To think this is too much?

[PineapplePrincess]

Sorry, I know this is a first world problem - please don’t flame me...

I bought DH gifts for wedding anniversary (March) and for his birthday (April). Both gifts weren’t to his tastes and we took them back, with money refunded to my card.

I repeatedly asked him to pick something else out and I would buy it for him. Kinda forgot about it after a few weeks of chasing and kinda wrote it off.

Tonight he says he’s found some things he’d like to buy with his Valentine/birthday ‘credit’ and shows me an internet shopping basket totalling £350.

I said it was too much and now he’s upset at me.

In my defence:

• I took my anniversary gift back also, which a was refunded to his card. And was of equal value to the gift I got him (approx £100)
• He currently owes me £100 for something else
• I’ve just spend £90 on a personalised Father’s Day gift from him (albeit he doesn’t know this yet!)

I wouldn’t mind it if he’d asked for something around £100 and would probably just buy him it; but this feels a bit cheeky. I don’t generally have that money to spend, and have to save for gift buying. Currently trying to save for some things I would like too, and that would blow a significant hole in my savings to date.

BTW we’ve agreed for future gift buying that we will agree what we want in advance, to avoid returns/exchanges. Slightly disappointed in this as I love the element of surprise, but we’re getting disappointed to often these days.

Dont buy each other gifts. Yes an expectation of £350 is mad imo but its all relative

Don't buy each other gifts, instead use the money for a joint experience. Date day, date night etc. Silly buying prearranged presents

Why are you buying such extravagant gifts? Limit yourself to £20 or something - and put in plenty of thought instead.

Depends if you can afford it, if you can’t then just say you can’t afford it or ask if he’d go halves.

Just tell him he's having a laugh.

It sounds like he’s chosen several things, so I would offer to buy one or more of them up to a price you can afford.

Bit risky spending £90 on a personalised gift since you don’t seem to have a very good sense of what he likes. You won’t be able to return that one.

@Alienspaceship - why are you buying such extravagant gifts?

It’s a legacy thing from when we were young with separate salaries and plenty of disposable income. Less able to afford now, but still have the desire for expensive things! £100 is generally the limit and I would restrict this to birthdays, Xmas and special anniversaries.

@countryrosepink - instead use the money for joint experiences

We don’t get much chance to do these types of things. Small child, no support network so generally date days/nights don’t happen.

I'm assuming he has a vague idea as your husband of what money you have coming in. If you say that £350 isn't generally the kind of money you have lying around then yanbu at all. It's pretty rude to ask for something that expensive without thinking about cost.
Also, why did he have to exchange everything you bought him? It would worry me that you can't seem to choose presents for each other that's just odd. Also that he doesn't seem grateful for what he gets given and can't be bothered to pick a replacement just assumes that money is sat there.
£90 on Father's Day (unless it's something lovely and personal) is daft.

@HeddaGarbled - Bit risk spending £90 on a personalised gift

I know! But it’s a framed picture on DH and DS, which I know he loves and will be displayed in the house, so I don’t think it can go far wrong (eeek - can it!?!).

We’ve had a cr@ppy few weeks recently, so pushed the boat out on it.

I think he’s either got carried away or lacks consideration. That much takes the poss for a birthday and Father’s Day.

@BeanJen - we have joint account with all monies are paid into which pays bills etc, then an allowance that’s transferred to our personal accounts to do us day to day (petrol, lunches, clothes, etc). It’s not that much, so we have to efficient in our spending on day to day essentials to ‘save’ for presents and treats.

£90 for a framed picture?! How big is it? Is it framed in solid gold?

Then @PineapplePrincess I think you're 100% in the right. If he knows that money isn't really in your remit it's mean to ask for it.

@Merryoldgoat - it’s fairly big (50cm x 50cm), with the picture in the middle and an inscription at the top reading ‘Daddy, reasons that I love you’ then ten little plaques round the picture with personalised reasons DS has given.

I know, it’s more than I would ordinary spend. But after suffering our third miscarriage a few weeks ago, I just wanted to celebrate him being a great Dad to our son.

Framing can cost a lot. I've paid £400 in the past......
I think it is cheeky asking for that much. Surely you know each others finances?

flowersyour Father's Day sounds lovely. Sorry about your loses.