I've ended a coercively controlling marriage with a narc STBXH who has groped me in front of the children, driven at high speeds with us in the car (ds age 5 in front seat), emotionally and psychologically tortured me for 8 years resulting in two suicide attempts and self harm and now he is implying I have committed child cruelty to ds who has a neurological condition and physical limitations and who has a pretty bad food aversion by giving him cereal or a pouch for supper 2-3 times a fortnight in a bid to get something into him otherwise he won't eat anything at all. STBXH has pushed my poor son way beyond his capacity causing him huge distress and exhaustion and thinks he's the best Dad ever after 6 years of no interest. He has nearly 18 year old who has barely been here but who is now here every weekend for several nights without any word about it to me and she uses my en suite without asking me and just walks into my room. The atmosphere is awful and when I asked to ask me out of courtesy she kicked off and shouted at me saying she doesn't need to ask me as I don't pay anything. STBXH said I don't need to know when she's coming or going but I think it's courteous especially as he's given her a key without my knowledge. He has tried to threaten me after my solicitor wrote a letter outlining the reasons I want a divorce and my petition went in. STBXH wants to petition and has now put in a cross petition to a court in a different area. His is a very pathetic and spurious petition...like I'm disorganised and a bit messy etc.
He won't move out. The children are starting to be affected (dd breastfeeding a lot, ds asking to breastfeed again, he's getting angry and frustrated and the day STBXH took my son on a 3.5 mile walk he lost the plot and was screaming and hitting me in utter desperation. My heart broke) and I'm bring made to feel like a leech in my own home. I sit in the dark every night as I can't bear to see STBXH and now he's using his dd to create even more tension and discomfort. Ds asked to sleep in my room tonight and I said yes. If he needs to I won't stop it. Dh heard me go into my room where he had put dd to bed as she is in with me due to no room of her own and he just opened the door and walked in while I was in there to "find put what's going on" as he heard creaking. I said I was goingto bed. I have no sanctuary or privacy. He's been through my cupboards and belongings. He won't move out. I just don't know what to do. Women's Aid told me to get into a refuge 4 weeks ago. It is toxic and suffocating here and now he's using his daughter to perpetuate his financial and coercive control. They are both emotionally manipulative and say things to the dc like "if you love me you'll do x y z" or "I'll do/give you x y z if you hug/kiss me".
Help.