To worry about DD's rigid thinking?

[Allfednonedead]

My DS(7) has recently been diagnosed with ASD. This came as no surprise, as I'd always known there was something going on with him.
At the assessment, the psychologist asked if we had any concerns about our DTs(5) and I said 'no', but DH pointed out that DT2 is very rigid in needing routine and familiarity, and has tantrums if things aren't 'right'.
Since he said that, I've started to notice it more and more, and I'm pretty sure it's got more intense.
This afternoon, she had a tantrum because the cupcakes I'd made didn't have enough icing on, which sounds like such a spoiled madam, but she was really distressed.
When she calmed down, she explained that she finds it upsetting when things are exactly as usual. 'I don't know why, but it makes me sad'. This is ringing all sorts of alarm bells for me, but I don't know if I'm just hypersensitive about it because of DS.
She seems to do well socially, but then so did her brother at this age. They're both very bright and articulate.
I can't work out if I'm being a neurotic mother, seeing problems where there are none, or failing my daughter by not recognising her issues and looking for support for her.

Firstly I don’t think you’re failing her, but given what you’ve written it’s worth having her assessed. Both my boys were diagnosed before my HV referred DD for diagnosis and it floored me that I hadn’t seen it.

Please don’t think you’re failing her though, as parents, we all do what we can with the best intentions. What you describe doesn’t sound like tantrums to me, it sounds like meltdowns. Totally different.

raise your concerns with school? Maybe - when you say rigid, she has clear expectations in her head about how things look and if it deviates from that, she struggles to handle it?

My DD is like that, nobody's ever mentioned ASD so it could be very mild that she'll grow into one of those adults that likes routine and to have a plan in her head.

I have a DD like that too, she gets very upset when out of her routine. DP usually drops her at nursery on Mondays but I did today and she had a proper, screaming meltdown. She also has huge tantrums over inconsequential things like her shoes being on the wrong feet.

We took her to see a child psychologist who said she was just highly strung!

Might be worth asking your GP for a referral if you are worried to put your mind at rest.