AIBU to think that EPAU is dragging out failing pregnancy unnecessarily?

[CurlyTwirlyTwos]

I’ll try and keep it simple:

Went for a private scan last week, I should have been 8 weeks. I showed a 8 week sac, no fetal pole, no heartbeat.

Confirmed by epau at local hospital 3 days later.

As the private scan could not be taken into account I had to return to epau today, exactly 1 week later to reconfirm suspected blighted ovum. Today showed a fetal pole and a ‘slow’ heartbeat. The sonographer said I measured approx 5-6 weeks, and that my uterus is measuring 8+3

Nothing adds up.

I now have to return in 10 days to see if the pregnancy develops further.

The epau ladies didn’t seem positive about the outcome of my pregnancy - so why make me wait another 10 days? I want this to be over, I was all set for a d&c this week, and to put this behind me.

I’ve had a positive test over a month ago now, I realistically know that this is a very slow miscarriage. I have no hope it will turn out well. I don’t feel like I’m going to start bleeding anytime soon, in fact I’m still very nauseous and tired to the bone - the 1st trimester symptoms are not decreasing at all.

AIBU to book into BPAS and resolve this myself? I’m giving it serious consideration now, in my mind EPAU are dragging this out unnecessarily. My worst fear is that will be 'some' development again next time but resolve what is it is clearly a failing pregnancy.

I feel like it's going to take them 3-4 weeks to take any action - I should be in my 2nd trimester by the time anything is done for me. I'm getting very upset and angry.

AIBU?

Much sympathy Op.

We were in a similar situation about 6years ago. The two weeks we had to wait to get the miscarriage confirmed was horrific. Beyond horrific.

But we survived it.

And they found a heartbeat. And he is five now. And wonderful!

He should not exist. It is impossible. I don’t understand it. (And after they told us instead of saying “huh??? Please explain.” We ran out of hospital as fast as our legs could carry us because I think we were scared they would change their minds!)

But he does.

I’m not trying to give you false hope. I hated it when people did that for me. (Even though they were right.)

These days are terrible and you just have to get through them.

But what you will get from them is complete certainty. You won’t ever have to wonder if you gave up to soon.

I’m so sorry Op. Be kind to yourself.

(My exact situation:-
Yolk sac, feral pole, measurement of 24mm, no heartbeat. Until a few months before I went in the cut off was 20mm if no heartbeat but research had found that 0.4% of times with a measurement of 20mm were a viable pregnancy so they moved the cut off to 25mm. No viable pregnancies had been found of 21mm or more.)

Honestly OP, as someone who has been there I really AM glad in hindsight that I had that time with my baby. It seems ridiculous but I feel I got to know him a bit and I now have the comforting sensation that he's somewhere out there and will either come back to me or to someone else who will love him completely. I know that sounds really woo and silly but I have the strongest conviction that it's true.

Having said that it was the hardest thing I've ever been through and it felt endless at the time. I have so much sympathy for you, it's just fucking agonising. I do think you'll feel better knowing you did everything you could and knowing for sure it wouldn't have worked out - I was desperate for it to be over at the time but the what ifs would have killed me, especially as I struggled to conceive for a while afterwards (I did though). Having said that, I'm in NI where abortion is illegal so I had no choice but to wait - I don't know that I wouldn't have taken matters into my own hand had I been able to. I honestly don't know. But I'm glad I didn't.

Also you won't have to wait that long for a D&C - in NI they're not performed often so it took a while to be scheduled in.

Please PM me if you need a sympathetic ear who understands what you're going through.

Yanbu it’s a shit situation & I’ve been there more than once.

The worst was when it was apparent very early on that the pregnancy wasn’t going to end well (very low & non doubling bHCG at 4-5 weeks), but it kept growing just enough that they wouldn’t intervene. I ended up having an emergency ERCP & blood transfusion at 12 weeks after a huge bleed.

I know what a normal developing pregnancy looks like - both professionally & personally - this waiting is special kind of torture.

Best wishes OP it does suck big time.