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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been humiliated and stop sport for good

43 replies

Metoodear · 14/06/2018 19:53

Started a sport don’t want to put myself this week and was told by one of the ladies that their was more sporty today I am very keen after years of doing nothing finally able to make activities after kids are in bed

Saw somone getting out of their car heading to the court

She looked at me with amusement and said not sure who told you to come but our team is full someone else may take you if you hang around and just walked off

Feel humiliated really shall I just stop going the lady in question attends the other session I attended at the beginning of the week

OP posts:

Witchend · 14/06/2018 22:20

She looked at me with amusement and said not sure who told you to come but our team is full

If it's tennis, then saying team implies to me that it was a match practice. They can look like a just turn up social if you don't know, but it isn't really.

I've been in various clubs and courts are managed in different ways.

The one I'm in now has lots of turn up for anyone. You play 7 games and move on. We've lots of courts and lots of players so no one minds if they get a couple of turns with a beginner or 3 top team men, because you'll always get another better matched set.

At another club I was at, there were fewer courts and fewer players, and you played a set each time. So you could end up playing every time with the same player you didn't enjoy playing with, and people were much ruder about not playing with people they didn't want to.

The "not sure who told you to come" does sound like it isn't a just turn up and play to me. It may be that it's meant to be and they've frozen everyone else out though.

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/06/2018 22:48

I play badminton and used to play netball and can guarantee this is a netball post - netballers get so cliquey and thats why I left.

There are plenty of back to netball sessions about and it's being more well known due to the success of the Commonwealth Games.

A PP mentioned no strings badminton but you'd never get this sort of attitude there. The one I run once a week welcomes children and adults of all abilties and we have a separate court and area for beginners to get used to it before going into doubles games.

You just haven't found your place yet OP. Don't give up, I tried for a year to make netball work for me but I just disliked the cliques and were better than you attitude, despite me being one of the better players. Badminton and tennis are much more inclusive IMO.

WhyBeUnkind · 15/06/2018 08:34

I don't think it's netball as the other person said their team was full but someone else might take you later - to me that suggests another sport.

skippy67 · 15/06/2018 09:25

If it's a netball club, they'll have more than one team.

Laserbird16 · 15/06/2018 10:03

How about you look her up and down and say see you on the field, then crash tackle her and blame newbie over exuberance. Even if it is tennis. But really, fuck her, good for you!

WhyBeUnkind · 15/06/2018 10:32

Lol Skippy. I did realise that you need at least two teams for Netball. 😬. It was more the phrasing that made me think it sounded more like a smaller team thing.... but hard to know with the OPs posts

Whatshallidonowpeople · 15/06/2018 10:37

I don't understand the question, it doesn't make sense. But if you are humiliated so easily how do you get by in every day life?

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/06/2018 11:00

What a stupid question. The OP clearly feels vulnerable and anxious whilst starting a new activity after many years of not being active. No reason to assume that the same is true about other aspects of her life that aren't like this!

@Metoodear I'd try and find out exactly what the organisational structure is for this particular day, and find out what new players need to do to join in. Then if you want to, go back and follow that process. Don't let one sniffy person put you off.

skippy67 · 15/06/2018 14:02

Why I meant that at a netball club, that club will have more than one team/squad. For example at my club we have 4 teams. A first team, 2nd team, and so on. So lol back at ya...

specialsubject · 15/06/2018 14:05

'team ' games - a real oxymoron. especially in female sports.

there are plenty of sporting options that dont need a ball.

sofato5miles · 15/06/2018 14:10

I play tennis and run a weekly spot. We have people rock up on occasion, who hear that is a social group but it isn't, there is a screening process.

However, I give up my first set to them and assess if they are a group fit. If they are, great, if not I suggest they get some more match experience and try again in a few months.

The reason for that is sport is sport. If you only get two hours a week and were a former county player or above you want a challenge. That being said, if we see potential, some of us offer to play outside the group time to nurture the players that we think have potential. The group has run at a high level for 20 plus years and we want to maintain it's competitiveness.

It sucks for beginners but there is a skill level for each group, you just have to find yours and put in the time to improve.

zeeboo · 15/06/2018 19:14

And there is @sofato5miles nearly demonstrating the OPs post. Sport is one of the few places where snobbery and lack of inclusion in still widely tolerated.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/06/2018 19:19

She was invited to a beginners non league session. It's not exactly meant to be exclusive and competitive. Would it have killed them to include her?

Redcrayons · 15/06/2018 19:29

such a shame you encountered such a horrible cow at your first session. What was everyone else like? Give it another go with your friend.

Bibesia · 16/06/2018 00:24

Casmama, Muphry's law strikes again. It's richly ironic that you pull OP up on her punctuation whilst yourself committing the considerably greater "should of" crime.

sofato5miles · 16/06/2018 05:19

@zeeboo rubbish. I was a total beginner and didn't start to play until I was 40 and 85kgs. I joined the competitive group once I was fit and a good standard, a few years later. I had played with successive standard groups as I had improved. That is a realistic expectation.

OP do not put the responsibility of your fitness and having fun on a random rude woman. You can do it. She didn't humiliate you, she was just fucking rude. Stick with your friend and find a group that you are comfortable with.

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/06/2018 06:02

I think you'd be mad to give up all sport for good based on one sentence from one woman.

unusuallylongtoes · 17/06/2018 08:41

If it's tennis I'd really recommend joining a beginners coaching group, it's really good fun.
There are cliques in every sport but tennis seems to attract the worst sort IMO, the bigger clubs tend to be more welcoming.

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