Dads - All Rights, no Responsibility?

[Highlandheath]

Just looked on the Gov.UK website, and realised that my ex, who is a Great Enforcer when it comes to his Parental Rights, fails in ALL AREAS of Parental Responsibility.
The Government states on their Gov.UK website that Parental Responsibility requires that

1. You provide a home for your children (he does not, I do)
2. He protects and maintains the children (he does not, I do)
3. Supports them financially whether he has PR or not (he does not, I do)
4. Disciplines the children (he does not, I do)
5. Chooses and provides for the children's education (he does not, I do)
6. Agrees to child's medical treatment (has been known to disagree, otherwise he does not, I do)
7. Looks after the children's property (he does not, I do)

AIBU to think given his failure in all key areas of Parental Responsibility, his Parental Rights should be forfeit?

YANBU
Its shit.. dads should have to earn PR by actually being dads in more than just biological terms.
Just lets abusers get away with more abuse the way its set up now. Many abusive men just use PR to exert control and have no interest in the welfare of their child. If they arent meeting the basic responsibilities towards a child they shouldnt be included in decisions regarding the child.

he can block the children attending school

He does not have a right to prevent his children getting an education. Please show me where this “parental right” is stated? All children are legally entitled to an education.

He has a right to contact with them

No he doesn’t. they have a right to contact with him. The right to contact belongs to the child.

but this does not come with a Responsibility to ensure that they attend GCSE exams while in his care, or even school, period!

Yes it does!! He has a legal responsibility to ensure his children attend school. Just because he didn’t do it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the responsibility to do it.

Had a few questions about The Rights of the Great Enforcer and how he has used them..... Sorry if this appears twice, and looking at the threads it seems there are a lot of other Great Enforcers out there, who Have Parental Rights and Know How to Use Them! What rights does he have? He has full parental rights, so, for example, he can block the children attending school, without fulfilling his parental responsibility to find them an alternative..... In my case this led to one of my children being out of school for a whole year when there was wonderful provision available to him which he refused consent to - my son is still suffering as a result of this, a year behind in his education, he used his Parental Rights to insist another of my children remain in a school where he was deeply unhappy for 18 months, while there was a place for him available at another school for that period. In the end I had an "off line" conversation with my son, asking him to tell me honestly where he wanted to go, he made his views clear, and I told him "this conversation didn't happen, but now I am going to move you to X school, and if Dad sues, then I will take the bullet", he made threats, but in the end didn't sue, and my son is very happy, and doing much better at his current school - shame he couldn't go there a 18 months before.... He also used his Parental Rights to write to the head of the school to which my daughter wished to go, stating she did not qualify. He used his rights, but did not come up with or offer any alternative educational provision.... except in one case, the alternative educational provision he suggested cost £90k a year..... Sooooo, not really in my budget, and he pays no Child Maintenance, or anything mundane like that, so he wasn't going to pay. Just to be clear, the schools I selected were all State - so no need for him to pay anything towards them, and all the schools are outstanding, so no objections based on quality of education - just being THE GREAT ENFORCER he was using his Parental Rights in these cases to maintain control, and to perpetuate abuse - and yes, the children suffered immensely from his actions, but that's not the point, he has his Parental Rights and he's going to use them!!! In relation to two of my children I had to get permission in Court to send the children to the schools they wanted to go to, and that was by no means easy, the Judge had clearly never been near a state school and had no idea that you can't keep places at any outstanding school you choose for any length of time... so at one point she told me I should go away and come back with three alternative schools for the Great Enforcer to choose from, because I have nothing better to do than act on the whims of the Great Enforcer!!! It took some really tactful and careful explaining to make her understand that it doesn't work like that. On dentists, he just refused to let the children go to the dentist they had always gone to, because: reasons.... I had to find another NHS dentist, at the moment he isn't throwing his Enforcement Powers around on that, but there's time, and I anticipate when he is bored one day that he will object to that dentist and oblige me to find another... and so on..... He has a right to contact with them, which I don't object to, but this does not come with a Responsibility to ensure that they attend GCSE exams while in his care, or even attend school, period! With the result that one of my children had multiple truancies while the Great Enforcer exercised his Parental Right to Contact, but as the parent who has residency the Truancy Officer could only fine me.....Which is a bit of a result for a Financial Abuser!!! Hope you get the picture! My Parental Rights seem to be restricted to asking the permission of the Great Enforcer before I do anything relating to the children.....

Unfortunately, in practise, as you can see from these threads, PR HAS been used by my children's Dad, to block the children from going to the schools of their choice - with no alternative provision suggested. One of my sons had his first GCSE exam this May, his father took him to Bordeaux to see Paris St Germain play instead..... During contact, if a father asks for contact via the courts, he will get it, regardless of what the Children want, it is deemed paramount, and in the children's best interests whether they like it or not, and in my case, whether or not he encourages them to truant, or even, in the case of the missed GCSE exam (which my son will have to now resit next year, providing it doesn't interfere with contact with his father) makes it impossible to attend school, therefore forcing him to truant..... The number 21 bus which takes him to school doesn't run from Bordeaux on a Monday.....! In reality, as far as the Truancy Officer was concerned, even though I could demonstrate that all truants only ever took place during contact with the father, as the Resident Parent, the fine sat with me.... There is huge gap between the words on your post, and the reality I have lived - yes one of my children DID NOT GO TO SCHOOL for a YEAR because his father REFUSED CONSENT FOR HIM TO GO.... That happened!!!! And while there are not steps taken by any authorities to ensure that these responsibilities are fulfilled by BOTH parents, then we still have a situation where for Dads it's all rights and no responsibilities. Don't even get me started on CAFCASS, there are two well researched, reports by Rights of Women, entitled 20 and 19 child homicides, all detailing the murders of children by their fathers because the Judges deemed the child's "Right to Contact" with the father, outweighed the child's risks, and objections to contact with the father.... Its semantics to insist that the right to contact lies with the child, when the child has no say in whether contact takes place.... In reality in these cases the father's right to contact - semantics aside - and the father's ability to get legal representation and a judge to enforce that contact, better describes the reality.

Sorry, your child is 16? No court will force a 16 year old to go to France with his father during his GCSEs. Once they are around 13 the court takes into consideration the child’s own wishes regarding contact. A 16 year old cannot be bound by the terms of any court order for contact because the contact is for their benefit and it is their right to exercise. Your 16 year old wanted to go to France.

You’ve left an awful lot out of your posts. There is far more to this.

£4 billion pounds in unpaid Child Maintenance - on CMS figures alone, 98% of non payers are fathers..... Dads - All Rights No Responsibilities! I am not being unreasonable!

Zibbidoo: I didn't state that the Court had forced my son to go to France with his father, just that his Father had decided in his infinite wisdom he would take him to France to watch the match despite being aware that my son's first GCSE exam was in Fulham, on the very same day that PSG were playing in Bordeaux..... Now given the choice between a GCSE exam and a football match in the South of France, most 13 year old boys (he is 13, I have three children, my older son is 16) would choose the Game. I did not have time to take anyone to court to stop this because I didn't know he was not at school on the Monday of the exam until I got a call from the school.... Cos, of course, I'm the Primary Carer and the one whose Parental Responsibilities are, er, responsibilities.... Now I know it's important to you, for whatever reason, to argue that the Family Courts are equal and unbiased, and Fathers for Justice are a lovely bunch of daddies who just want to see their children, but please bear in mind that at the moment on CMS figures ALONE (not taking into account the old CSA figures) there are currently £4 BILLION pounds of unpaid maintenance outstanding, and 98% of the none payers are Fathers.... That's before you take into account the numbers for parents who don't bother going through the CMS... Adjust your prejudices before leaving!

I worry about this with my youngest, her Dads never seen her. Job bounces so he doesn’t have to pay child maintenance, bailiffs got nothin from him, liability order was useless. My eldest DDs Dad has said he would fight tooth and nail to have my DD as she’d need to stay with her sisters after losing me, for consistency stability etc. He’s a great Dad to our DDs and my DD adores him. But I don’t think it would be that simple

yes, chiming in. My children's father was abusive (verbally, emotionally and financially) he was controlling and manipulative and he insists on his rights but you cannot make him take responsibility. He feels hard done by as well.

Yep and they can back at any point after doing fuck all seeing no one paying nothing and demand their rights

So yes, when offered a football match instead of a GCSE exam my 13 year old football mad son DID want to go to France, however as a Responsible Parent, his father should have behaved responsibly and not tempted him with a trip to see a football match on the date of his first ever GCSE exam.... Maybe. Or do you thing IABU? In this situation what recourse do I have? Go back to court, again? The costs would be punitive, to me, but not to the father and its too late to stop him missing his exam, the damage is done

Feeling pretty hacked off today. Just received two letters, one from the CMS which says that they have received a letter from my MP and are doing their very best to ensure Child Maintenance is paid, and another from HM Courts and Tribunals Service, which says "HMCTS has requested a written response to the appeal from the CMS" this is an appeal by a multi-millionaire Trustafarian who is also high earning, but self employed against paying any Child Maintenance. The HMCTS letter continues "The time limit expired on 14 06 2018. They have not done so and nor have they asked for the time limit to be extended... To the Secretary of State for Work & Pensions/CMS Within 21 days of the issue of this notice please send to HMCTS a copy of your written response to the appeal". The CMS have done NOTHING and they've missed the effing deadline..... FFS!

I believe the term is vexatious litigant

People who use the law to punish and control
My sister ex spent 4 years trying to get contact with her older boy (nothis) remarkable not the younger who was actually his he won has it was deemed in his best interests so he used to come get the older one not his son while leaving the baby who was his son with my sister

That went on for two years until older one finally said I don’t want to go turned 14 so couldn’t be forced then fought for 2 years to see the baby whom he at that point hadn’t seen for 4 years and the judge didn’t even care that he had behaved like this and a clear attempt to barnkrupt my sister and piss her off
Of course he doesn’t work

He won after two weeks of seeing the baby stopped turning up disconnected his phone moved house

Then after 7 months took her back to court to resume his contact they haven’t heard from him since

My sister was told she didn’t tried hard enough to find himtold she could of hired a PIhowever he was never asked were the fuck he has disappeared to like fucking Lord Lucan

Highlandheath Totally agree a lot of parents who have children in care do this object because they can

One classic one is refusing to bring them
Home after a contact

Or refusing to allow you to leave the country so you can’t go on holiday

Mine tried to object to my dh getting step parental responsibility and was outraged he wasn’t informed when the mediation person pointed out that if he insists on keeping his phone number address private from me then how would I be able to inform him

I totally agree and also think children should be able to sue them for neglect when they become 18.

AngelsSins Also I think you should be able to apply to the balifs at the court to start the removal of goods for non payment of maintenance

Also I think like in the states you should not be able to get re married

If you can’t afford one family you definitely can’t afford two