To please ask for your advice? Difficult situation.

[tootsandfloots]

Hi there, I'm not sure how to write this post and didn't know which topic to put it on, so please bear with me. I'll need to keep some details vague to avoid being 'outed', so I'm sorry in advance for that.

DF (fiancé) and I are engaged and are due to be married this year. We have one child together and are both young between the ages of 20-25. Recently, DF has been diagnosed with a chronic illness and, realistically, will end up in a wheelchair eventually (although that could be 40 years away). It's potentially genetic, his grandfather had it and died as a result in his late 50's.

He's taken this news very hard, he's so upset and is going through a crisis now. I'm so sad for him and for what the future holds as he'll slowly get worse as there's no cure, just treatment to slow it down.

This is where my question comes in. I've always wanted quite a few children. We're so blessed to have one but I long for another. I'm prepared to be flamed for this. I'm just not sure, with such an uncertain future, if this would be a ridiculous thing to consider? We already have one, so my way of thinking is that child/ren are already in the equation, so would it be ridiculous to have one more (knowing that I may well have to do the vast majority of the childcare etc) in spite of his diagnosis? DP also longs for one, perhaps more so than I, but I've been holding off as I'm not sure it's fair or reasonable. Due to the situation, it feels like a now or never moment, but I want to know if I'm being completely unreasonable for considering this. Any advice would be appreciated

What is your husband's diagnosed condition?

I think this is more about do we have a child knowing that child may inherit a disability and shorter lifespan rather than do we have a child with a potentially disabled parent. Any parent can become disabled or die so that's irrelevant iyswim.

Is there research into this illness? Can you talk to your DF's consultant about this? Is there a support group?

My FIL was diagnosed with MS just after my DH was born, they went on to have another child a few years later.

FIL is now in his 60s, my DH and SIL both in their 30s - My MIL, who is also getting on a bit, is the primary carer and she relies heavily upon them to help out - if it was just my husband there would be so much more pressure on him and he would struggle to juggle their additional needs as well as our new family.

I don't think you would regret having another child - the chance of them inheriting this illness is small (Any time you have a child there is always a small risk of something anyway!), and they will be an additional helper later on when you and your husband need it more.

I can’t believe the previous poster advised that having another child would equate to another helper. You don’t have children to burden them or for cheap servants That is one if the mistake selfish things I have ever seen written.

An additional helper what about there life and choices. I am frankly shocked.

You 100% anbu, you have your life to lead. I wouldn't think twice about it.