To think there's no reason for her to refuse

[teddybaare]

Mil and fil's first language is swahili, DP used to be fluent too but lost the language in primary school, his mother has mentioned multiple times how much this upsets her as he can no longer communicate with his family back in Africa.
It was established soon after DS was born that mil wanted him to visit Africa and the family around once a year, I was fine with this but suggested that mil and fil speak to DS in swahili so as he picks up the language along with English. I explained that it would be great for him to be able to speak and communicate when we go over and that being fluent in a second language could come in useful when he was older.
Mil shrugged off the suggestion and refused as if it was ridiculous, when I asked DP why she was being like this and if I'd be able to change her mind he said 'I don't know but good luck with that'.
Aibu to be absolutely baffled as to why? Surely it would be lovely for him to be able to get to know his extended family and useful if he visits regularly. To be clear she and fil communicate exclusively in swahili to each other so I would have thought she would have been happy about the suggestion

It would be a great advantage for ds to be bi-lingual.
I would have thought she would have taken it as a great compliment that you want him to learn his fathers native language

She sounds like hard work and like she's just looking for things to complain about. If it was really important that her son know Swahili then she and his father would have put in the effort to prevent him from 'losing it. I'm guessing in a few years time she'll be complaining about her grandson not knowing it either.

She is weird.

And it's not up to her whether you take DS to Africa (Kenya?) every year.

Tell her she can pay for it if she's so keen.

She's VERY hard work but I thought this could be one thing we'd agree on. I'm considering saying I'll not bother taking him unless it's a holiday if he can't speak with anyone. £600+ a year on flights alone to see family you can't communicate with seems pointless imo

Name change fail there op.

It's a lovely idea for DS to see other half of his heritage but not for her to dictate.

Maybe she is concerned then your ds would be able to relate to you the unflattering things they say about you??

Well looks like MIL can go spin for you spending £600 plus on flights then.

'Haha! Well yes of course it would be lovely for him to visit but I can't see the point if he can't understand even the basics... and it's clearly not actually that important to you that he understand his heritage MIL, you've even refused to speak Swahili to him, we're really not up for spending ££££ to have him visit if you can't even be bothered to put yourself out for some simple chat!'

How much do you see your ILs? Unless DS sees them very frequently he is not going to become fluent in another language just from occasional interaction. I think the fact that your DH lost Swahili in primary school when you say they communicate exclusively to one another in that language should show that?

It's also very difficult for them to speak exclusively to him in Swahili if neither you or your husband know the language. Fine when they are on their own but we found when my MIL tried to speak to our DSs in another language that she also ended up translating into English quite often for my benefit so it was pointless.

@unfortunateevents It was just DP and mil for the first 10 years of them living here as fil had to stay home due to sick family. We see them very regularly about 4 times a week so no issue with not seeing them enough

Can the relatives in Africa speak English as a second language? Because if they can then he will still be able to communicate with his extended family.

Could it be possible she’s lost a lot of it but won’t admit it?

I don't think you can dictate which language someone else talks in.