To limit DDs access to such sites?

[BananaInVienna]

First time poster on this forum so I’m a little nervous about the backlash I may recieve, though I know that mumsnet tends to think along reasonable lines for such things. The thing is that I;m honestly really worried about what my DD is accessing on the internet in regards to transtrenders and how she should identify. She is fourteen and has ASD and I’m worried that bloggers she follows are sending bad messages about what it means to identify as certain gender and that she will want to follow them. When I say transtrenders ect, these are what I mean

transpositive.wordpress.com/
whatdoesenbymean.tumblr.com/faq
charlottebowyerwriter.com/pride-month-2018-lgbt-faq/
morfmanchester.blogspot.com/p/binder-scheme.html

These are just a few sights in her recent search history on her phone and she has recently expressed that she doesnt always feel 100% girl. The thing is, as I’m sure you know, ASD children are more prone to thinking their transsexual and I’m worried that letting her access these sites doesn’t help the matter. Should I limit internet access for a bit? What can I do to help her understand gendercritical feminism better? I feel a bit upset.

At 14 I think you are much better to discuss the issues with her than to try to limit her from accessing websites.

I know that it is popular on mn to suggest that certain site will somehow dupe your dc into being trans, but it is also possible that she is exploring her gender identity, and an attempt to stop that gives out a clear message about your perspective should she feel she is trans.

It's like in the 1980s when parents tried to stop kids from finding out about homosexuality. It didn't stop people from being gay, but it damaged their relationships with their parents.

I agree with Stompy, accessing a website won't 'make' anyone trans any more than it will make someone gay.

Yeah I also agree,limiting her access may only make her curiosity even stronger. Chat to her,even if she gets annoyed or doesn't want to hear...just try make it 'matter of fact',blasé sort of attitude,that your there for/if whenever she wants to chat about anything.

She's 14 physically but because of her ASD emotionally she is much younger - two-thirds of physical age is often suggested as a rough guide.

For the benefit of people responding who know nothing about ASD and are only thinking 'she's 14' please do bear in mind she does not have the emotional maturity of her peers and because she has a medical diagnosis, she has recognised significant deficits in three areas, impairments in imagination, social communication and social interaction (as well as lots of other things specifically to her). They will definitely affect the way she processes information on any issue.
The terms vulnerable and easily led often apply because of the emotional immaturity.

You cannot expect to treat her as you would any NT 14 year old girl and you cannot expect her to respond to any situation in the same way as a 14 year old NT girl.

I'd like to add that I disagree in that I think reading certain material can effect how you think, feel and act. Maybe not to the extent of being trans, but it is something to bear in mind, certainly. Take for example perfectly happy kids self-harming and falling into a dangerous cycle because they've seen it somewhere online.

Take for example perfectly happy kids self-harming and falling into a dangerous cycle because they've seen it somewhere online.

Slightly off topic but I have never seen a perfect happy child self-harm because they've read about it online and did it for fun. Although I'm sure there are children who seemed happy superficially and began self-harming

In terms of your actual issue I really think you should take your daughter's feelings seriously. That's not to say you suddenly start pumping her with hormones because she's expressed concerns about her gender but trying to dismiss the feelings she's having won't be helpful either. Why not find a source of information about gender issues that you can read through together. You say she's emotionally younger than 14 - even if she was only 8 or 9 it would still be appropriate to discuss the feelings she's having in an open manner.

If the feelings persist you should seek counselling for her from someone who has expertise in gender issues and ASD (as you say the two often go together).

I think limiting her access to these sites (which she's already seen anyway) will only make her feel ashamed. Why not find a balanced source of information that you feel will be useful for her and she'll be able to understand.

Having been a teenager in the Internet age my advice would be to go no Internet altogether. It never did anyone any good at that age. It isn't necessary for the majority of schoolwork and can be accessed at school for the times it is necessary.

If you limit her access she will just access it somewhere else.

You need to give and have given her the tools to critically analyse what she reads on the internet middlebury.libguides.com/internet

Also make sure she knows basic biology!

Perhaps offer her some alternative sites:

www.4thwavenow.com and www.transgendertrend.com are examples of gender critical, science based sites. There are more.

And whatever you do, steer her clear of Mermaids, which is a dangerous lobby group pressing for medical transition for children.

Also point out that not feeling like a girl is really common during our teens. Adolescence is hellish. I was heartbroken to discover I'd have to menstruate every month. Cried and cried.

At the moment there are far more girls than boys being seen at the Tavistock gender clinic. This appears to be partly social contagion and partly that girls are trying to identify their way out of the pornified and increasingly rigid ideas of femininity that are being plugged on social media.

Like others, I don't think blocking specific sites is going to do much. There are hundreds upon hundreds of sites, particularly on tumblr which you've listed.

I do think limits on the internet overall can be important particularly for more vulnerable young people. Being socially reliant on it does seem to increase the likelihood of falling into unhealthy groups (I think reliance on any one group can do that but the internet does seem to amplify it). Encouraging multiple groups and settings will help have a more rounded sense of things and of one's self. It's difficult, I have an autistic 13 year old and it's a lot of trial and error and some disappointment, but a mix of settings, quite limited internet time, setting aside time to talk about the issues going on has seemed to help his natural tendencies (which I had at his age) of focusing and trying to fit himself around one thing which I think is part of the issues within some of the identity trends we're now seeing.

Take for example perfectly happy kids self-harming and falling into a dangerous cycle because they've seen it somewhere online.

I am a MH nurse working with teenagers. I have never seen a perfectly happy kid self-harm, it simply doesn't happen. If you see self-harm then it may become more of a possibility than if you have never heard of the concept, but there has to be a problem for anyone to cross that boundary.

As I said on another thread, adolescents express their angst in different ways from generation to generation. When I was young it was eating disorders and class As. With my DC it was self harm. Now gender identity is the vogue.

Medical transition for children and adolescents is dangerous and unethical. The NHS recommends watchful waiting, as 80% of patients referred to gender clinics desist.

A lot of those who desist turn out to be LGB. The trans agenda is extremely homophobic, plus it seems that some parents prefer a trans daughter to a gay son. They can portray trans as being "born in the wrong body" whereas being gay is disgusting or against their religion.

Many thanks for the advice - I’ll give her some alternative sites and make sure that she knows I support her whatever