To ask how you hold on to your patience ?

[Whisperingwinds]

DD is 6 and is going through a very argumentative phase and can have massive temper tantrums which is mostly her screaming - she is very apologetic later but when she is in flow - nothing works - I know ignoring is the best but it isn’t easy when you have a furious child stomping and screaming - if I leave the room she will follow me until she gets a reaction. Tell me how you manage to stay disconnected and calm? I really don’t want to be a shouty Mum or get dragged into her arguments as I know that only feeds it. Give me your best tips of coping when a tantrum/meltdown is in full flow

Hi Whispering, I just wish I had some tips - DS1 is only 3 but I get so frustrated and embarrassed if in public! I always used to think I was a calm person 😂 I have read to imagine Super Nanny or someone similar is watching how you deal with things, but I find it hard to remember in the heat of the moment! Good luck 🍀

I want to know the answer to this as well!

Can you give yourself a little pep talk in your head? Something like "I am the adult here and I'm choosing to behave like one"?

Then reward yourself afterwards. I don't like myself after getting into slanging matches with the kids either, so I really try to control my response.

It takes work, but it does get easier over time.

I was watching "would I lie to you" the other day and one panelist said he did "scatting" when he wanted to lose his patience - and it was true. I want to try this next time! He didn't mean with kids but it could work!

I start singing top 40 hits along with embarrassing dancing moves. (This only works if you are at home!) The louder the tantrum, the more 'into' it I get. Works quite well to take my mind off exploding and seems to bemuse/confuse/embarrass the heck out of the dc, which can reduce the duration of the strop. With the older ones, I often am.... just reading my book, just hang on a minute - I will talk about it when I have finished my chapter It can give some time for everything to calm down. Subsequent stroppy interruptions generate a bother now I've lost my place and I will have to read this page over again.

Barely.

I have an imaginary sip of coffee. Then another. Nice frothy cappuccino. Then another sip, place the cup carefully on the saucer. Have another sip... and so on!

Sometimes I even go and make myself one!

Think I’m going to try the scatting thing though!

What's scatting? The mic technique?

1. Join in, in an immensely ott theatrical manner.
2. Teach her to take herself off to her room and bash a pillow when she is about to lose it, then come back and try again when she is able to talk.

I read somewhere that bashing a pillow or using a punchbag or similar was not good for children as it causes an adrenaline rush and this need for adrenaline can become a habit, so tempers become even more frayed, to get that rush. Or something like that, can’t remember exactly, made sense at the time

When they are that far gone the adrenaline is already there. they can learn to recognise when they are on the way to that point, and intervene by removing themselves from the situation.

I tell them I will talk to them once they have calmed down and walk away. Also agree with pp.....starting to sing and dance like a loon helps

Thanks for the quick replies ! Singing st the top of my lungs it may be

I wish she would go to her room - I hear tried to get her to punch s pillow but when she is in a strop it feels like what she wants most is a reaction from me and I feel ashamed that she gets it - I really don’t like myself after I have behaved at her level - no one reallly wins then do they ?

Noise cancelling headphones op and then dance!

We have had a non stroppy morning but I am going to Keep my trusty noise cancelling head phones handy

Do you think she frightens herself when she’s in full-on meltdown? My daughter did, so I forcibly cuddled, rocked her and whispered sweet nothings until the screams subsided to sobs. She’s all grown up now, and, guess what, she doesn’t have tantrums!😀

Providing you NEVER give in to her ‘demands’, she will be the same!

And the other thing about public tantrums is that every other parent seeing it knows exactly how you are feeling, and utters a silent thankful prayers that their child has grown out of it!😀😀😀😀😀😀😀