Posting for traffic as the mental health boards are quiet.
Can grief suddenly kick in four years after losing a partner? The father of my four young children died in a car accident four years ago. I’ve coped by keeping busy, shutting it out to a certain degree and have had counselling. I thought I was doing well moving forwards with my life and met what I thought was a kind genuine man who I adored a year and a half ago, he was actually manipulative and played constant mind games to keep me under his control. I was never treated as a proper partner, more fwb but with daily contact. I thought this would change in time, stupid I know. To cut a long story short he ended things nearly three months ago by ignoring my calls and texts. He’s now apparently committed to someone new who was in his life all along and more of a priority than me. He dropped me to be with her officially and was seeing us both for sometime.
I’m worried about myself as I’m struggling to cope. My sleep is poor, appetite is non existent, hands tingly, chest pains, headaches, my concentration screwed, I feel constantly anxious and panicky and always have a feeling of dread. I’m trying to keep distracted with the kids, reading, tv, but it isn’t working. I don’t get on with anti depressants. I have tried several in the past and kept being taken off them as an emergency due to black thoughts, severe anxiety and hallucinations. I’ve been warned by a consultant (who I had to see for a different issue with my daughter) to not take them again. I’ve started counselling again and my counsellor thinks it is delayed grief rather than depression but I’m not sure. I’ve never felt so hopeless about my future. Losing this new man especially with no explanation or warning has made me miss my children’s father so much. It feels like everytime I build a future, it gets snatched away without warning. I’ve tried talking to the small family I have left about how I’m feeling but they are uninterested and too busy to babysit for a few hours.
I’m not sure where to go from here. My brain won’t switch off and constantly tries to find answers as to why my messages were unread, why I wasn’t good enough, what I did wrong. Lack of explanation is driving me mad yet I can’t find the answers anywhere because I’m ignored. I just want to feel better again but don’t know where to start.