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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be fussed that my son has started sucking his thumb?

51 replies

Mumof1DS · 14/06/2018 11:03

DS is 4 months old. Sucking his fist has developed into sucking his thumb occasionally. Not all the time, maybe once or twice a day. Whether it makes it in by accident or intention, I'm not sure.

Personally, me and DH are not fussed. We think he'll grow out of it. He's hardly going to go to his first job sucking his thumb!
However, MIL and SIL are acting like he has developed a heroin addiction. It's been suggested that we give him a dummy instead. Even DM has said it's easier to take away a dummy rather than a thumb.
I haven't given him a dummy so far and don't really want to. It took a long time to get him latching on well and still sometimes ends up with a shallow latch and has to be taken off and put back on, so I don't really want to introduce a dummy in case it hinders the breastfeeding.

AIBU in my attitude to said thumb sucking?

OP posts:
Myusernameisunique · 14/06/2018 15:14

I have a 31 year old friend who still sucks their thumb and has the rounded mouth/sticking out teeth shape. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone as others have said but it was enough to put the fear in me. I would never have had my DDs sucking their thumbs and would've replaced with a dummy if they had done.

JustVent · 14/06/2018 15:24

I remember my baby sucking his thumb.
So cute!

Not so cute now he’s 11 though. Hmm

It can be easily stopped if needs be, we use anti nail biting stuff, we just always forget the use it.

I have another son who used me and my boobs instead of a thumb. I can tell you right now that a thumb sucker is much easier.

Neither of them slept though, thumb or boob.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2018 15:39

we use anti nail biting stuff

My son washed it off. His orthodontist recommended long football socks worn on both arms underneath a PJ top. Both arms so they’re difficult to remove.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 14/06/2018 15:44

One of mine sucked her thumb and could self settle at an early age

The other doesn't and won't take a dummy and wants to feed for comfort aaaaaallll night. I know which is easier!!

JustVent · 14/06/2018 15:55

SoupDragon when DS was little he used to just suck it regardless of it being covered in the nasty stuff.

It works now he’s older though. I don’t think he should considered washing it off though...

alittlequinnie · 14/06/2018 16:03

There will always be people who say that they sucked their thumb and their teeth are perfect but I am not sure it's worth the risk.

I sucked my thumb, constantly, until I was 15. Even if I was riding my bike I had one hand on the handlebar and the other hand was in my mouth sucking my thumb.

My teeth were shocking - I couldn't even close my mouth properly - I could not meet my top and bottom teeth together.

I had years of braces and dental work with teeth out etc to squash them all back in. They are okay-ish now but not fantastic.

The worst though was the teasing I got for having sticking out teeth at school - complete strangers used to say things like "here comes goofy" as I was coming down the stairs etc.

It completely destroyed me as a child and I still don't like to look in the mirror now.

My mum, who clearly didn't nip it in the bud at the beginning used to try and do things like tie my hand behind my back when I got a bit "too old" to do it - I wish she had given me a dummy or taken my thumb out of my mouth when I was a baby.

It's up to you OP but my experience is such that I would not encourage it.

Jasmine1111 · 14/06/2018 16:08

36 year old thumb sucker here. Never in public and only when I am v tired or stressed.

My older two boys had dummies as does baby but he has shown an interest in his thumb. I will be discouraging it as it’s much easier to remove a dummy!

Pleasegodgotosleep · 14/06/2018 16:25

The thing about a dummy is that it can be removed and sterilized a thumb can't! I sucked my thumb until I was 13. It was a huge struggle to stop! In the years i did suck my thumb i had no trouble with my teeth but picked up plenty of bugs and ended ip with a horrible patch of thickened skin like a wart on my thumb, it took 2 years to clear after i stopped sucking.

tootstastic · 14/06/2018 16:30

I'm not sure why you seem so set against perfectly sensible advice op. This article may help you understand that thumb sucking can cause teeth and jaw problems...

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/children/7823405/New-thumb-sucking-clinic-opens-its-doors.html

My brother still sucks his thumb in his forties. It looks ridiculous and the sucked thumb is thinner than the other thumb.

oblada · 14/06/2018 16:38

Personally it wouldnt bother me! My son sacked his thumb v early on and it was fab!! Great for him to soothe himself without me. However after a hospital stint (completely unrelated) he completely stopped (probably linked to having an IV on his hand which stopped him being able to suck his thumb and made him sore). I miss it... :/ he uses breastfeeding for comfort a lot more now. (He's 15months).
I'm generally a believer of 'if it's not broken don't fix it' and keeping things as natural as possible. It is his body, his choice. You are breastfeeding him as well which I'm sure will help him in terms of developing his independence. When he doesn't need his thumb he will stop. Yes some people didn't stop for a long time but maybe if the thumb had been removed it would have been something else and not necessarily a different outcome or similar issues?

oblada · 14/06/2018 16:39

Sucked! Bloody autocorrect

OddestSock · 14/06/2018 16:46

DD1 wouldn’t take a dummy when she started sucking her thumb at 3 months old. She stopped sucking her thumb at about 6.5 on her own accord.

DropZoneOne · 14/06/2018 16:47

My DD sucked her thumb and still does age 10. As a baby she took her dummy out and put her thumb in, so that didn't work!

I have a work colleague in her 30s who sucks her thumb and twirls her hair when reafing long emails so I'm not convinced by the "they'll grow out of it" frame of mind.

I have tried everything to stop my daughter - including socks on hands which she pulled at with her teeth until she could work it loose enough to come off!

NewName54321 · 14/06/2018 17:02

My eldest daughter still sucks her thumb a lot at age 11. She does it in shops, at school, anywhere and I am a bit worried that she'll get picked on as she moves into high school.

What my DM did with me at that age, in preparation for going to secondary school, was limit the places where I could suck my thumb, rather than trying to make me stop entirely (that battle was well and truly lost, despite all her efforts).

So, thumb-sucking allowed at home, school and grandparents' house.
Then at home and in the classroom
Then only at home
Then only in living room and bedroom
Then only in my bedroom.

I actually didn't stop thumb-sucking until I was in my 30s, but no-one at secondary school ever knew.

This has reminded me: there was an older girl at secondary school who would walk around school sucking her thumb. Other people did notice and it did look peculiar, but I don't know whether any comments were made. (If anyone had said anything to me I think I would have thumb-sucked more as I would have been upset and wanted that comfort). I used to wonder if she'd get poisoned by the chemicals used in science.

Pannacott · 14/06/2018 18:11

Well some thumb suckers don't damage their teeth or jaws. Some do. Dentists advise against it. Your baby could be one of the ones who needs their jaw smashing up under general anaesthetic and being wired up while it heals. I'm not sure why you'd risk that really, dummies are much better as they can be removed.

Buswankeress · 14/06/2018 18:53

Had you asked me a year ago I'd have said there's plenty of time to get him out of it, however now I would advise you to nip it in the bud!
My thumb sucker is 14, and we are 'on hold' until she can break the habit, for having her braces fitted and other issues fixed. Another 3 months and she'll be discharged and we'll have to start the process all over again and if she still does it, they won't touch her. Apparently the opposing forces of the brace vs the thumb causes front teeth to come loose. Dd hates her teeth and is desperate for them sorting, she's also really really struggling with stopping, we do bandages and plasters and bitter nail varnish but she doesn't even realise sometimes herself it's in there, it's so ingrained. It's awful because she's so conflicted and she wants to thumb suck all the more for comfort!
My advice would be stop the habit forming now because you don't know where it might end up!

oblada · 14/06/2018 19:32

I understand thumb sucking to be mimicking breastfeeding/the hormonal response of bf. I wonder if thumb sucking past the 'normal/infancy' stage happens even when a child is breast/breastfed until natural weaning (so a couple of years at least)? I'm not saying there is a link but I can see a possible one.
In any event it's worth remembering that it is a natural thing to do for an infant and in most cases goes away by itself without causing any harm. If course it can linger and can become problematic. But I would say that when it becomes problematic it is the symptom of sth, not the cause (my view only)...

likeacrow · 14/06/2018 19:35

God really? My 15 month old sucks her thumb. Fantastic for self soothing! We were chuffed when she started, around 4 months old, as she gave up her dummy.
Not worried at all.

I was a thumb sucker too btw.

SerenDippitty · 14/06/2018 19:36

I sucked my thumb and ended up with buck teeth and years of misery in a brace.

Ummmmgogo · 14/06/2018 19:38

yabu. I have had braces and still have a thumb shaped dent in the roof of my mouth. I think you should remove it from his mouth every time you see him doing it.

Strongmummy · 14/06/2018 19:40

I’m 40 and occasionally still suck my thumb. No teeth issues to report, but everyone’s teeth are different

NoParticularPattern · 14/06/2018 19:42

My DD has started to suck her thumb too- same age as your DS. I’d rather she didn’t, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to do aboit it!! She won’t take a dummy (we’ve tried many different ones!!) so I can’t even replace it with something. Whilst I’d rather she didn’t do it, I clearly can’t stop her doing it so I’m not going to stress myself out over something I have literally zero control over.

Plus it means occasionally she doesn’t scream which is always a bonus.

likeacrow · 14/06/2018 19:44

Should have added. No teeth issues for me. I didn't carry on the thumb sucking into adulthood though.
I wouldn't stress about it. If I tried to stop my DD sucking her thumb she wouldn't understand why and would be beside herself. It'd be like taking her blankie/comforter off her. Just cruel & pointless when they're so young.
I'll tackle it when she's at least old enough to understand, if it's still an issue then.

PhoebefromFriends · 14/06/2018 19:50

I am reading this sucking my thumb and I'm in my mid-thirties. I didn't realise until I had boyfriends that even if I never did it in front of them I would do it in my sleep...... I think I would discourage it just because I think the habit is easier to break with a dummy.

Ihuntmonsters · 14/06/2018 19:59

My ds sucked his thumb into his teens. Only when he had his comforter though, so once he was out of babyhood it was easy enough to keep it for bedtime / when he was feeling low. It was great when he was little as he never had any issues getting to sleep. dd was not a thumb sucker and struggled hugely with self soothing. We took them to an orthodontist in their early teens because ds has three crocked front teeth which I assumed were related to the thumb sucking. The ortho said that it was not related, he decided against braces and dd who looked like she had perfect teeth ended up with extensive orthodontic work. Our ortho said most issues are genetic, but I guess some children's palette are affected by thumb sucking and some aren't.