has been there over 2 years) so May bring it up then. I wouldn't be able to wait that long if it were me but he is quite a calm person and does not like confrontation at all.

I don't know if they know he's seen it. I would have thought not or they may have spoke to him to cover themselves today. It happened this morning.

Oh dear, poor guy, he must be pretty upset, do they know he has seen the email. I would challenge the manager about it, say how unprofessional it is, why could they not have discussed any issues they may of had with him face to face then send a copy to h.r. and put in a formal complaint. If he wants to stay there I would ask for an apology, if he doesn't want to stay then get in touch with ACAS about constructive dismissal. Is he in a union.

Really do want some advice for him now :-( I've seen the email and it's awful. Just so hurtful and that he had to see it just makes me so sad for him.

It basically transpires that he didn't send an email.

He said it does not generally fall under his remit of people he liases with and because the office is so understaffed he did not prioritise it.

The managers response it is irritating that she can't swap "roles" between him and the girl who works there part time, because he is full time and it would be "tricky"

He has been there over 2 years. Has been given lots of additional responsibility outside of his original job title and role due to understaffing and budget.

His line manager has bad form. The previous admin girl left because she felt like she had bullied her!