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Original poster

To ask for your stories of how surprisingly easy you found the newborn stage?

56 replies

letsallhaveanap · 15/06/2018 13:09

Im due soon with my second.
My first was a very difficult labour and first few months. I had PND and found the whole experience very very hard.

Hes a lovely 3yo now and im very glad hes in our life.

Im now getting a bit worried im not going to cope very well with my daughter when shes born in the same way I did not cope very well with my son...

So id just like to hear some happy stories about straightforward first months! Did your baby sleep well from the outset? Were you immediately filled with love and joy upon seeing them? Did you feel euphoric?
Surely it sometimes has to go quite well?
Anyone found it very hard the first time but adapted much better the second time around?

OP posts:
jimijack · 15/06/2018 13:15

1st was awful, 2nd much better.
Obviously a new born so no sleep, but I found my groove quicker, feeding went well, routine established far smoother.
I felt better and more relaxed about every aspect that pretty much freaked me out with my 1st.
Pnd with number 1 didn't return with number 2 but I was geared up for it and ready to.recognize the symptoms as I knew what to look out for.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 15/06/2018 13:15

Honestly, I think the second time is way, way easier psychologically. You've already been through the massive shock of your first, you're less likely to have had a difficult or traumatic birth, and you have more sense of perspective about the whole thing. It's logistically more difficult if you also have a pre-schooler in tow, but the blessing in disguise of that is you have to accept that you have to triage sometimes, and you know the baby won't explode if you have to leave it to cry while you sort out the oldest.

My second wasn't any easier a baby than my first but I coped loads better.

BasinHaircut · 15/06/2018 13:15

I’m just plackemarking as like you I had a difficult time with my first, the first six months were horrendous with 5 days in NICU to start, followed by CMPA, reflux, asthma diagnosis, pneumonia with a hospital stay and all of the constant doctors/hospital appointments and the battles that go along with sorting all of that out when you are treated like an over bearing first time mother.

We are potentially planning a second now that DS is 5. Couldn’t have even contemplated it before now as it was awful.

Am hoping that second time around even if it was as bad at least we’d be prepared for it. But secretly hoping it would be a breeze in comparison.

villainousbroodmare · 15/06/2018 13:16

Second time here and have twins who are 3wo. Definitely easier (not easy but easier) and more fun.

KneesupGaston · 15/06/2018 13:17

The first month is alright because they just sleep all the time so there's that.

Goldenphoenix · 15/06/2018 13:18

My second was a totally crap sleeper compared to my first but mentally i found it so much easier - you know for definite that the crap bits definitely end and that helps loads. You will love all the new born cuddles and savour it more this time I'm sure, i know i did!

butterybollocks · 15/06/2018 13:18

I found my first really hard - like my life had been hit by a freight train. Really struggled with feeding, sleep deprivation and loss of identity.

But... My second is now 7 months and it's been lovely so far. I feel completely different and he's a completely different baby. He just eats, sleeps, plays with his toys and smiles at everybody. I'm not as anxious and I have the hindsight to know that they change so quickly, even if I'm having a tough day I know tomorrow will be different. My older one helps out and it's lovely to see their relationship forming.

I will say that I've given my own mental health more priority this time. I have made decisions about feeding which were based on keeping me sane, I go to groups for me (so a baby friendly fitness class), give myself a break when the baby naps etc, and the whole family is happier as a result.

Original poster
letsallhaveanap · 15/06/2018 13:20

thanks for all these! Flowers

Im a bit worried that my energy and time will now be split between two... and my toddler will not understand why I am so exhausted!

baisinhaircut I think you have a good chance of the second not being as hard as the first there! Sounds very frightening Flowers

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 15/06/2018 13:20

I found my first easy tbh, except the night sleep thing.

So 2nd was even easier, as I knew I wasn't getting any sleep/piss in peace/to watch a meal hot.

Best of luck Smile

Xiaoxiong · 15/06/2018 13:20

Second time SO much easier and so many of my friends have found the same. Routines established more quickly, baby seemed more laid back but I think it was because he had to learn to share my attention from day 1. It wasn't double the amount of work either - because I had an idea of what I was doing, I wasn't faffing about trying to figure everything out from scratch. I was so much more confident with eg. slinging the baby and going for a walk with the toddler, when with my first it was this enormous exhausting production just getting out of the house and so we were very isolated for periods of time.

I was worried about not loving my second as much as I adored my first but somehow it just expanded and I love them as much as each other! I wasn't immediately filled with love and joy with either of them but it came in time!

Sunrise888 · 15/06/2018 13:20

I got more sleep than I expected initially. We had to mix feed so lo stained a bottle of formula every night and slept for 5h straight. My poor NCT group were all waking every 2h or less.

All that changed at 3m though when bedtime became harder, lo started cosleeping and waking now frequently. 1 year on and I'm still missing those 5h sleeps!

MirandaWest · 15/06/2018 13:20

With my first it wasn’t great - lack of sleep and it was something completely new.

With my second I basically knew what I Was doing and she fitted in. Was much better altogether.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 15/06/2018 13:21

When DS1 was born I'd read all the books and researched all the techniques and fried my brain with 57000 baby commandments. Really, he was just easy. He slept well, fed well, we worked out a routine quickly and got on with it.

I had so many horror-stories running around my head, imagining sleepless nights and weeping sessions in the bath that it took me a few weeks to realise that I was truly enjoying being a parent.

Some people glide into it and make it look easy, though it would be smug to post and brag, the horror-stories tend to be heard more.

Original poster
letsallhaveanap · 15/06/2018 13:21

kneesup haha my son certainly did not sleep all the time in the first month... he fed every hour!

OP posts:
GettingAwayWithIt · 15/06/2018 13:21

Mine was like a shit sandwich - sailed through pregnancy with only a bit of SPD in the third trimester which went away once my waters broke, horrendous childbirth experience, and a ten week old who feeds well, sleeps through the night, rarely cries and has made me wonder what all the fuss is about (my first child)

I am fully expecting her to turn into a demon child now and to torment me for the rest of my days now I've said that Grin

athingthateveryoneneeds · 15/06/2018 13:23

With your first, your whole world is turned upside down and inside out. With your second (or more) you realise that the baby has to conform to the schedules already in place (more or less). I personally had a hard time with #2 (emcs) but my 3rd was easy.

Original poster
letsallhaveanap · 15/06/2018 13:24

gettingawaywithit sleeps through at 10weeks! living the dream!!
My first did not sleep through until around six month and by 'through' I mean he still woke up once or twice in the night but did long stretches of a few hours at a time from that point on.

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 15/06/2018 13:24

My first was THE perfect baby! She slept a solid 4 hours between each bottle, and as she got older she would happily lay in crib or wherever I put her. She would either sleep or lay there happily... she never cried... she moved into a cot and went to sleep good as anything. I never had to rock her, stay with her or do anything.
My second however...... she'd have been an only child if she'd come first!!

Mousefunky · 15/06/2018 13:25

I didn’t find the jump from one to two all that bad, it was the jump from two to three that got me Grin.

I think with your second you are mentally more prepared for what’s about to ensue. It’s not as if explosive baby poo, the night time wakings or breastfeeding problems are new or shocking to you in any way because you’ve been there before. I certainly settled into the groove of things far, far easier with #2.

CheckerChew · 15/06/2018 13:28

Hi OP!

My son is 7 months. He slept through 8 hours from birth, I woke up in the postnatal ward at 7.30am and thought he was dead...

He was snoring away.

He goes around 12/14 hours now and has done from around 8 weeks old.

I actually found that I could be even lazier in the newborn stage because he'd sleep all day too Grin

Nyancat · 15/06/2018 13:30

First was horrific, sounds similar to your own and I was really anxious about my second as due date got closer. Second DC was an absolute dream, slept, woke, looked about, fed and slept again. Totally different experience - all change now he's 3 and a whirlwind but if I could be guaranteed another newborn like that i'd have about 6 by now. My eldest was awful but turned into an absolute delight and still is.

Original poster
letsallhaveanap · 15/06/2018 13:30

checkerchew wow!! that wins hands down! I bet you felt like youd won the lottery!

OP posts:
Original poster
letsallhaveanap · 15/06/2018 13:33

nyancat thats great to hear! My son is a sweetheart now too and he sleeps well now.. gets up a bit early sometimes but nothing too bad!

Those first months tho... it just seemed like constant crying... I remember shouting at my husband in the middle of the night 'I just dont know what to do to make him stop!!'

Hopefully second time round there will be less panic because I know it wont last forever!

OP posts:
Boozt · 15/06/2018 13:34

I think it is easier because you know what is coming so you have realistic expectations and also because you know that things WILL change and get better very quickly.

I don't think it was actually physically easier with my second, but I never felt that desperation that I sometimes felt with my first because I had that much more perspective. With my first I would sometimes feel like I was dying of sleep deprivation and that I just couldn't live like this because it seemed like it was going on forever. With my second there were some low points where I felt very tired, but it was just tiredness, it didn't come with the side order of mental anguish because I knew that there really wasn't so long to wait until things did improve.

Of course some people find that their second baby is just very very different in terms of personality and needs. I was lucky that my babies were actually extremely similar so I had expectations from DD and DS duly lived up to them.

Youvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 15/06/2018 13:35

Agree with everyone that the second was psychologically easier as it was less of an adjustment. With my first I constantly worried that I would break him, every day I was learning to do things I'd never done before, while being exhausted and feeling like I was in a constant muddle. With my second, I slipped into it much more easily although I was super tired - no "sleeping when baby sleeps" when you've got a toddler to look after! But because I wasn't totally wrapped up in newborn fug it was better.

Having number three though ... (joke, it was fine really but the logistics side of things were, erm, challenging ...)

You'll be fine. You've successfully kept a person alive up till now, you've learned what works, what not to worry about - you've got this, OP.