Sister upset about shower at friends house

[annebolinski]

I'm not sure what to make of this or what to say to her but my sister is upset.

Last night she stayed at at a friends house. Sister is 10 friend is 11. In the morning the friend went in the shower and then said dsis could go in. When dsis got into the shower (obviously naked) the friend and her mum came into the bathroom. She said the mum was telling her to turn the taps round or something but both of them were looking at her. I asked her about locking the door and she said there wasn't a lock.
She said she was trying to hide and was really embarrassed that they both were looking at her naked. She's been a bit upset since she came home. I think they were in the bathroom about a minute from what's been said.

Do you think it's weird that they both went in? I don't know wether something should be said to the mother about it.

I don't think your are bring OTT at all, it was an utterly stupid thing to do. No matter how comfortable you are naked in your own house around your own family you realise that not everyone is the same and you simply do not walk in on a guest in the bathroom, ever!

Would I say anything? Possibly not as I think it was more stupid than there being anything too it but I would talk to your ds and tell her it would have been perfectly fine to say "please leave me alone while I shower, I do not want an audience thank you" or similar

I would just speak to the mother and say that it made your sister uncomfortable as she has privacy at her own house.

Sometimes people forget boundaries - 10/11 is about the age they start wanting privacy so sometimes people get things wrong at that age when looking after other peoples children especially if they have known them a long time.

Every adult knows it it is not is ok to walk in on someone else's naked 10 year old.
No p[oint saying anything because the mother is not going to admit being a perv, but make sure your sis never goes to the house again.

I think the fact that there was no lock on the bathroom door is probably indicative of their attitude to nakedness. Some families are happy to have people wander in when they’re using the bathroom and others would die rather than be seen naked by anyone - even their own children. In this case it certainly sounds weird that both of them felt the need to come it - surely they could have shouted through the door when it was ajar rather than actually coming into the room? I think in your case I wouldn’t make a fuss about it .... play it down so it doesn’t become some big drama with her friend but as a PP has said equip her with some confidence to say “ there’s no lock on the door - can you make sure no one comes in please”

We are very open about being naked in our house (me and 2 dd’s) but if they had a friend over this would not be exceptable and we would respect other people’s privacy.

It sounds like the friend told your sister to have a shower. Saw Mum - told her. Mum went did you explain the taps to her. friend says no. Mum sighs and goes in to explain (with friend for safety) explains and then leaves

even if they are quite relaxed about nudity as a family, they would anticipate that others would want their privacy. What exactly was the issue with the taps?

I would read it as occuring like @Quartz2208 said above and the mum was trying to be safe. She ought have knocked though and given Dsis chance to wrap a towel around her.

But as you don't want it to happen again, for Dsis's sake, maybe when you thank the mum for having Dsis, mention you appreciate how kind they were and "just to help you be aware Dsis is at the age where she is very private, so can they knock so she can put towel over her as she really doesn't like people outside her family seeing her naked and said she felt a bit awkward". I would try to keep it a soft explanation.

Next time Dsis will be super aware there is no lock on door so probably would be very reluctant to shower there again anyway!!

Normal in my family, not normal in dh but hes getting alot less up tight now. However it sounds like dsis wasnt confortable with this so op have a quiet word with your sis friends mum.

Come on, 10/11 year olds are embarrassed about their bodies and want privacy, and this was a gross invasion of that privacy! They were completely out of line and it’s clear why your DD was upset. There’s almost certainly nothing sinister in it, but I would mention to the mother that DD was embarrassed/uncomfortable, and you value privacy at home etc

We don't have a lock on our bathroom and DH, DS(10) and I often walk in if we need something while one of the others is in the shower.

But neither I, DH nor DS would think it was even remotely acceptable to walk in on one of DS friends in there!!

It's very bizarre imo.

It’s not up tight to not want to be seen naked in the shower! Especially if you’ve just started puberty.

Even if it was ok in their family, she’s not a member of their family.

Tell your sister it’s ok to feel upset about this and help her think about what she’d do if she’s ever in a similar situation again. Her body belongs to her and she controls who gets to see it and who doesn’t.

I see 10 year olds as children so I would probably do this! But then I am in the relaxed about nudity camp...

Not acceptable. Total lack of boundaries. It doesn't matter if they run about butt naked at home - your sis was a visitor and should have been given privacy and courtesy.

Can't begin to imagine why people dont have locks of toilets - at least for guests to use.

@BigPinkBall made a very sensible post and advice.

would you al e making these excuses if a dad had walked in on your naked 10 year old and 'stared'

Notcontent

It’s irrelevant if YOU are relaxed about nudity - you should understand and respect that others might not be and behave accordingly/not just assume.

Being relaxed about your nudity has fuck all got to do with this you don't get to be relaxed about other people's nudity!!

I think any ten year old would be upset about this.I also think any adult should know It's unacceptable! Regardless of nudity 'norms' in their family!

i dont blame her for being upset. they showed no consideration. they probably thought it was ok to come in and check the taps but they should have respected her wishes for privacy