Truth or lie?

[Shuzza]

A colleague of mine (not close) is trying to arrange a surprise big birthday party for her husband. She is trying to track down his best friend from school to invite.
She found out the old friend works for a service that my OH work for and asked very excitedly if he could tack him down.

He has, successfully found him but when contacted, this old friend has requested point blank we do not pass his details on as he doesn't want to make contact again.

My OH says we should tell her that he wasn't able to find him.
I think we should say he doesn't want to be contacted as she may carry on looking and find him through another means anyway.

WWYD?

Tell the truth

truth

I would tell the truth.

Truth

I would tell the truth, though of course it may not go down well - people tend to shoot the messenger!

I would tell the truth - she doesn't need to pass it on to her DH if she wants to save him from the news but it will stop her from wasting her time looking and potentially from the embarrassment of being rebuffed if she does find him.

Ok, thanks all, I was wondering if I was just being harsh! I would just rather know if it were me.

Generally I would say tell the truth - your oh may think he's "protecting colleagues feelings" but a) she's a grown up, b) it's not HER best friend and c) she may continue to search for him, find him and then ex best friend will assume your dh broke his word.

So tell colleague the truth UNLESS you have reason to believe she is the sort of person who will demand to know why, get all indignant, refuse to respect boundaries, etc. In which case, stay vague.

Tell the truth, ...your colleague can't be angry or upset at you...you did as she asked and the person doesnt want to be contacted...

If you lie and say you and dh couldn't find him and then she finds him, he may be angry and may tell her he already told your dh that he didn't want to be contacted...and then it's going to be awkward for you as she will want to know why you lied

Tell the truth, it's not harsh at all, just the way it is - and not your fault or responsibility.