I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child, with a miscarriage 6 months ago. Next week we have our 12 week scan which will confirm that our baby’s heart is growing outside of its chest. We have decided I will have a termination due to very low survival chances and life quality and the impact a disabled child will have on us as a family. That will probably be another 2/3 weeks away.
And now my bump is showing, and I cry every morning when I get dressed because it’s so painful to have this beautiful bump growing and knowing it’s not going to end in us holding our baby. A bump that I prayed for when I miscarried last year. Not wanting people in the shop to realise I’m pregnant because in a few weeks time I won’t be and I don’t want any awkward questions. So I’m choosing my baggiest clothes but it’s getting hard to cover.
And despite all of this I look in the mirror and I’m proud of this beautiful baby growing, and proud of what my body has done for me. AIBU to be proud? AIBU to want to hide it? I just don’t know how to feel!