To change my name

[LittleMissCwtch]

I got divorced from my emotionally abusive ex and am now engaged to my new partner. We are thinking of getting married next year and I will change my name to his name then.

My 2 children and me have the same surname as my ex, and I’d like to go back to my maiden name by deed poll.

I know the kids will have to keep his surname, but I was never a part of his mostly abusive family and don’t want that association (I wouldn’t say that to the kids, I would just say something nice as a reason).

Would it make much difference having a different surname to them? I know it means changing my name with everyone and I could just wait until I get married but because of what he put me through I would rather not have my ex’s surname?

Firstly you don't have to do a deed poll to revert to your birth surname. It's still yours. When you marry you simply gain the 'right' to use your husband's name if you wish or not, or to use both. You still have that right, you don't even have to prove that you are divorced. A bank might fuss and make it difficult but your birth surname is still yours and always was. So you simply stop using his surname and change cards etc. over. If your passport is in the surname no longer to be used, change that first then use it as proof of name when you do banks etc.

How about after that when you marry, you double-barrel your name and new husbands, and make a court application to double-barrel children's names with your birth surname? Then there is a link. BTW, your ex may object but if you're applying to add your side's surname and not get rid of his, he'll very likely be overruled.

So say your birth surname is Johnson, you'd end up as Johnson-NewHname while the children are Johnson-Exname.

If you have a different surname to your children you won't be able to travel abroad without their fathers permission. If you share same surname there's no need for approval...This is a new rule coming into play in most countries.

@FizzyGreenWater I was made to change my name by deed poll following my divorce. A lot of organisations refused to change my name on their system without a deed poll certificate. My bank we’re particularly adamant about it, even though I showed them my birth certificate and decree absolute!

Monday55, that's not entirely true. Even if you have the same surname you are still supposed to have the consent of anyone else with parental responsibility before taking them abroad

Yes I think that's common. It's not legal, though! I suspect most folk just go along with the demands as it would absolutely be more hassle to insist on them reading up on THE LAW and upholding it. Ridiculous.

I know a fair bit about it as on marriage we both changed our name to a new surname, therefore I did have to do deed poll (as did he) and that's a totally different legal position to changing name 'on marriage'. If I wanted to change to any other name, including 'back' to my old one, I'd have to deed poll again. You absolutely didn't. Your 'married name' is a convention, and at any time during your marriage you could have randomly decided to sign yourself as your 'maiden' surname again and there's nothing anyone could say about it - it's legal. That's how lots of women keep their maiden names 'professionally' - and even have bank accounts in two different surnames.

Changing by marriage being a convention, I think it's also the case that you don't get the opportunity to amend your birth certificate, as it's 'only' a surname by marriage, ie one you're using but not 'your sole name'. Whereas with deed poll I think I remember being told that after 3? 5? years of having the new name, I'd be eligible to get it added to my birth certificate.

I had to do a deed poll when I reverted to my maiden name even though my passport was still in my maiden name. Weird no one would accept my passport

@Monday55 - If you have a different surname to your children you won't be able to travel abroad without their fathers permission.

You are confusing two separate situations. If you have a different surname, you may be asked to prove your relationship to the child so, for example, a birth cert showing your relationship with the child. If you have changed your name again, then you would also need a marriage cert to show your new name.

If you are travelling with a child without the other parent, you need proof of consent from the other parent, regardless of whether you have the same surname as the child or not.

Just get a passport in your maiden name , change your bank account , work details etc after that.

@FizzyGreenWater you are absolutely right! But the bank etc simply wouldn’t have it! It’s like you say, I eventually decided that getting the deed poll was easier.

So now I have a deed poll certificate telling people that my birth name is my name

I can't believe that some of you have had to use deed poll to revert to your maiden name! It's shocking that a passport in your birth name wouldn't suffice.