School giving chocolate

[Amicompletelyinsane]

Aibu that school have sent my intolerant child home with chocolate?

It depends how it was handed over. If they were handed to whoever was collecting your DS , along with an explanation of why he had been given them, then I think that's okay. If they were handed to him and he had the opportunity to eat them if he wanted to then clearly that's not okay.

DS2's primary school did this. He'd eaten the smarties before he got to the school gate. Luckily he doesn't have an allergy. We were asked to fill the tube with 20ps. I can't remember how many fit in the tube but it was a ridiculous amount of money - £11 or £12 I think!

It is a very common way to raise funds by a PTA, you will come across this in the next 7 years on an annual basis most likely.

I would contact the school and PTA and ask them if they are aware of children with allergies and if there is a different way to treat these children, your child won’t be the only one. Didn’t you get an announcement before they handed them out?

Most children with allergies I came across do exactly know that they are not allowed to just eat what a person has given them without parental ok, even a 4 year old. Maybe raise awareness with your child as welll.

I think the term ‘intolerance’ is a bit misleading here. This sounds like a a non-IgE related allergy. Most people think of allergies as fast dangerous reactions, this are IgE (immunoglobulin) reactions. Non -IgE reactions are also allergies and need to be accommodated as such, legally.
Just as hindall says, school should have communicated.
OP I’ve messaged you with some info.

'Oh get over yourself. Complaining about this shit is why no one wants to teach anymore.'

How true

I don't think your unreasonable op and I argued strongly against this fundraiser 15 years ago when DD 1 was in reception. Plenty parents later told me they agreed and would not be happy with chocolate being sent home from school to the children.

He'd have probably been upset if everyone except him was given one.

But if he's school age he should be more than capable of knowing he can't have them. My brother was discovered to be allergic to certain colourings back in the 80s and one smartie could trigger an asthma attack. (and did on one occasion)
He knew not to eat anything without checking by the time he was 3yo, and at school age very quickly picked up checking ingredients on packaging.

I have a child who can't eat chocolate in my class. Every parent so far has sent in birthday chocolates. His mum eats them and buys him a sweet instead. I'd be leaving him out if I didn't give him the birthday chocolate as well. And no they shouldn't be eating anything until they check with an adult, surely that's drummed into kids everywhere?

The people commenting with " get over yourself" clearly don't have to deal with an intolerant child on a day to day basis. Count yourself lucky

I was that child (actually with an allergy rather than intolerance, but still). I grew up fully accepting that I couldn't have treats like chocolate, but that it was normal for other children to, and this would not have upset me in the slightest (though my parents would probably have made sure I had something nice instead).

I was far more embarrassed when people would realise, get awkward and then either remove the chocolate from everyone, or desperately try to find something else. I remember vividly at the age of 5 a friend's mum made her daughter find me a teddy from her toybox- I knew what was happening although she tried to pretend it was a new one she'd bought for me, and I was mortified.

You need to teach your son that he can't eat things like that, but that he can still get involved. Don't make him feel like an alien - he will not thank you for it. No kid wants to feel like a weirdo. I was very capable from a very young age of not eating anything without checking first, until I got old enough to learn what was ok myself.

Enable your son, don't wrap him in cotton wool and get rage over little things like this.

The trouble is a lot of parents would have been upset at their child being left out so really the school were going to be wrong either way.

They have dairy intolerant child schools? Who’d a thunk it.

Wow I’m really surprised at some of these responses. The assumption by the school is that the child eats the smarties, not the parent. Your child is 4, not 12. So YANBU

I’ve had this happen with dd twice. First time she was in her pre preschool year and although they were fully aware of her allergy she was still sent home with the smarties. She knew she couldn’t eat them though, she has an older brother and knows she doesn’t always get to eat what he has. I just emptied the tube and refilled it with jelly tots for her. I was expecting the tube home again the next year and again, she was sent home with smarties. Her brother ate them and she got jelly tots.

I have a list of class birthdays and send a cake in for her when I know there’s one coming up, the staff give it to her if the birthday child brings in treats and I make sure I know when there will be party food coming in so she’s not going without. It’s a bit of a pain in the arse but it’s either that or she goes without whilst everyone else around her gets to tuck in.

It isn’t a big deal if your child is aware that they themselves have an allergy and are capable of asking before they eat things. My dd at 4 knows, and has done for some time, to ask if something has cows milk in it. Although this doesn’t always work as she tried this yesterday in a new place and was just told ‘we’re not having milk today just juice and biscuits’ 🤦‍♀️ so it does depend on the person having a bit of awareness that milk is in EVERYTHING.

I’m thinking we might have to teach her to ask people to check the packets in future.

I have much more of a problem with the expectation that every family can spare 12 quid - I hate these emotional blackmail fundrIsers.

Pop straight up to A and E or call 999 and tell them about it.

As a Teacher and a parent of a dairy intolerant child- I would be livid mine is just about to turn 4 and is very much aware she cant eat dairy and does well not to get upset when other kids get treats she cant have. Yes it maybe a fundraising idea but it is not inclusive and really not fair- you should have been told. My DD nursery are amazing did an Easter egg hunt and hid a special egg for her it made her week. Teacher are not leaving in droves due to parents who care- its because of parent who dont give a f@@k and a every increasing workload with little appreciation. Just have a polite word with the school and ask in the future they could be a little more sensible.

It’s not ideal but I am slightly concerned that your older child drank a glass of milk if they are intolerant.
My son hasn’t started school yet and is acutely aware of his allergies. He knows he is not aloud to eat nuts, or peas. He used to be allergic to wheat (since grown out of) and would question everything given to him. I can understand the chocolate getting eaten but a glass of milk is pretty hard to get confused by.

I think they are being unreasonable, yes. They really should have checked the records before handing it out. It's worrying, what if it was a very severe nut allergy and they gave something unsuitable out??

Severe nut allergy is quite far away from a dairy intolerance.

My little one drank the milk at age two. That's far more an issue than school child with chocolate, but hey that's another story. My child knows they can't have things and doesn't get upset if it's explained. Just some advance warning would have been nice. Now to hope the nursery review their ideas and don't give my toddler more milk.

My kid has no dietary issues, but this sort of thing still makes me a bit

Expecting a 4yo not to tip back his head and down the lot while waiting for pickup is unreasonable. I wouldn’t be pleased to find a sick kid on my hands that night. We keep sugary food to a minimum, and we are careful not to link it to rewards. I think the health jury is well in on this, regardless of whether it’s a popular view on mn.

I think it’s a lazy fundraising idea, that plays into bad health ideas and quasi-addictions.

I would expect that a school would give a cursory glance at the ‘students with intolerances’ list before handing out chocolate, and contact the parents to enable a different pick up protocol. What’s so hard or unreasonable about that? What’s next, coated nuts?

Talking of class birthdays, at my DC's school, the rule used to be bring in Fabulous Bakin' Boys cakes, now, because the kitchen isn't nut-free, it's bring in Haribo or chocolate buttons. We go for chocolate buttons because there are Muslim DC in both my DC's classes.