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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

IAprobBU - ‘treat you better’ song

7 replies

Rinoachicken · 10/06/2018 10:11

Prepared to be told IABU here, please advise me!

My DS is 8 and plays in a school band (outside people come in and teach the kids drums, guitar etc, form them into bands). He loves it.

The song they are doing this term is ‘treat you better’ by Shaun Mendes. As I usually do I downloaded the song for him and we listen in the car, he’s learnt all the words etc.

But here’s the thing. I HATE the song. It’s about a girl who’s in an abusive relationship, and Mendes is singing that she should be with him instead, he’d treat her better etc. The video is a narrative of the same ( )

It’s been lauded as an amazing ‘empowerment’ song, raising awareness of domestic abuse etc. But when you actually listen to the lyrics, and the message - thats not what I get from it at all.

What I get from it is yes, this girl isn’t in an abusive relationship, but then there’s Mendes telling her HE knows what she needs better than she knows herself, telling her it can stop ‘anytime she wants it to stop’, (victim blaming?), that she’s wasting time, wasting tears, when she should be with HIM. It’s all about him and what HE wants, what HE thinks is best for her. Like she can’t possibly survive by herself she needs a man in shining armour to rescue her and then take care of her. How about just supporting her to get away and then LEAVE HER BE TO RECOVER. I can’t help thinking that he’d be just as abusive a boyfriend as her last one!!

Now here’s for why I’m probably BU. I separated from my exH nearly 3 years ago now because of domestic abuse. I accept this is probably colouring my hearing of this song.

Would I be totally batshit to say something to school?

Help me!

OP posts:
KittyHawke80 · 10/06/2018 10:34

I probably wouldn’t say anything, but I agree with you inasmuch as I hate all those unbearably naff ‘Who hurt you, gurl?’ songs. They make me want to claw at myself, screaming. Well, ish. I think school bands should be playing the theme from ‘Van Dee Valk’, anyway.

RoseanneBarred · 10/06/2018 11:03

YABU and overthinking - you have probably spent more time on that than he did writing the song Wink

SweetCheeks1980 · 10/06/2018 11:05

I quite like Shaun Mendes. It's just a pop song 🤔

Lethaldrizzle · 10/06/2018 11:10

Aren't the words something like 'you deserve a gentle man'? And whilst I agree with you to some extent I think that part is a good message because girls/women do deserve gentle men!

sunnydaynoworking · 10/06/2018 11:15

Have read the lyrics and can’t see anything to show the man is an abuser. He isn’t a gentleman (well maybe he farts in front of the telly and doesn’t open doors) and she cries a lot, well that can happen for lots of non-abusive type incompatibilities. She might just be staying from the sunken costs idea.
There are lots of songs that are awful in terms of the message about women and you’d be right to complain, but I do think in this case it’s not as bad as you (understandably given your experience) feel it is. Still shite though.

Newmanwannabe · 10/06/2018 11:25

Yes. DD 12 was singing “shape of you” by Ed Sheeran. It’s a nice tune. But it sounded so wrong her singing it. I didn’t say anything though as I didn’t want to turn it into an issue

Rinoachicken · 10/06/2018 14:14

Thanks all Smile

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