Well I didn't handle that well

[Inthewrongcrap]

I'll keep it short.

Basically a friend who is flaky, lets me down and who I've caught out in lies.
We had a fallout a few weeks ago and they promised they wouldn't flake again.

I love this person but it's very trying at times. So friend planned to come round today after the fall out. I frustatingly rearranged plans (only day they could do).

I got a phone call about 10:30pm. Friends Dad is ill and they're en route to Milton Keynes. I'm medical....asked general concerned questions....but something didn't make sense. Friend got defensive and said some quite cold things.

It stung. I called them an arse and said that because there Dad is ill doesn't mean it's ok to talk, treat me like that.

I got....'Are you being serious' and phone put down.

I'm always in the wrong, always on the back foot with this person but feel shitty because Dad is ill.

Oh FGS. I have a Masters degree, I am in a health profession and quite often post with typos and sometimes (shock horror) get my your and you're mixed up. Not on purpose I know the difference, just if I am typing fast sometimes my brain doesn't compute quick enough.

If your friend is flaky OP, just take a step back and re-evaluate the friendship. If she is making excuses then I guess you will know soon enough. If the Dad was really ill, when you talk to your friend about it apologise and say that because of past flakiness you felt she might be bailing on you. Have an open and honest discussion. If she was lying, then back right away.

Well I’d say the past is irrelevant in this instance - this person is on their way to their sick father of course they had to cancel on you.

Not sure what you mean about something not making sense if you don’t think they’re lying. I’m not surprised they were cold if they thought you were ‘testing’ with your questions.

I’d say you need to apologise.

Maybe they’re politely trying to distance themselves from the relationship?

And they’re having their picnic over there helps with knowing which spelling to use.

Yes Trinity I also thought that was quite likely - either way, accidental or deliberate, it amused me!

And they’re having their picnic over there helps with knowing which spelling to use.

I'm pretty sure most people who type the wrong their or your know the differences between the different spellings, usually as pudding21 said it's just a case of accidentally mistyping, I've done it loads of times myself just by posting in a rush or whatever and unfortunately you can't edit your posts in MN

Yes Trinity I also thought that was quite likely - either way, accidental or deliberate, it amused me!

Me too

Rea spot on. I wanted to make sure all bases were being covered for her Dad.

Yes it can come across as inconsiderate. Yes I recognise that. Hence, feeling shitty

I wanted to make sure all bases were being covered for her Dad.

If you were asking her questions out of concern for how her dad was being treated then I don't see how you were BU

She may be flaky and a pain in the arse but you did come across as testing her, it doesn't matter that you're "medical", she wasn't talking to you professionally, she was talking to her friend. My dad was very ill a while ago, a few of my friends are nurses, I would have probably had a few choice words to say to them when I rang up to cancel going out if I felt interrogated.
I don't think either of you are getting much out of the friendship anymore.

Basically a friend who is flaky, lets me down and who I've caught out in lies.

I'd have dropped them already tbh.

I don't think you need to beat yourself up over this. Your friend has lied to you in the past on several occasions? And been caught out in her lies.

You've now lost trust in what she says and almost expect her to come up with an excuse not to meet up. I don't blame you for having some doubts.

There is a chance her father isn't ill. If so, that's low of her.
She was very cagey and defensive when questioned.

I think perhaps assume he is ill, send her your condolences and distance yourself from her a bit after this.

Trinity

Have you not read the Adam Kay book? He was reviewing notes and discovered that Caesarean was misspelled over 50% of the time. By obstetricians.

Implants I didn't feel I was interrogating him. But I do think I put my medical hat on unintentionally.

Ilost I think that trust has gone. Was hoping to rebuild it but maybe there's too much water under the bridge

There is the possibility of there being too much water under the bridge.

You can be insanely busy/stressed, but if you value people, you communicate that and ask to put things on hold for a while.

I don't think it was right you questioning him, as unintentional as it was. They don't have to make you privy to his medical information. He has a right to privacy and one missing detail can make something not make sense.

When I was going for MRI scans for lymphomas and tests etc, I didn't fully tell my DD's everything. i didn't see the point of worrying them. If they had been asked to explain things by someone who knew medical things, then it wouldn't add up.

Look at the pattern of interactions with her over time.

Even if this one time the cancellation had a genuine reason, the overall pattern counts more especially as she's lied to you more than once.

I think you have to regretfully let this friendship go. You mean less to her than she does to you ... you've been a loyal friend but she hasnt