Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think these people were horrible at this woman's party

16 replies

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 10/06/2018 12:51

So i made a new friend (known her a year).

Shes had a really rough time. Abusive husband, aggressive divorce, two kids, finally she moved into her own little place with the kids and its not a nice place but shes really tried to make it look great and add her own touches.

So she decides to hold a party to celebrate the end of the rough times and her new home.

She invited 30 people and spent the whole day cooking stuff - only 10 people came.

I arrived and she introduced me to everyone including her "best friend" who was a really loud quite irritating "life and soul type".

Half an hour after the party starts we're all in the garden and best friend summons my mate out into the garden and starts chanting speech speech speech and harrassing my mate into telling us all how much it means to her that we came, new chapter of life etc. My mate starts crying as she says this, as you would after such a rough past few years. Just thought it was inappropriate to strong arm her into doing that so early on in the evening.

Literally an hour later her best friend leaves which i found unbelievable.

After that people quickly started trickling off as soon as they had finished eating. So we got there at 8, by 11 everyone had gone.

AIBU to think thats quite mean?

Some people didnt even stay for rhe cake she made.

OP posts:

Blondie789 · 10/06/2018 12:55

I think 11 is a reasonable time for a party to end but maybe I'm just a boring bastard

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 10/06/2018 12:56

How long are people supposed to stay? 11pm would be enough for me no matter how much I liked the host.

ScreamingValenta · 10/06/2018 13:02

It was rude of 20 people not to turn up. The 'speech' thing sounds well-meant; possibly insensitive if your friend is known to be shy. 11pm sounds a reasonable time for it to end. If it were my gathering, I'd be starting to worry about upsetting neighbours after that time. Like @Blondie789 I'm another boring bastard, though! .

noeffingidea · 10/06/2018 13:07

Agree about the 20 people not turning up, but this seems to be normal nowadays, as if people just can't be arsed to socialise any more. Did they let her know they weren't coming, or did they just not turn up?
As for it ending at 11, I think this is quite likely if there's not many people there.
Sorry for your friend though, hopefully she enjoyed it and appreciates the friends who did turn up, yourself included.

Original poster

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 10/06/2018 13:09

The 20 not turning up was so fucking rude! She'd made all this food too

OP posts:

SoddingUnicorns · 10/06/2018 13:11

20 not turning up was very unfair.

And I’d assume as a “best friend” they should have known that public speaking and rehashing a painful ordeal wasn’t something that her friend would want to do.

How deflating for your friend, I hope she’s ok.

ScreamingValenta · 10/06/2018 13:13

I hope the food was stuff she could eat herself over the next couple of days . It sounds as though you are a good friend to her, at least - the main thing is that she felt like celebrating after a horrible year. Hopefully she'll look back on the party as the start of a new and better phase in her life.

longlostpal · 10/06/2018 13:14

Did all 30 accept? Yes it’s rude that they didn’t show. Other than that, I don’t think any of it sounds bad. I agree that insisting on a speech sounds a bit much, however surely the friend meant well, and she may even have known that the host wanted to say these things to the guests and would not have done so without some prodding.

Original poster

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 10/06/2018 13:15

@longlostpal
True, didnt consider that

OP posts:

PlateOfBiscuits · 10/06/2018 13:23

I think 11is a perfectly acceptable time to leave.

farangatang · 10/06/2018 13:24

Rudest thing is saying you will attend, and not bothering to show. SOOOO annoying, and sadly seems to be an increasing trend (or maybe people just don't like me!)

Hope your friend settles well into her new home and can move forward from her horrible ordeal.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/06/2018 13:30

I think 11 is okay too. 5 hours is enough partying for me these days.

stressedoutpa · 10/06/2018 13:30

Was she upset they didn't turn up/left early?

Perhaps she also needs to overhaul her friends? You sound really nice. Is that something you could guide her on? One of my friends put up with a terrible job/boss for years. It took quite a long time to persuade her she could do much better!

likelyLilac · 10/06/2018 13:31

The time to leave is entirely dependant on what sort of party it was going to be, in my friendship group parties tend to go on till the early hours (quietly and inside don't worry) but in some places 11 is a bit late. I think with starting at 8 I would expect some to leave around 11 but many to stay til at least 12, only 3 hours at a party seems a bit odd to me if you don't have somewhere else to be (child care, work in the morning ect.) Then again I'm a big fan of parties and my social group is mainly night owls.

SnuggyBuggy · 10/06/2018 13:33

Probably time for her to rethink who her real friends are

ohtheholidays · 10/06/2018 14:18

Your friend sounds lovely and I'm sorry she's been through so much shit(I went through the same)she should be very proud of herself though for getting through it all making a nice home for her and her family and you sound like you've been a great friend.

The lack of numbers and not letting your friend know is shit and it seems to be the norm now for so many people now(just look at all the threads where poor Mum's and Dad's have spent a fortune on a child's party and then been struggling to get the RSVP's in)I think people who don't let people know in general must be people that have no idea what goes into throwing a party.

I think 11pm is an okay time,maybe your friend should have got the cake out a bit earlier?

As long as she had a good time that's all that matters.

Flip