DS not read his school book.

[Bumble1830]

So, DS9 knows the rules, read his book for school before ps4, every single night he argues and argues but will begrudgingly read his 5 pages. Tonight, he just went on and on and on and on about not wanting to read, so I was like, whatever do what you want, so he did and went on ps4, now he's in bed worrying because he hasn't read his book and I won't let him do it now, explaining he had his chance earlier... Am I being mean? I do feel guilty.

I don’t think you should have let him go on the PlayStation but otherwise nope, lesson learned when he gets told off tomorrow and I bet he doesn’t do it again.

Could you let him read it in the morning? It'd be a pain to get him up early, but he's got himself in to a bit of a pickle and needs help to find a way out.

Ooh I would give him a second chance. That could backfire if the teacher doesn't have a chance to check.

If he's a worrier he's unlikely to make the same mistake twice and if he did try it on again you've got a ready made excuse "remember all the fuss at bedtime last time? Not going through that again so reading before PS4"

I would have unplugged the PlayStation
I don't understand why you let him go on it.
He ground you down and he has won.
Nip it in the bud. You reap what you sow. If you can't set boundaries at that age you have a long road ahead.

If you let him read it in the morning, it could set a bad precedent.

My advice is to stick with your plan and be consistent. He will have to learn consequences.

If my children don't do their homework, and there is no excellent reason for it eg being ill, very tired etc, then I take them to their teacher the following morning and land them in it. I'm very honest and say they spent hours avoiding/arguing/playing etc. They are young, 8&6, and have nightly reading plus subject homework.

It's only happened a handful of times, they have been so mortified it has worked well. There is something in reinforcing the connection between the school and home communication that flicks a switch that they can't behave like that at home either.

But we don't have electronics at home, no tv or computer games or tablets around. So they don't have something there like a very attractive PS to fight over. I'm not suggesting you get rid of your electronics, just that it may be easier for us as a tempting distraction isn't about. Just boring stuff here, so they may as well do homework

every single night he argues and argues

This would spell the end of the PS4 for quite a while until he learnt here.

You're being a pushover and a 9 year old is walking all over you.

Tomorrow night if he tries arguing tell him it is not up for debate and if he argues once more then you'll remove the PS4. Then if he does, unplug it. Do that every night the first time he argues about chores/reading/anything.

I would let him read it in the morning but I would also remove the power cable from the PS4 and tell him after he reads his book with no arguments for a week he can have it back.

Well this is what happens when you buy gaming console for children.

@Racecardriver how do you know it belongs to the child? We have a PS4, DS who's five plays on it occasionally but it actually belongs to DH.

I let him carry on and go on ps4 to teach him in a round about way that when he loses his playtime at school tomorrow because he has to read, he'll realise that you can't alway do what you want. Guess I miss judged that one then. Think lessons have been learnt all round tonight 😐

@mirme I forgot that adults actually play video games. I stand corrected.

Just a note of caution, if you don't read with him and then his teacher isn't concerned would that show him that it's unnecessary to read each night? It could make life harder!

Also, can I just add, it isn't always the ps4, I just used that as an example, it could be watch TV, go in garden on bike, whatever, he just doesn't want to read/do his homework etc and always argues and tries to get out of it, tonight was just too much, surely we all have off days? But points have been taken. Thanks all x

OP please please don’t let him do his reading in the morning. He needs to learn that his action (or inaction) has consequences. If you let him off he’ll realise he can walk all over you.

First rule of parental discipline: only make threats that you will follow through on. Otherwise they’re just empty words and your kids will pick up on that straightaway.

And what were you thinking letting him go on his PS4? What sort of message is that giving him? If you refuse to do your homework you’ll be rewarded.

You’re not mean, you’re completely soft! You’re setting yourself up for a lot of battles in the future.

Op, I may be harsh but I would have done the same as you.

'Do what you want then' and see what happens. My daughter is the same when it comes to food. It got to the point of saying fine don't eat your tea then but you're having nothing until supper (it got to the point of me making food for someone in the house at least every half hour/45 mins!!). She was hungry 20 mins later. Needless to say, without a good excuse anyway, she eats her tea every night because she knows she will 'suffer' otherwise.

Stick to your guns!!

I'd be more concerned that he's only reading 5 pages a day at the age of 9.

First off, I'd remove his console completely. If it's your console, I'd remove his profile, or lock it. There'd be no gaming for a child of mine who wouldn't read first, and I'm an avid gamer myself.

The console would remain off limits until reading was sorted.

Is he not engaged with what he is reading? Is it a chore? Does he need support?

@Bumble1830 i think you've done it right! He thinks he got what he wanted but is now stressing as knows he hasn't done the reading. Don't let him read tomorrow morning, and hopefully he'll learn his lesson that homework needs to be done each night

I'd find a way of mentioning it to the teacher as well so he really doesn't get away with it, tbh.

I found my very argumentative 9 year old reads best for me just before bed. He's a little tired and doesn't fight me on it.

As a little aside, am I slovenly by not reading with/to my 9 year old any more? I stopped around 7 years old. Do most people still listen to their 9 year olds read?

My ds (10) reads before going to sleep every single night. It's great to wind down and he's finding lots of books he likes to read rather than being forced to read. He isn't given specific books at school but takes his own in for reading time. If there is anything in a book he doesn't understand he bookmarks it and asks me. Reading is much easier when they get to read what they enjoy, not what they are told to read. At 9 years old I would expect your ds to be picking his own books, but you can go to a library together and try a range of books to spark his interest.
That all said, it is still homework and chores before anything else in this household after school. It's the same every day.

I'm a big believer in children learning the natural consequence of their choices, and I think it will do him good to feel the worry he's experiencing now that he hasn't done it. He's learning that you won't always be there to force him to make the right choice, and he might have to find the self discipline to choose to read even when he doesn't really want to.

We all do things differently, I don't think you've done badly at the parenting thing tonight.

I don't always listen to my 7 year old read. She brings home 3 reading books a week, plus a library book and we're 'encouraged' to listen to her reading three times during the week. However, she has no issues with reading (on the second from top band), is a fluent reader of anything and everything and I'm really not concerned that she'd not learning to decode or interpret anything.
However, if homework is supposed to be done, I do insist that it is. If it were not, then I'd be talking to the teacher and saying that despite me asking, DD had ignored me. She would then have to face whatever the consequences of that were.