Sister’s illness and lack of communication

[Kovou]

Sorry this may be a long one. My Dsis has been having ongoing issues with her bowels and has organised a colonoscopy to see what the cause is.

For background our DF passsed recently from bowel cancer and she has been quite affected by this. However she has also been the sort of person who overreacts and is in hospital for various things every second week.

I rang her after a friend told me she was in hospital and checked on her. She told me that is likely to be a minor issue that kept reoccurring that may require surgery to fix or possibly bowl cancer, therefore a exploratory colonoscopy was required. She was quite tearful and I tried to comfort her by trying to make her laugh etc, which I realised didn’t go down well so changed tact and tried to reassure her.

My problem is since then I have tried calling her to see how she is and how it went by sending messages reminding her that I am here for her and no answer. It’s been about a week and she did say that she would call three days ago.

I feel like she has taken offence and is ignoring me. But for reference I don’t buy into the dramatics due to her lying about having cervival cancer four years ago, having bio-polar and other instances where she was tried to make something out of nothing.

She has put up on Facebook a rant yesterday about cancer and her real friends need to repost on FB which makes me worried that she may have bowel cancer.

Also we live in different states so can’t just visit her.

AIBU to be worried but annoyed that she won’t let me know??

Hi OP I deal with health over reactors in my life and it is draining. She probably does have something wrong with her bowels but it seems she's catastrophising and it's hard to know whats real and what isn't.

I think she's either upset by your response or that she thinks she's been 'found out' that she's overreacting for attention.

Just be there for her, don't rub it in if it's nothing. Maybe write her a letter saying sorry if you've hurt her, you hope she's okay, thinking about her and to get in touch when shes comfortable to.

Yes, you are unreasonable.

What the other pp said. You don't come across as an empathic person. That doesn't mean that you aren't, but that's how you come across.

Mmmm... This is a little more than tolerating someone over coffee being a bit more anxious than they should be....

OP was intending disrupting her entire life to support sister....

Your sister doesn't want you to contact her if she did she would have returned your calls and messages. Apologise to her making it clear you are there for her if she needs you, and then leave her well alone.

Don't worry about people saying that you're BU. They obviously don't have family members that are manipulative.
I too have family members that are in hospital every other weekend and it's always the worse case scenario. If they ever did end up with cancer I not sure I'd believe it. They cry wolf too often.

I feel like she's giving you the silent treatment at the moment because she's upset about your response. You didn't pander to her. Whether it turns out to be serious or not, you'll here from her when she wants something.

You've reached out to her, the ball is in her court now.

OP YANBU..i also have various family members and also a couple of friends that demand constant medical attention every other day for something different and it is absolutely draining.
I think everyone slating you should re read your post and realise not alot of people would uproot their lives to look after someone else's kids aswell as provide mental stability for both dcs and ds.

OP, YABU & YANBU. Yes, her overreacting to things is draining, and it can be hard to tell whether she is being overdramatic for the attention or whether she really is fearful. However, with bi-polar I think you really need to lean towards believing she is overreacting due to fearfulness.

It’s something our family does to lighten the mood

You had better work out whether your DSis does this or not. My DH and his family have a tendency to go overboard silly at certain times and it sets my teeth on edge. He's tried to do it with me and I have firmly told him to stop it. I don't like it, I don't enjoy it, and it sure as hell doesn't lighten my mood. Just because it's something your family has always done, doesn't mean that your sister does it and likes it.

When your loved one has died of cancer it's very easy to overreact. When I was 16 my grandfather was diagnosed with and died of Stage 4 lung cancer. From diagnosis to his death was about 5 months. Less than 3 months after his death, my father was diagnosed with cancer. His type was different and had a 98% cure rate, especially when caught early, which his was. It was still very hard.

As far as your sister goes, check with your provider, but if there is a family history of bowel cancer, in my area the recommendation is to have a colonoscopy every 5 years, starting 10 years before the age at which the person with cancer first noticed symptoms. (So if your dad noticed them at 60 you would start at 50.) I think it's not unreasonable for her to be proactive.

In your position OP I’d call her DH and ask how she was doing.

In think whether her
Issues are real or imagined , she is clearly suffering . In some way . It can’t be fun to always feel sick and wonder if you
Are going to die horribly

I think you might want to take a step back and think about your feelings around your Dsis and how you want to present to her ?