To be sick of him making everything a rush

[QuestionableMouse]

Driving my dad to a medical appointment this morning. Appointment was for 11. It takes at least fifteen minutes to get into town (and that's not leaving time for traffic or to park). I planned to leave by 10:30 so we didn't have to rush.

He wanders off to talk to the neighbours at 10:20 ish. I assume he's ready. Dog manages to tip him water all over the kitchen floor so I sort that out and head to the car. Dad is nowhere in sight. It's now almost 10:30. He reappears from next door. I ask him if he's ready to go and he says no, goes into the house and faffs for ten minutes.

Anyway, by 10:40 we're in the car and the traffic is quite bad so he's complaining. Get to the doctor's with a couple of minutes to spare so drop him off at the door and go to find somewhere to park. Walk back to the doctor's and find out he'd stopped to chat on the way in and had missed his appointment time. This is all my a fault and I never stop nagging him.

Every single time we go out is the same.

I could have murdered him today.

Tell him an earlier time to be ready by?

Set an alarm 15 mins before he needs to leave the house?

I have every sympathy, I hate tardiness.

Tell him he can find his own way next time. Not being on time for it is bad enough, but blaming YOU for it is totally out of order.

An earlier time just results in more faffing on. He has it in his head that it only takes five minutes to get into town.... I pointed out that it's the best part of five miles with a 50/40 limit!

Sounds like time to give him the number of a cab company and leave him to it.

Yep - leave him to it.
He can get a taxi and it can all be on him.
Stop doing it and he can't blame you.
Simple!

Tell him to time it the next time you go in, and tell him that next time he makes himself late then blames you will be the last time you drive him in

It sounds as if he hates the doctors.
Does he do this if he is going to something he likes?
As pp has said , a cab would be a better option for him.
Your are not being appreciated by him, do you feel hurt that your efforts are not noticed?
He is unreasonable to blame you.
In his (wrong) opinion you are making him late so in theory he shouldn't ask you to take him anywhere again.

So tell him straight, the traffic is bad at certain times of day, finding parking space is difficult. You are taking the time out of your day to get him to his appointment, and it is really rude to mess you around and also the doctor and surgery staff by being late. It was not necessary to stop and chat to someone at the surgery, or to chat to the neighbour, and next time you will nag him and follow him around until he is ready and in the car, early.

I think it might be worth a word to his GP if this has always been a problem, but is getting worse. We all lose track of time occasionally, but if your dad is getting angry and blaming you for it there could be something else going on.

How old is he and does he have any health conditions, that makes him lose track of time/mind wander?

If not, stop taking him.

It's the same every single time we go out. He just loves to faff on!

Tell him to go on his own. My mum is forever late and it drives me insane. But

Yanbu. He's being pretty rude for someone that's being given a lift.

My DM used to be a bit like this; we'd go to a theatre quite regularly in a nearby city, I'd drive as she doesn't like motorways.

Me: "I'll pick you up at 4"

Arrive at house.

DM: "Oooooh, now you're here I'll just nip to the loo and get my bag ready"

Every. Single. Time.

Nope. No more lifts. You won't change his behaviour you can only change yours.

My dad is the opposite. He'll tell me to be at his house by 10 am for an appointment that begins at 1pm. He likes to get to the hospital a good two hours in advance, even though they repeatedly tell him not to. He enjoys hanging around in the waiting area trying to talk at the nurses who are too busy to give him their undivided attention. Everytime he needs help for a short appointment I end up missing an entire day of work.

Tell him he MUST get a taxi next time; you won't take him. And don't take him.

Make him organize himself.

Set your boundaries. Another option - tell him you will be leaving at 10.30, and if he isn't ready you'll leave and he'll have to make his own way. The important thing is that you have to follow through.

I worked for a while with someone like this, and eventually realised that she liked having people waiting around wondering where she was, thinking about her, then she'd breeze in as if nothing had happened. It's about control. If you're doing this, you're controlling other people's time and attention.

Let him get a cab. If you start to soften and feel sorry for him, remember he's doing it deliberately. He doesn't just 'like to chat', he's doing it to keep you dancing attendance on him.

He can drive himself but mam had their car and he's not insured to drive mine. He does exactly the same when he's driving somewhere too. Just endless faffing which drives me bonkers.

Does the faffing drive your mum bonkers too?

Yes, it does.

I have several family members like this, and have just recently realised they have ADD and that this is a symptom.

I would say something in the likes of... Dad, my time is valuable too, as well as the one of the doctors. I’m happy to give you a lift if you leave the house in time and focus on getting to your appointment in time. If you miss it again for lack of care, you will need to get a taxi next time).

And stand your ground.