DH and I are 28, 29 in the fall. We got married last summer and ever since have been asked constantly whether we are trying for a baby and told by DH’s family (not his mum, who is lovely) that we need to get a move on as time is running out. I’ve largely stopped visiting DH family because I’m sick of questions and pressure. For instance, the last time I visited my sister in law she said (in front of her sister, who I barely know) ‘but you’re trying at the moment right? I assumed you would try as soon as you were married’ Even aunties and uncles keep bringing it up!
In fact, we did start trying for a baby in January but haven’t told old anyone apart from my sister who won’t tell anyone. Since then I’ve found this constant questioning even more annoying and upsetting hence avoiding that side of the family all together. My opinion is, it’s noones business and it’s rude to ask. My family would NEVER ask something like this.
DHs family is very different to mine. FIrst, they are not that tactful. My SIL are 3-4 years younger than me and both had babies at 19/20. It’s the norm in their area (in which I also now live) to have babies at a young age, and most people, particularly women, do not have the types of ‘professional’ jobs that make this problematic. Both sil would prefer not to work (they have only ever worked 6-12 hours a week in retail) and one explicitly states that women belong in the home and should not go out to work. The other one told me when I was 23 that if I didn’t hurry up and have a baby soon it would be born disabled. WTF!?!
Due to postgraduate study and now working in a intensive, high pressure role it hasn’t been possible to try for a baby until now (indeed, even now it’s not ideal professionally, but we feel ready). This has never bothered me, as I enjoy my job and it’s important to me to have a career that stimulates and challenges me. Most people in my field don’t have a baby until their early to mid thirties, so actually I am starting quite early in comparison. Indeed most of my university and school friends don’t have children or are only now in the past year or 2 announcing pregnancies. So to me 28 doesn’t feel old at all! My parents had me at 28 and 3 more children afterwards!
However every time I visit DH’s family, mainly his SIL I feel like an old maid. It’s hard to say anything as I don’t want to tell anyone I’m ttc as its too much pressure, and asking them to stop mentioning it now is an obvious giveaway. Am I being overly sensitive? Are they being tactless? Is 28 really that old to start TTC? Are they just basing their judgement about pregnancy and age on those around them, and therefore I should just take it with a pinch of salt and ignore them?
I can tell this is going to really frustrate me as our TTC journey gets longer, and potentially more complicated.
Apologies for any typos, typing on mobile