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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

With friend who made this comment

34 replies

Stormtrooper1986 · 10/06/2018 09:23

I work with a colleague and I am very good friends with her, we often socialise outside of work and I have been there for her when she has been going through issues with her family and partner.

I am currently on maternity leave and had my DS 6 months ago. I will be looking to go back to work but not for some time and when I do I will be lucky enough to go back on to a flexi contract meaning I could work say 32 hours over 3/4 days instead of my usual shift work. This has not yet been agreed with work yet but it likely will be .

I mentioned to her during a conversation that there were other positions in the company that I would like to apply for that are more specialised and she replied

‘I don’t think those who work part time or flexi should have the same opportunities as those that work full time ‘ Shock

I immediately said you cannot discriminate against those who work flexi and they have to give them the same opportunities, and she said it wasn’t fair if they did!

I know this may seem quite trivial but I was very miffed and just changed the subject

Aibu to be annoyed ??

OP posts:
echt · 10/06/2018 09:26

No you are not wrong to be annoyed.

Do not ever ever discuss your work ambitions. Not ever with her, possibly with no-one except your line manager.

Original poster
Stormtrooper1986 · 10/06/2018 09:29

Thank you , she has been soo supportive of my pregnancy and ds so this comment threw me , I kinda wished I’d asked her more about why she felt that way but it wasn’t the best place to and I didn’t fancy starting a whole debate about it , I will just let it go though as it’s not down to her (luckily) whether I get any of the other jobs .

OP posts:
flumpybear · 10/06/2018 09:34

She's wrong, if the job lends itself to part time and / or flexible working then she's wrong!

Ididnothearthat · 10/06/2018 09:39

She is wrong to say you should not have same opportunities but some jobs may not work with flexi time due to nature.

E.g i had a job that involved legal deadlines and if missed could take to tribunal/judicial review. The manager worked 2 days a week and process meant manager signed the final document. Unfortunately manager could not keep up with legal deadlines and always playing catch up.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 10/06/2018 09:44

Another vote for not discussing your ambitions with colleagues in the company again! However IME it’s almost impossible to progress or get promotion on a part-time contract. In many places it does seem to be seen as a lack of commitment, which totally stinks.

altiara · 10/06/2018 10:00

YANBU to be annoyed! Yes you should have the same opportunities but each job will be different and may/may not be able to have a part timer for various business reasons. Most job roles aren’t advertised as part time but 32 hours sounds a good amount of hours to be able to do many roles.
Either way, she’s wrong as you would still have the opportunity to go for a role even if the outcome is that specific job role would need you to increase your hours/be less flexible.

ReservoirDogs · 10/06/2018 10:15

Definitely should have the same opportunities - but and a very important but - should also have to accept that some of the more senior roles in certain jobs/professions may require more flexibility over availability to other members of staff or clients and therefore a part-timer/flexi worker who choses to be absent from the office on certain days may not meet the criteria for certain promotions. Therefore this should be a factor to consider themselves when seeking promotion (whether they are male/female).

Original poster
Stormtrooper1986 · 10/06/2018 10:25

At my company due to the nature of the shift work flexi is not that uncommon and both males and females do it , and in some cases flexi actually benefits the different roles . My full time hours would be 40 hours a week so I’m only down 8 hours and eventually I will go back full time .
Thank you everyone , I really thought that maybe I was missing something or if I really shouldn’t be going for other roles xx

OP posts:
Caribou58 · 10/06/2018 10:29

She's entitled to her opinion, I suppose.

Just as you're entitled to put her straight.

TheActualRealCinderella · 10/06/2018 10:32

32 hours is basically full time anyway.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 10/06/2018 10:35

32 hours is basically full time anyway.[

No, it’s a day short!

WhoWants2Know · 10/06/2018 10:37

It's a bit of a narrow minded view, in that specialist work is often niche and there may not be enough of a workload to justify a full time position.

SurfingSally · 10/06/2018 10:41

32 hours is basically full time anyway

No, it’s a day short!

What's 'full time' is subjective and varies.

Where I work full time contracts are 35 hours so I would agree that 32 hours is nearly full time.

ReservoirDogs · 10/06/2018 10:43

So subjectively a person may need to increase their hours if they want to be considered for roles with more responsibility - that is the point - not what does constitute full time.

mostdays · 10/06/2018 10:45

How sad for your friend to be that sort of person.

Beamur · 10/06/2018 11:03

I'd agree that some jobs might not be suitable for people working flexibor part time. But, your friends attitude is inherently sexist because the majority of reduced hours working is taken by women.
It is more often a woman, although sometimes a man, who works part time to fit in other caring roles (kids, older parents) but this also enables a man to continue full time...
Writing off part timers in this way is short sighted for businesses who may be missing out employing fabulous staff who for whatever reason aren't able to commit to full time. Plus, if you discriminate against people having the cheek to breed, where is the next generation of workers/pension funders coming from?
Have little debate with your friend if this comes up again!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2018 11:14

Why are you wasting energy being annoyed about something so trivial? She has her opinion. You disagree. She has no bearing on what position you may be offered, so why care what she thinks?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/06/2018 11:17

It all sounds a bit sketchy. You're not going back to work for some time, your part time flexi contract hasn't been agreed with work, neither have the days or hours and you're considering applying for promotion?

Isn't it all a bit pie in the sky?

Maybe your friend would love to have a flexi time contract but can't for whatever reason so feels a bit resentful? Maybe she thinks you're getting a bit ahead of yourself? Maybe she's applying for the specialist positions and wants to cull the competition. Grin

I'd let the comment go and not stew over it.

Original poster
Stormtrooper1986 · 10/06/2018 15:18

I wasn’t applying for promotion it’s a sideways move , positions are always coming up and I can apply whilst on maternity . I was a bit annoyed as she would like to be a supervisor snd is seeking promotion (I’m not) and it’s not great having that attitude if you wish to be someone’s line manager

OP posts:
Original poster
Stormtrooper1986 · 10/06/2018 15:19

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I completely respect that I was just annoyed and thought she’d be more supportive

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/06/2018 18:57

Fair point. I assumed a more specialist role would mean promotion. I thought maybe your colleague was thinking "hang on, Storm's been off for a year, now she wants to apply for promotion before she's even sorted out a contract to return"
I may have got the wrong end of the stick there.

It's unfortunate if she has this narrow minded view when she's potentially going to become your manager. Sad I suspect a lot of women miss out on roles simply because they're mothers on a part time contract. That doesn't make it right though.

Thisisnotadrill · 06/03/2019 22:40

Imagine if someone took screen shots of this and showed it to your line manager.

SisyphusDad · 06/03/2019 23:24

"32 hours is basically full time anyway". Agreed.

I work am paid for a four day week but in practice I do as much as a full time person. It's just that as a lone parent I need that free day.

Thisisnotadrill · 06/03/2019 23:34

Really good friends yet you post on here slagging her off?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/03/2019 23:48

Imagine if someone took screen shots of this and showed it to your line manager.

Why would they, and if they did something so peculiar why would the manager have a problem with it? I also can't see that the OP has slagged off the friend personally. She's complained about one thing the friend has said, which is different.