To feel put out

2 replies

ThisFireWillBurn · 15/06/2018 02:28

AIBU or irrational? It happened yesterday but still feel weird and need a slap if I’m being over sensitive.

Friend and I got invited to an event. When we discussed it she said she wasn’t sure about going but probably should, and I suggested we go together as neither of us would really know anyone. She agreed and suggested we get dinner first, as the event is near where we both work and we’d have about two hours to kill between so no point in going home. On the basis of this I told the event organiser I would go,

Then same day of the event friend said they didn’t want to go to the event anymore sorry. I suggested meeting for dinner anyway before she headed home knowing I had this time to kill (and her knowing this too) but she said no to that too.

I ended up spending the time in the library feeling a bit let down and going to the event as didn’t want to let the organiser down. Knowing friend had pulled out made me feel even more beholden to go as two absences would have been even worse for the organiser than one.

AIBU to feel let down by her?

OP posts:

teaandtoast · 15/06/2018 02:35

Not ideal her pulling out, no. On the other hand, it sounds like your heart wasn't in it either. Perhaps in future, only agree to go to stuff that you'd be happy to go to on your own? Then, even if someone does pull out, you're still looking forward to the event itself.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 15/06/2018 02:37

Of course, it's understandable that you feel disappointed because you were let down without a fair explantation.

Thing is she didn't really want to go to it in the first place. But neither did you. I find myself often doing the proper thing, and feel duty and guilt. Maybe drop her a message to ask if she is ok (sometimes when people are depressed they can't bare social events, they back out of things and it looks rude, but they don't mean to be.. which is why I think cut her some slack). This may prompt her to reply with an explanation. Because you are due one, but this way you look nice, and if she doesn't reply, maybe think twice before arranging your evening around her. Flakey friends,.. bah.

Flip