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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my husband totally heartless?

12 replies

princesscallie · 14/06/2018 23:36

I just found out at 630 this evening that my aunt who has lived beside me my whole life has terminal cancer. Now granted we don't know how long we have left with her yet but should know tomorrow. I rang hubbie on his way home from work to tell him the news. Got upset on the phone and cried when I hung up. When he got home I had composed myself and was being more practical about it all. Then about an hour ago we were discussing it again and he told me not to get too involved with it all. He said her 2 nephews one of which is my brother are going to inherit all she has so they should be doing more. I was so mad and upset I couldn't get the words out so just cried. For one that he thinks I want to help her for inheritance and secondly that he doesn't understand I've known her all my life and care about her deeply.

He then siad he thought that I was over it and had dealt with it because I was talking so practically about it when he got home. I have only had this information for 5hrs now and I'm shocked that he could think "I'm over it". Just wondering am I being unreasonable being so upset by his comments. I've wondered before about him actually caring about other people but this is a new low.

OP posts:
Bunbunbunny · 14/06/2018 23:38

No he’s being a dick!

OneInAMillionYou · 14/06/2018 23:41

Hi OP
My EXH was like this when I found out my beloved father was dying of cancer. One of the many examples of him being vile was the statement "are you still talking about this?" Three hours after I received the news.

One of many reasons why he is an Ex Husband.

I'm sorry about the lack of support from the person who is supposed to have your back and very sorry for your aunt.

teaandtoast · 14/06/2018 23:49

What a shock for you. Flowers
Your dh may be thinking of everything falling on your shoulders and being too much for you?

Stars1979 · 14/06/2018 23:49

Hmm men are rubbish sometimes! Sounds like he didn’t understand how close you are with her.

Teaandbiscuits35 · 14/06/2018 23:52

You’re not unreasonable. He’s being a knob.

Skittlesandbeer · 15/06/2018 00:07

Bloody hell. You’d better lay it out for him. That you’ll be upset in waves for years to come over this. And that you expect full support on it.

Remind him how nice it must be for him to have you as a partner, someone he can count on to have empathy and give practical help to him when his time comes. And how you can’t have the same sense of comfort about him.

Sorry for your sad news.

Italiangreyhound · 15/06/2018 00:20

He sounds very dumb, to think you could absorb that info and then just be over it.

Maybe he has never lost anyone he really cares for.

I hope you can help him to see that his comments are massively thoughtless.

I'm very sorry for your situation and for your aunt.

Returnofthesmileybar · 15/06/2018 00:20

To be fair to him unless he is close to his aunts/uncles it may be hard for him to understand. I am not close to any of mine, I like them but we're not close, I cannot imagine crying if I found out they had cancer but that doesn't make me heartless.

I also think he has a point on the inheritance, he didn't say that you would want any or offer help with the expectation of getting any. But he is right when he says the two people that are benefitting need to step up now, and they do, he is right, that's not to say you can't help though, he didn't say that

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 15/06/2018 00:23

No, men are not rubbish. DH would never behave like this. Neither would my fil or my dad.

He is being a dick.

ferrier · 15/06/2018 00:25

Does your dh have some resentment that the two nephews inherit and you (the niece so equal in terms of relation to her) don't?

Kpo58 · 15/06/2018 00:29

Do we actually know that the nephews are going to inherit or is it just something your DH said to try and stop you getting involved?

ineedaholidaynow · 15/06/2018 00:34

I am sorry for what you are going through OP and for your aunt Flowers

Your DH is being heartless. It can be hard to fully comprehend what emotions people have when going through something like this. I lost my DF late last year after terminal cancer diagnosis and I now fully understand what some of my friends who have previously suffered similar losses have been through. My DH has not suffered such a close bereavement so doesn't always get it, but has been supportive most of the time. The odd occasion when he has got it completely wrong I have had to spell it out to him, and he then does understand.

Is your DH usually so lacking in empathy? Think you need to sit him down and explain how you are feeling and that the next few months are going to be a rollercoaster of emotions and you will need his support.

Going slightly off tangent why wil the nephews inherit and not you?

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