To want hubby to be more involved?

[sunnyblueskies]

Long story short. Our preschooler comes home yesterday with a newsletter. Dads and Grandads week some time at the end of the month. Asking if they could spare just an hour to come in and play.

Showed hubby and he flat out said no he doesn’t have the time.

He commutes into work every day and it’s a 5 hour round trip and works one day from home. I suggested maybe he could go for an hour in the morning before he cracks on with work. Still said no. His day working at home is his downtime and he just hasn’t got time for it. I appreciate he works hard but to not be able to give our little one an hour of his time at preschool. It broke my heart into a million pieces.

AIBU?

I can see why you’d be upset, but he’s doing 20 hours a week travelling on top of four full days so I can also see why he’d want to rest and switch off a bit on his WFH day.

How involved is he on a weekend?

My partner said no to the same because he just didn't want to, I asked if her grandad could go instead and that was a no too. Luckily I'm not that fussed and don't think my DD will be either. However,
if it is important to you maybe one of your child's grandparents would like to go if that's an option?

YANBU at all except for the hyperbole in last sentence

How involved is he with kids day to day and with the household stuff?

From what you wrote, you don't want your hubby to be more involved, you want him to appear at pre-school, which is quite a different thing. Being involved in your child's life is not turning up to once a year "dads week" at pre-school, it's what you do every single day you can.

It's just the school ticking ofsted boxes I doubt whether it'll have any long term effect on your dds wellbeing to be honest

Is he managing to spare hours of his time when he is at home? That's important.

This is about school ticking boxes, it isn't important unless you make it a problem. If anything your child needs to learn to be resilient to adverts playing on emotional heartstrings, and distinguish them from the stuff which actually matters. Not have you egging it on so that school's paperwork scores 1% higher.

In answer to the questions:

On the weekend he is OK. Neither hands on brilliant nor bad.

Day to day he doesn’t see our daughter. He sees her on a Wednesday after preschool and the weekend.

Household stuff. He loads the dishwasher in the evening. Weekends makes it a mess. Standard.

I might ask my Dad but then hubby would probably get arsy about it. He’s funny like that( please see first ever post re emotional abuse!)

If he doesn't want to go I really don't see why your dad shouldn't go instead? That's a bit bonkers. Surely the point is that your child has someone there for her, whoever that may be.

Thank you all